Three things I learned and noticed today

I don't know why but my feeling was not good today. I am sure that I had negative aura. I hurt people by my careless words. I really need to be prudent about race and ethnicity. I thought how I assumed about the sensibility of minority-American people was ok, but I found that they are much more sensitive than I have been expected. I hated to be the one who doesn't understand or think of their feelings because of coming from monoculture. I am really the one. I should change.

The second thing I noticed is I just need to avoid the argumentative topics in English. My vocabulary is so limited. Especially, the words I use are the ones that can have many meanings like make, take, and so on. I just put myself into the difficult position if I speak in English in some delicate topics. Actually, I have avoided them, but I was like deliberately getting into them today. Need to be careful.

The last one is I noticed how lazy I have become nowadays. I have lost enthusiasm if I compare me now to me when I was in Japan looking for what I want to do. Where did my guts go? I have been disappointed at my school and myself being like dropout. Where did myself who were just striving for the goal I found go? When I need to make an effort for something nowadays, I just force myself to do it. I don't have drive that comes from my heart naturally. This is so sad. I found a blog that a woman who is a CEO of two companies here and living in Beverly Hills. Of course, her life is totally different because she is from a rich family but still her blog aroused me from daydreaming. I will restart to plan what I do everyday and try not to waste time.