Heartfelt English -4ページ目

Heartfelt English -4ページ目

ホームピグアメブロ

芸能人ブログ人気ブログ

06Feb
- Intergrating with My Soul
  I need to find myself again. Search for my soul and make my "shadow" my alley.I have to try focusing on self-realization. On the higher wisdom of self; a constant companion throughlife.Try becoming an alley in others lives via psychological maturation, thus improving our relationship with ourselves and with others, and with nature."Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be experienced."
20Jan
- My values
  Altruism Gratitude Well-being Sustainability Family Self-respect Support Open-mindedness Personal growth Self-reliance (to rely on one`s own efforts and abilities) Living meaningful days: moments where you were at peace and filled with purpose.
13Jan
- Unshakeable Memories
  Do I really want to help others or has this just been some coping mechanism linked to childhood issues? If this is the case, then my own life maybe is a lie I made up just to survive.I feel like I have not fully moved on from the past with dad. I feel like I have made a ton of progress, but if you look deep within me, you can still see the cracks left from the day I was forced by my family to move out without closure.That is the reality of this sick situation, this unfair situation. There IS no closure, ever. I need to live with this fact and keep going. I have to despise him when I need to. I have all the right to feel such a way still. After he touched me in the shower, and really, who in the right mind WOULD ever touch their daughter in such ways. I for one know that if I was a parent myself, I would never tell my child to shower with me at age 17, "to save water". There was absolutely no solid reason about what dad did. And I will never know why he was so persistent about showering with me. I feel sick thinking about why dad wanted to even shower, let alone how he washed me with his hands and, if I recall, down there to. I definitely recall him poking my nipple after the shower after he turned on the lights too. That is when he saw me completely naked too.So many things I can still remember about the incident.
05Jan
- Gradual Emotional Independence and Self-Love
  I've realized recently that family members can change over time. The love and trust they had for you may become flaky as they start paving their own life paths. Even if this hurts and I know I had probably been coddling Ellie or others too much, it is a silver lining in disguise. Now, I can trust in myself more, and further trust those who really have my back and want the best for me: Mehdi and Katsu, and maybe Ryosuke. Most importantly I have myself, my future self to become and grow with and into.I won't tolerate such flakiness anymore and just be civil and move on with my day. I have brighter days and goals to envelope myself in, like improving my overall health, paying things on time, emotional management, and getting back into fitness while enjoying the process, and not purely on the results.I will possibly have bad days where I get hurt again or give in to helping "ghosters", but I can start over the next day, or the next minute after such a mistake as many times as I need to since this is my path and time. Most of all, this year is the year I will be gentler with myself.
02Jan
- Dear Self
  You are an extremely selfless person, however, there is no need to prioritize others all the time. Value your space and time first, and always. Especially when it comes to those who you know dont truly value your time and help.I know you want to be there for others as well as be seen and appreciated by others, but this is the reality of living, and you won't always get what you want. You are a very capable adult; you can help yourself feel wanted and heard just as fine.When you feel stuck in such negative thoughts every now and then, turn to write from your soul. This is a safe space for you where you won't be judged since you are here for yourself. You are your biggest hero and source of love and acceptance. Give your heart some credit after giving so much to others and not enough to yourself.Take care of your body and your mind when you are drained from work or dealing with others' problems. You don`t have to be anyone's therapist but your own.Live for the day, and take steps to make the next day a bit easier on yourself.Also, dont forget that you easily get lost in a moment that you are enjoying, this can mean hobbies, teaching, housework, etc. It becomes the forefront of your mind, your evening (in a sense, in that very moment at least) and you lose track of life itself. That said, always remember to balance your time and your emotions.Just because I get burnt out by teaching at times, doesn't mean I need to throw the job out the window and replace it with a new hobby-linked job I like. Remember, a job eventually is only a job, you can always be replaced, what really matters is your time outside of work every day, so do things you genuinely enjoy every day, things that truly matter to you. Prioritize self-care, work comes second: And self-care leads to a healthy mind/body for work. Emotional Self-Care. Activities that help you connect, process, and reflect on a full range of emotions: Writing, Walking, housework, thinking in the shower, etc. Practical Self-Care:Creating a budget, taking professional development classes, organizing your closet, Mental Self-Care.: Writing, reading, walking, eating well Social Self-Care.: Talking to friends who genuinely care about you Spiritual Self Care: Be in nature, self-reflection
28Dec
- Personal Insights
  I know I will eventually be okay with myself if I end up alone. I will be okay if I can live on my income, budget well, and spend less money wisely. What would be the main foundations once and if I am ever living alone would be the close friends I would have then, my ability to be my own friend, and remaining kind to others (as long as they are kind to me), if people are disrespectful to me I can choose to be civil and cut ties with them or use words as my weapon. And my hobbies will be the next massive pillar of living alone: books (especially reading free books online via "Glose" or "Internet Archive"to save money), nature, reflective writing, talking to friends, etc.I am happy in a relationship now, and I am grateful I can better myself while also loving and growing with someone, but I also want to become even more emotionally intelligent and independent over time for my sake more than anything, but also for Mehdi`s.When I feel lost and lonely, sure I want to always be with a partner, and this can be toxic because, at the end of the day, I am responsible for my own actions and feelings. We are a team and love each other it ends there because we create our own happiness. I understand that this is what I was not comprehending in the past, I deeply relied too heavily on others to feel better, but the strength was within me all this time through self-reflection and other skills I look forward to learning about over time.I guess my goal in life now is to learn more by devouring books and life experiences over time and stay gentle and patient with my growing process and timeline.
28Oct
- Whats On My Mind
  What process do I enjoy, while enjoying the struggles that come with it at times, and not focusing on the end goal, like I do so with animal jobs, and other things? I admit it, I hate struggle, I hate failing, but we fail and learn and we practice getting better at it, since we all start as beginners, sucking at what we enjoy doing.Most things in life, I dont like the time it takes to get to where I want to be, I dont have discipline, I lack it, but it is something I must acquire, so I bet start now.When I started teaching English, I felt I was doing something out of my comfort zone as well as doing something that was larger than myself, maybe even (back then at the moment) larger than the pain I felt after the divorce. Instead of allowing myself to drown in the hurt, I started focusing on teaching, and it helped a lot now looking back. I am unsure if this is some sign, but it is whatever I allow it to be for me, something worth being grateful for, or something I find a bore and a sense like I have outgrown teaching at such a company. That is all up to me.Doing things for others, living for a cause, struggling, and finding meaning through it while taking care of ourselves. Knowing these are mandatory now, makes thoughts on not wanting kids even more solidified.What if I am happier in an English-speaking country? There really is no telling. Even if I would be Mehdi's future wife one dayin the end, I am my own person and this is my life, and I can't rely on Mehdi, and I have to know what makes me content outside of my future marriage. If I face this hard question, then I wouldn't even think of moving to Germany... so I only hope I will learn what I am meant to learn while in Germany as Mehdi's wife while trying to find happiness there, find a new purpose while I am there.A process I do enjoy at times is housework, and getting daily house chores done to obtain that cozy, sanctuary which Mehdi and I could live in.
22Oct
- Thoughts
  What if I found a job that felt like home. Where I can set my hours and do tasks that didn't aggravate my anxiety about dealing with people. What if I could find a job where I can find comfort in written words?What if I have to get out of my comfort zone to find that job.In a society where I often feel lost and shunnedfor being too sensitive or slow at timesI find comfort in the universe of written wordsIt is here where I feel at easewhere I can let down my guardshed my skinand feel at homewithin myselfBreakdown alonewhile simultaneously recreating myselfWords are loveWords do save youI guess writing is something I have always done.I just maybe wasn't meant to make a living doing it.Perhaps it is meant to be more of a safe haven for me when it comes to difficulties in life.I wonder what I can do for a living instead of sitting alone with my thoughts like this.Perhaps more insight into myself will help.Working with animals is a big possibility in Germany.
23Sep
- Thoughts
  What if I can create what I love doing every day?Waking up to do what I love for the rest of my life?Apparently, based on the writing app I got, this is the meaning of human existence: To be able to do what we love every day.Perhaps I think too much about money, and tying what I want to do formoney, hinders my ability to really do what I love? But this also kind of makes no sense since we will forever need money.Through writing, I feel free, I feel somewhat stronger as a person on paper. I don't know what that makes me, since, in this day and age, we have to, and will always have to, work with people.My main problem is how I live and breathe whatever I am intrigued with. Perhaps writing alone can remain a hobby, like reading is for me, and I can find a job that links somewhere in the middle of reading and writing.Or throw myselfinto the animal care profession again one day. I want to work anywhere I am though, so as a pet sitter or something, this will make it hard to have a life where I can travel or roam around cafes while working (unless I go to cafes on the job while walking dogs).The pros of pet sitting is too obvious, but is it worth the commute, odd work hours, and possible health issues and stress if the dog gets ill? Maybe not.I want a job I can do from hoe, a cafe even, while knowing what to do, enjoying it and being paid to do it.
05Sep
- what to teach students
  Now that I’m genuinely trying to learn German to at least basic conversation level as a start, I feel I can better understand how to alter how and what I teach to my English learning students: teach them phonetics, pronunciation, vocabulary, sentence forming, practice repeat. And then introduce them to reading/writing materials, repeat, and then speaking materials, etc. Maybe teach them how to make conversations in their own heads with themselves too, as I’ve read this was a good speaking practice technique. (Find other ways to help them improve speaking skills)Teach them how reading is the soul of the targets language (in their case, English).