[chapter 268] Thank You for Caring about Me, Sumi-chan
Hi, this is Korakuone. Are you enjoying Kanokari?
◆AND I KNOW THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS ON MY MIND. (268)
THRE IS SOMEONE... WHO'S BEEN THERE... TO CHEER ME UP.
SOMEONE WHO STAYED BY MY SIDE, WHO WAS THERE FOR ME... ON THE DAY GRANDMA PASSED AWAY.
EVEN THOUGH I INSISTED I WAS OKAY...
SOMEONE STUCK BY ME, DESPITE ALL MY REFUSALS.
AND THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE'S PERSISTENCE... IT SAVED ME.
AND I KNOW THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS ON MY MIND.
In chapter 268, Chizuru talked about the person who supports her. I think the reader's anticipation must have been skyrocketing at her confession of "I KNOW THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS ON MY MIND."
NOTE: In the original Japanese version, Chizuru says, "気になってる (literal translation: "interested in him)". This phrase has a broad connotation, and is used to mean anything from not knowing him well but being a little bit interested in him (possibly becoming a lover in the future, wanting to know more about the person) to being in love in a roundabout way. If you take Chizuru's statement that she does not know if she likes Kazuya, it can be taken to mean that there is a possibility of becoming a lover with him. However, many readers would expect her to have more feelings (love) than that. Probably Miyajima-san's intention is to leave Chizuru's feelings ambiguous and let the reader's imagination run wild and have fun.
While I hope that you enjoy Kanokari to the fullest with high expectations from Chizuru's words this time, here I would like to get to the bottom of her true feelings.
If you carefully follow the story from Chapters 1 to 268 from Chizuru's point of view (for more details, please read my blog -> "Chizuru Mizuhara's Love Story"), you would see that Chizuru does not confide all of her honest feelings to Sumi. She is just telling her "THESE FEELINGS THAT I HAVE FOR HIM... I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO CONFRONT THEM. NO MATTER WHAT I DECIDE I CAN'T RUN AWAY," just as she explains to Kazuya. That is not her true feelings. The truth is that she is in love with Kazuya (or rather, she is dreaming of a deeper relationship than that), she is properly aware of it, and she even thinks that she absolutely must seize this love ([ch 226] The Kiss to Become His Real Lover). This is clearly depicted in the movie production arc and the paradise arc. The reason why she doesn't speak her true feelings is because she has always pretended to be cool and indifferent to Kazuya, and now she is too embarrassed to confide in him.
Now, around Chizuru and Kazuya and among readers, their relationship is "under investigation". Chizuru also acts as such in front of other characters and readers, and Miyajima-san must be writing the manga in the hope that readers will read it that way. However, this is only the "designed" storyline that Miyajima-san wants readers to read, or the storyline from the reader's point of view, and there is different story running in Chizuru's heart.
As I mentioned earlier, Chizuru has not told us all of her true feelings this time. However, it is not important at all whether she told her true feelings or lied, or to what extent. What is important is that she wished to tell Sumi that she has a wonderful future with Kazuya, and that she actually did so. In other words, it is the desire to report that she has a wonderful person to someone precious who cares about her, even though she can't confide everything. Have you ever had that feeling? When you are happy, you want to report to your family or best friend that you are happy now.
In this article, I would like to talk about Chizuru's thoughts when she talked about Kazuya. I felt that Chizuru loves Sumi and Kazuya and really trusts them.
Chizuru's Trust in Sumi-chan
Sumi-chan is a shy but hardworking and kind girl. She is a junior staff member at the rental girlfriends office. Like the reader, Chizuru probably sees her that way. However, the story has not fully depicted how Chizuru actually evaluates Sumi-chan or what she thinks of her, in other words, the relationship between the two of them. Perhaps Chizuru was simply taking care of her hard-working junior out of pity, or, conversely, she may have placed an especially large amount of trust in her.
However, when you see Chizuru confiding some rather private information in chapter 268, saying that she has someone who supports her, you can tell that she has opened her heart to Sumi quite a bit. I think they are very close.
◆CONGRATULATIONS! (143)
Sumi looks up to Chizuru as her senior rental girlfriend and feels indebted to her. She also admires the way Chizuru pursues her dreams and the mature attitude she doesn't have. When the movie was being produced, she helped distribute leaflets and congratulated Chizuru and Kazuya on the completion of their movie (Chapter 143). Having been exposed to Sumi's kindness, Chizuru must have opened her heart to Sumi as well as Kazuya.
Thank You for Caring about Me
This time, Chizuru tells Sumi about her "feelings for Kazuya" in a roundabout way, but it is hardly her real feelings. She tells everyone around her that she is "investigating" and doesn't talk about her feelings (her true feelings) any more than that.
Many readers try to understand a character's true feelings by relying on words (lines). In most manga, the formula " line equals true feelings" holds true, but in our real lives and in "kanokari," lines (words) do not equal true feelings. Words can easily misrepresent our true feelings. You too probably choose your words and hide your true feelings out of embarrassment, apology, or respect for the other person. In "Kanokari," such daily routines exist as a matter of course.
Chizuru's true feelings have always been depicted by her "actions" and "reactions (to events)" rather than by her words (lines). For example, she went to the birthday party because she did not want to lose her relationship with Kazuya (Chapter 86), she turned red when she found out that Kazuya was in love with her (Chapter 174), she collapsed at the door when she found out that Kazuya might have had sex with Ruka and was too afraid to see him for a month because she was afraid of finding out the truth (Chapter 187), and she is so envious of Ruka going on an overnight trip with Kazuya that she decides to go with him on the trip even though she knows it is wrong to do so as a rental girlfriend (Chapter 186).
◆I'M ALSO AN IDIOT. (86)
◆WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME...? I'M SO STUPID... (174)
◆NO. IT'S NOTHING. (186)
"Actions" and "reactions" are far more revealing of one's true feelings than "words," which can easily fool one's true feelings ([Commentary] Chizuru Mizuhara Doesn't Speak Her Heart: "I Like You" Between The Situation and Her Action!). Sometimes actions reveal true feelings deep inside that even the person him/herself does not understand.
Therefore, it is not necessary to take what Chizuru is telling Sumi as it is. In understanding Chizuru's true feelings, there is little point in trying to read what is true and what is not from the lines. Her true feelings for Kazuya have already been portrayed (mainly through her actions) in episodes from chapter 1 to the latest chapter, and they are not expressed in words. The truth is that Chizuru loves Kazuya, she is clearly aware that she is in love with him (chapter 86), and she realizes and understands in her head that he is someone who supports her and someone she needs (The Paradigm Shift that Happened to Chizuru, Someone who Will Truly Make Me Happy).
Now, Chizuru's relationship with Kazuya is "under investigation" around them and among readers, and Chizuru acts like that in front of other characters and readers. Therefore, she won't confide anything more (her true feelings) even to her best friend Sumi. What is important is not whether what she said was what she really meant, but that she wished to tell Sumi that she has a wonderful future with Kazuya, and that she actually did so. In other words, it is the desire to report that she has a wonderful person to someone precious who cares about her, even though she can't confide everything.
Have you ever had this feeling? When you are happy, you want to report to your family or best friend that you are happy now. Don't you feel very happy when people who support you are happy with you?
◆DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU CAN DEPEND ON...? (267)
ARE YOU OKAY...?
I WAS WORRIED... CHIZURU-CHAN, YOU'RE THE TYPE TO CARRY EVERYTHING ON JUST YOUR SHOULDERS...
DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU CAN TALK TO...?
DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU CAN DEPEND ON...?
Sumi-chan, Chizuru's best friend, hugged her and cared for her sincerely. I want to answer that kindness, I want her to know that "I am not lonely now, I am not alone, I have a wonderful person, I am very happy," and I want to make Sumi happy (or relieved). That is the feeling that is flowing through Chizuru's heart at this time.
◆AND I KNOW THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS ON MY MIND. (268)
THRE IS SOMEONE... WHO'S BEEN THERE... TO CHEER ME UP.
SOMEONE WHO STAYED BY MY SIDE, WHO WAS THERE FOR ME... ON THE DAY GRANDMA PASSED AWAY.
EVEN THOUGH I INSISTED I WAS OKAY...
SOMEONE STUCK BY ME, DESPITE ALL MY REFUSALS.
AND THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE'S PERSISTENCE... IT SAVED ME.
AND I KNOW THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS ON MY MIND.
I want Sumi to know that I am happy. That feeling overflows into words. There is only so much she can say to Sumi, but she still wants her to know that she has someone special and someone wonderful to support her. That is how much she trusts Sumi, how happy she is that Sumi cares about her, and how happy she is to be with Kazuya every day. Chizuru is full of love for Sumi and love for Kazuya.
That's how I look back on Chapter 268. Sumi must have been sincerely happy to know that Chizuru doesn't feel sad. But at the same time, it also means the confirmation of a broken heart. Having seen Kazuya's efforts to celebrate Chizuru's birthday, make the movie, and cheer her up, Sumi would have easily guessed how he felt about Chizuru. If she finds out that Chizuru also needs Kazuya, it will mean heartbreak. She will be happy and relieved, but at the same time, she will feel discouraged and lonely. She will have to accept a rather painful reality.
However, Sumi loves Chizuru and Kazuya, so if they can be happy, she will accept and be satisfied with this lost love. She would not regret pushing Kazuya's back when Chizuru was so lonely after Sayuri's death (Chapter 156). She may even push Kazuya's back again for the sake of Chizuru's happiness. I hope to see such a figure in the next chapter and beyond.
See you next post!