Do I really want to help others or has this just been some coping mechanism linked to childhood issues? If this is the case, then my own life maybe is a lie I made up just to survive.
I feel like I have not fully moved on from the past with dad. I feel like I have made a ton of progress, but if you look deep within me, you can still see the cracks left from the day I was forced by my family to move out without closure.
That is the reality of this sick situation, this unfair situation. There IS no closure, ever. I need to live with this fact and keep going. I have to despise him when I need to. I have all the right to feel such a way still. After he touched me in the shower, and really, who in the right mind WOULD ever touch their daughter in such ways. I for one know that if I was a parent myself, I would never tell my child to shower with me at age 17, "to save water". There was absolutely no solid reason about what dad did. And I will never know why he was so persistent about showering with me. I feel sick thinking about why dad wanted to even shower, let alone how he washed me with his hands and, if I recall, down there to. I definitely recall him poking my nipple after the shower after he turned on the lights too. That is when he saw me completely naked too.
So many things I can still remember about the incident.