Country

It's hard to talk about my home country between Asian friends. Japan has very bad history that won't be forgiven. Because of that Japanese younger people who didn't physically exist in the history ambiguously feel like we are indebted to the other Asian countries. It is kind of strange to me because nobody chose to be born in a specific country but I happened to be Japanese so I am the offspring of war criminals and some people were born to the family who is the offspring of war victims. Also, Japan is the second biggest market in the world, even though its market has not been doing well in the past years, it is sometimes accused that Japanese people are stuck up about their economic status. I feel that some Asian friends think I am so proud of Japan.

I know I will have this title, "JAPANESE" forever, but I am somewhat tired of it. I am one existing person before I am Japanese. The differences between people from different cultures are not that big. We are same.

It's too hot

(-。－；) hot and humid.. Where is the dry summer?? I don't want to use a/c because I don't like the wind from it.. atsui..

I have a final exam (actually just second exam) in 10 days.. gotta study hard!

（･ε･)

Three things I learned and noticed today

I don't know why but my feeling was not good today. I am sure that I had negative aura. I hurt people by my careless words. I really need to be prudent about race and ethnicity. I thought how I assumed about the sensibility of minority-American people was ok, but I found that they are much more sensitive than I have been expected. I hated to be the one who doesn't understand or think of their feelings because of coming from monoculture. I am really the one. I should change.

The second thing I noticed is I just need to avoid the argumentative topics in English. My vocabulary is so limited. Especially, the words I use are the ones that can have many meanings like make, take, and so on. I just put myself into the difficult position if I speak in English in some delicate topics. Actually, I have avoided them, but I was like deliberately getting into them today. Need to be careful.

The last one is I noticed how lazy I have become nowadays. I have lost enthusiasm if I compare me now to me when I was in Japan looking for what I want to do. Where did my guts go? I have been disappointed at my school and myself being like dropout. Where did myself who were just striving for the goal I found go? When I need to make an effort for something nowadays, I just force myself to do it. I don't have drive that comes from my heart naturally. This is so sad. I found a blog that a woman who is a CEO of two companies here and living in Beverly Hills. Of course, her life is totally different because she is from a rich family but still her blog aroused me from daydreaming. I will restart to plan what I do everyday and try not to waste time.

Couldn't keep track of myself

Nowadays.. I couldn't plan or prepare things ahead at all. I lost one jacket and one sweater somewhere on or near campus. I lost one jacket first, so I should have been able to do something to prevent the same thing from happening. But I couldn't. It was like I didn't want to take any action for it. Also, I can't believe I almost failed the application for the major I wanted to major in. I didn't prepare for the applicatin until one day before the deadline, and I found that I was not able to get one of the document I need by the deadline. The counselor was not strict about the deadline (I would have completely missed it if here were Japan) so I got a permission to hand it in next week. Again, it was like I asked for it because I didn't want to do anything since last week, as I wrote a few days ago.

I thought my current situation was not like me first. But actually, if I recall the past, I several times almost failed important deadlines. The reason why I didn't fail was I asked urgent helps to other people even though they were busy. I depended on the other people too much and I still do, so I repeat the same things even now.

I've gotta change!!! konomama ja yabai!! I will try to look back on what I did often and regularly have time to think about the close future and prepare for it. ｷﾀｰ Y⌒Y⌒Y⌒Y⌒Y⌒Y⌒(｡Ａ｡)!!!

Survived from the exam

The preparation for the first exam was not good at all. I really really didn't want to study until the night before the exam. I have to get an A or A- in the class in order not to be forced to change major, but for some reason I couldn't focus on studying at all. I studied until 4 am in the morning. I was worried if I fail in the exam like I did in the last Econ class, but the exam was straightforward so it seemed I did fine.

I took this class because my friend who is the only one in the current school who went to the same community college recommended. Actually he recommended an Econ class to me in the community college and I really liked the class (because of the class, I chose Econ as my major). So his recommendation seems very reliable. (^o^) Maybe I should ask him about the classes more.

One more thing I am enjoying nowadays is.. I am taking Salsa class again!! It is so fun!!!! One of the reasons why I like it is I have such a gentle partner! I think that one's personality can appear in the way you lead a person in a dance. I should practice not to forget the moves I learned today!

ヽ(*・ω・)人(・ω・*)ノ

exam

The exam for my Econ class is coming! I'll do my best for it!! :*:・(￣∀￣)・:*:

finally--

I can use the internet at my place at last. BUT it is dial-up, so the speed is really slow.

Also, I bought a weight scale and weighed myself. I was really really suprised at my weight because my weight now is almost same as the weight I had in NZ. I can't believe I gained weight this much. I will keep track of my weight and become thiner!! (#｀ε´#)

This is summer

I think I am worried of the possibility of becoming overworking during the summer. I have registered for four classes so far (two classes for each session), but one class already seems to have a lot of work to do. I remember that I tried hard too much during the summer in community collge and I had been feeling weak and kind of sick until the fall semester finishes. I will decide if I drop one class or not after I attend the other class tomorrow.

(-з-)

Summer class

One week break is too short. My summer class has started from today. I feel sleepy!! (@￣ρ￣@)ｚｚｚｚ

The end of school year

I have finished all the finals at last!! I think I couldn't do well in the most important final today, but I did my best for the exam and in the exam, so I think I should praise myself. The result is important, but how hard I tried to get the result is important too. If I think about my life in the community college, I got grades I wanted, but to get those grades, there were a lot of cost. I was mentally unstable, acted awful to other people, didn't socialize or travel at all, and so on. I can't say I didn't have any cost this time, but I think I am more mentally stable than I used to be. I hope that I can allocate my time and mental power to things and people appropriately so that I can be balanced.

I want to play basketball and racket ball and dance salsa and go travelling and go to MOCA and getty center and watch Japanese TV programs and movies and study Korean and Tagalog!!

you know what..? I have only a week until the summer class starts.. mijika- Σ＼(￣ｰ￣;)