[Commentary] The Paradigm Shift that Happened to Chizuru Mizuhara: I've Always Been in Love with Kazuya.
■Original Japanese version
【解説】超重要回 水原千鶴が「私 和也が好き」と気づいた瞬間！
Hi. Are you enjoying Kanokari?
In this article, I'm going to talk anout the moment when Chizuru realized that she I likes Kazuya!
What? Did Chizuru ever say anything like that? If you're wondering, "What? Please read on. You'll enjoy Kanokari tenfold!
It was at Kazuya and Chizuru's joint birthday party in volume 11, where Ruka's kiss was the talk of the fandom...
I'll Be There for You As A Rental Girlfriend
Before I talk about the birthday party, I have to go back to volume 6, chapter 49, when Kazuya confessed to Chizuru, "I want you," no, I need to go back even volume 4, chapter 32, when she asked Kazuya after Christmas, "Are you feeling for me? "
On Christmas, Chizuru was followed by Kazuya, and he was on the edge of the terms of service (or rather, violated them). She goes on a date with Kazuya and makes their relationship clear.
Do you have feelings for me？
◆Do you have feelings for me？(32)
When Kazuya said, "I don't like you," she replied immediately, "Of course you don't!." Chizuru then says, "Let's have an adult relationship," and tells him that they are in an "agreement" without any romantic feelings.
I want Kazuya to continue to rent me.
At this time, Chizuru likes Kazuya as a client and enjoys the false lover relationship. That's why she confirms Kazuya's feelings and makes her relationship with him clear so that he can continue to rent her.
At that time, she had no intention of falling in love with him (having a real relationship with him). But that doesn't mean that she wasn't in love with him at all.
◆どうかな？ (who knows?) (39)
◆和也君のこと好きなんじゃないんですか？ (Aren't you in love with Kazuya-kun? ) (34)
In fact, you could even say that she was in love with him. When Kuribayashi asked her if she would ever get serious with a client, she said, "Who knows?" and did not deny that possibility (Chapter 39). Furthermore, when Ruka asked her, "Is it Chizuru-san who wants to be Kazuya-kun's girlfriend? she couldn't properly argue why she should continue to be a false lover when he asked her (chapter 34).
Somehow, she still wants to be Kazuya's "girlfriend".
Probably because Kazuya saved her when she drowned in the ocean. It wasn't a clear love yet. But she just never saw Kazuya as her own lover, and she was attracted to him through their relationship as a rental girlfriend and client. So Chizuru herself wanted to be connected to Kazuya.
From the moment they met, Chizuru has always shown her fondness for Kazuya (positive feelings towards him) in the form of "helping him out as a rental girlfriend." Even though Kazuya was said to be a bum, pathetic, screw-up, and stupid, but the truth was that he was kind to his grandmother (chapter 3), risked his life to save her (chapter 15), kind at heart, single-minded in love (chapter 41), and took his friends seriously (chapter 39), and she came to know the good things about him. Every time she did, she helped him out as a rental girlfriend.
◆安心してっ 私が”彼女”でいる間は 放っておいたりしないから (Don't worry, I won't leave you alone as long as I'm your "girlfriend.") (20)
◆んっ (Mmm.) (21)
◆和也さんは 私の”彼氏”です (Kazuya-san is my "boyfriend.") (48)
She promised to make a real girlfriend for him (chapter 20), encouraged him when he was depressed (chapter 21), received an order to have a date with Kuribayashi (chapter 39), and tried to convey his love to Mami (chapter 49). It's not because Chizuru likes lame guys or because she's a super softie, it's simply because she's moved by his words and feelings and attracted to him.
Chizuru didn't realize that she had a small " love" for him, and her feelings were manifested in the form of wanting to help him as a rental girlfriend.
As for Chizuru's own perception.
The only reason I'm continuing to be a fake lover with Kazuya is so that I don't make our grandmothers sad.
I have to fulfill my promise to make him a real girlfriend.
It's all worthwhile as a rental girlfriend.
I'm doing it for my clients.
That's it. But if you ask her where she gets the feeling of wanting to be by Kazuya's side and help him, she can't just explain it by saying it's a rewarding job or "for their grandmothers".
Kazuya Is My Boyfriend!? "I want you!"
But this words from Kazuya shattered that assumption for a moment! (chapter 49)
君がいい 君が！
（I want you!）
In the confrontation with Mami that day, Chizuru does everything in her power to bring Kazuya's love to her. That's her pride as a rental girlfriend! She has seen him from her position as a "cheerleader for love" and knows how seriously he was in love with Mami. For the sake of her precious "boyfriend", she wanted to make sure that Mami understood his love that he swore he would make her happy.
◆この人が 私を一生幸せにしてくれる人かもしれないって 考えたことはありますか？ (Have you ever thought that Kazuya might be the one who will make you happy for the rest of your life?) (49)
Why don't you try to accept his such precious feelings!
Kazuya might be the one who will make you happy for the rest of your life!
That's what she appealed to Mami.
Kazuya-san is a decent person, and as long as you face him, I'm sure you'll be able to get along with him. So why?
Chizuru was probably filled with this feeling. But in the end, her desire didn't reach Mami and her frustration remains.
When she met Kazuya on her way home, she suggested, "Maybe you should confess to Mami-san again to make her understand your feelings for her."
That's when!
◆君がいいっ 君がっ！ （I want you!） （49）
君がいいっ 君がっ！
（I want you!）
A confession from Kazuya! His love, which was supposed to be for Mami, is coming for Chizuru herself!
What? You mean make me happy?
"What do you mean, 'I want you'?" Chizuru must have been insanely surprised!
If you look at it from Kazuya's point of view, it's a foolhardy and unwinnable confession. I'm sure many of you thought, "Kazuya, you're such an idiot." I thought so too. But for Chizuru at this time, Kazuya was a good choice for a boyfriend. It's just that she hadn't seen him as her own boyfriend and hadn't realized her feelings for him!
At this time, for the first time, Chizuru thought
If Kazuya is my real boyfriend...
For a brief moment, she saw Kazuya, whom she had always thought of as a client, as her own boyfriend, her real lover. That would be a huge surprise, wouldn't it?
After that, when Kazuya said, "As a rental girlfriend...", she understood that he meant that he liked her as a rental girlfriend; she understood Kazuya's words to mean that he wanted her to continue to cooperate with him as a rental girlfriend.
◆なによ さっきのばーかっ (What was that? baka) 50話
なによ さっきのばーかっ
(What was that? baka)
Then she would get upset and feel disappointed. But at that time, Chizuru herself didn't understand why she felt that way.
At that time, her "love" for Kazuya had just begun to grow. Chizuru didn't understand that this feeling was "love". Well, maybe she did realize it somehow. But in the end, she ended up understanding that the reason she wanted to continue her fake relationship with Kazuya was because she wanted to help him as a rental girlfriend and for the sake of their grandmothers.
Even so, the "something" she felt at that time remained in her memory.
Chizuru's Swelling Love
Chizuru did not properly understand her feelings at this time, but her love for him started to run at full speed from here.
水原に才能がないわけ無いだろ！
だから諦めるなんて言うな！
(Mizuhara, there's no way you're not talented! So don't tell me you're giving up!)
◆だから 諦めるなんて言うなっ！(So don't tell me you're giving up!) (53)
Chizuru's dream was to show her grandmother (Grandma Sayuri) that she was in a movie. However, her performance on the stage did not lead to the movie performance she had hoped for, and she became so depressed that she cried. That's when Kazuya became on her side!
Kazuya wants to support Chizuruas an actress (Chizuru Ichinose) and says he will rent her every week. Well, he's an idiot lol.
But Chizuru was insanely happy to hear him say that!
◆多すぎよ 馬鹿っ (Too many, you baka!) 53話
She is so happy that Kazuya has made an reservation for her that she bursts into tears.
For the first time, Chizuru, who had been on the side of support as a rental girlfriend, became the one being supported. From this point on, her love for him starts to take off!
I want to be close to Kazuya! I want to be with him!
This feeling overflows, doesn't it!
◆フェアなお隣さん宣言！(Declaration of Fair Neighborhood!) (57)
Chizuru declares him a fair neighbor and tells him that she wants him to be her neighbor even in private. Chizuru is so excited that she asks for a high-five, which shows that she wants to be with him.
As a rental girlfriend, Chizuru wants to avoid having a private relationship with her clients as much as possible. But she still wants to spend time with Kazuya.
◆馬鹿っ 傍にいて欲しいって言われて 断れるわけないでしょ？(Baka! How can I say no if you want me to stay by your side?) (61)
This night, Chizuru tells Kazuya about her dream, that she wants to show Grandma Sayuri that she is in a movie. I guess she thought that he would listen to her childish dream.
やっぱ水原見てると 格好良くてさっ
俺…見たいんだよ 君が夢を叶える姿を
心の底から
だから 傍にいたい…
ずっと…君の傍に…
ダメ…かな…？
（You look so cool to me. I... want to see you achieve your dreams from the bottom of my heart. So I want to be by your side... all the time. Can't I）
Kazuya replied that he wanted to see Chizuru achieve her dreams as an actress, and that's why he wanted to be by her side forever. No, no, no. If you were to hear those words, you would normally say, "What the hell are you talking about? That's disgusting!"(*)
*NOTE: The expression 傍にいたい"I want to be by your side" twice appears in Kanokari (chapters 61and 179). It is also very common in the lyrics of Japanese love songs, and is a very popular expression of "I love you" for Japanese people. I don't know if we would actually say it, though. If we are proposing to someone, we might say it.
But for Chizuru, it was different.
For Chizuru, who loved to be praised, Kazuya's words made her very happy. It must have been reassuring to have him on her side, telling her that he wanted to be there for her.
ずっと…？
馬鹿っ
傍にいて欲しいって言われて 断れるわけないでしょ？
それが ”レンタル彼女”なんだから
(All the time...? Baka! How can I say no if you want me to stay by your side? Because that's what a "rental girlfriend" is.)
When Kazuya says he wants to be by her side, Chizuru replies that she will be there for him as his "girlfriend."
Chizuru thinks that she is only helping Kazuya as a rental girlfriend. That's why she say it this way. But she just doesn't understand her own feelings properly, she just can't say it honestly.
I want Kazuya to be by my side too.
So this is Chizuru's true heart. To be honest, it looks like they're already flirting lol.
Other than that, Kazuya cares about her and picks out birthday presents for her (chapter 70), he tries his best to cover for her at drinking parties (chapter 73), and even though his methods are not skillful, she is attracted to his feelings.
For Chizuru, Kazuya has turned into such an important person that it's fun to be with him and he cheers her up. Naturally, the way she dates him also changes.
◆遠慮しないっ (don't be shy about it.) (79)
別に デートプラン考えてくれるのは 悪いことじゃないしっ
遠慮なんかしないでっ 今日はとことん付き合うからっ
(There's nothing wrong with planning a date, and don't be shy about it. I'll go all out with you today.)
Later, during the "seifuku date," a reenactment of a date between high school students, she sees that Kazuya is unable to say what he wants to do and urges him not to hold back. She says it this way as a rental girlfriend, but Chizuru herself wants to enjoy her date with him. She takes the lead in their dates, sharing churros, taking Purikura photos, and asking to ride the Ferris wheel.
Chizuru is not aware of it yet, but her love for him has definitely grown.
◆前ハグにドキッ (Chizuru is nervous about hugging Kazuya.) (80)
That's why she's so nervous about Kazuya.
◆安心してよ そんなに不安がらなくても すぐ消えていなくなったりなんか… (Don't worry, you don't have to be so anxious, I won't be gone anytime soon.) (82)
On the way home from their seifuku date, Chizuru tells Kazuya, who has been supporting her dream, that she has been chosen to appear on a new stage.
When he squeezed her hand, Chizuru thought he was worried that she might not be able to continue being his rental girlfriend, so she said
安心してよ そんなに不安がらなくても すぐ消えていなくなったりなんか…
（Don't worry, you don't have to be so anxious, I won't be gone anytime soon.）
Kazuya seems to be relieved, but instead he seems to be happy that a new stage performance has been decided...
…違うんだ
水原すげぇ頑張ってたから…
なんかめっちゃ 嬉しくて…!!
(No, it's not. You were working so hard... I'm just so happy...!)
She should have been happy to have his support, but she looks both happy and annoyed. I'm sure she really wanted him to tell her that he's happy that she continues to be his rental girlfriend.
If Chizuru's acting career goes well, she will have to quit her job as a rental girlfriend.
I'm happy that Kazuya supports me,
but I still don't want to not be able to be by his side.
She still doesn't want to lose her fake relationship with him and the time they spent together on dates.
What the Hell Is This Feeling?
It was on her joint birthday with Kazuya that she finally realized her love for him (Chapter 86). You know, it happens all the time: a girl you just thought was fun to hang out with turns out to have a boyfriend, and you're really disappointed when you find out. Then, for the first time, you realize that you really liked that girl. Think of it as an enhanced version of that.
◆6時からなら行ける (I can be there at six.) (83)
Today is Kazuya's birthday. Granny Nagomi has arranged for Chizuru's birthday to be celebrated as well.
A tsundere who can't express her feelings well, Chizuru doesn't show even a happy expression to Kazuya who invited her. But for Chizuru now, he is the kind of boy who is fun to be around and she wants to be by his side. How could she not be looking forward to their joint birthday party!?
I'm so excited, I want to go!
This is what she really feels.
However, the start time coincided with Grandma Sayuri's visit. Chizuru is also worried about her condition. But she still wanted to go to the birthday party, so Chizuru suggested to Kazuya that she leaves early and goes to the birthday party. It was the first time Chizuru proposed such a rental.
However, on the day of the birthday party, Grandma Sayuri is not feeling well and Chizuru is unable to leave her room.
◆はぁ (sigh) (84)
Chizuru, who had been looking forward to the birthday party, sighs, worrying about the time. The time she was supposed to spend with Kazuya was dwindling. She might not be able to go to the birthday party.
Chizuru contacted Kazuya on LINE to tell him that she would not be able to go to the party.
That's when she hears from Kazuya that Ruka-chan has broken into the party!
◆今日で和也君は 正真正銘 私のものにして見せます！（I'll make him truly mine today!） (86)
おばあさんも すっかり私のこと 気に入ったみたいで
もう千鶴さんは必要ないかもですねっ！
今日で和也君は 正真正銘 私のものにして見せます！
(Granny Nagomi seems to have taken a liking to me, and Kazuya-kun may not need you anymore! I'll make him truly mine today!)
The Ruka bomb that they have been carrying around for so long is about to explode! In her mind's eye, she can see Ruka making an appeal to his family to be his girlfriend, just like she did at the first visit to a shraine (hatsumoude). It may only be a matter of time before Ruka declares herself to be his girlfriend. If she does, it will be known that his real girlfriend is Ruka and Chizuru is just a rental. If that happens, Chizuru will have no reason to ask Kazuya to rent herself.
◆全然大丈夫じゃないじゃん…！ (It's not okay at all...! ) (86)
全然大丈夫じゃないじゃん…！
るかちゃんは大激怒してたけど…！？
これじゃあ”初詣”の再来…！
レンカノのことだって 言わない保証は…
(It's not okay at all...! Ruka-chan was furious, but...? This is like the first visit to the Hatsumoude over again... What guarantee do I have that she won't tell them that I'm a rental girlfriend.)
Kazuya told her not to come to the party because he would take care of it. That was a cancellation from her client. But Chizuru can't bring herself to do that. She becomes anxious and insecure.
For Chizuru, her date time with Kazuya, her false lover relationship, and everything that she can connect with Kazuya has already become important.
◆あのね おばあちゃん （Listen, Grandma） （86）
あのね おばあちゃん 実は今日 和也さん家に行く…約束があるの…
私の誕生会を してくれるとかで…
（Listen, Grandma, I'm actually going to Kazuya-san's parents' house today... and I have an appointment... they're having a birthday party for me..）
Chizuru asks Grandma Sayuri to let her go. Sayuri is the most important person in the world to her. She's going to go to her birthday party even if such an important person is not feeling well. Because she doesn't want to lose her connection with Kazuya, she doesn't want to lose the time when she can be his "real" girlfriend in front of their grandmothers even if it's a lie, and she doesn't want to lose the time when she can date Kazuya even if she's a rental girlfriend.
◆でも なんで私 あんなこと言ったんだろう （But I don't know why I told my grandma that.） （86）
All this time, Chizuru had been thinking that she was doing everything for him as a rental girlfriend. She enjoys spending time with Kazuya and wants to be there for him. But she thought it was just because she was happy to be able to help him as a rental girlfriend.
But that wasn't enough to explain her feelings anymore. So Chizuru thinks, "why do I want to keep my false lover relationship so badly?"
Because I don't want to make our grandmothers sad?
A sense of responsibility as a rental girlfriend?
Because I can' t leave him alone?
The answer Chizuru came up with was Kazuya's words from that day!
◆千鶴のたどり着いた答え 君がいいっ！ 君が！ (Chizuru's answer: I want you!) (86)
君がいいっ！ 君が！
(I want you!)
Chizuru's mouth tightens in a knot.
When Kazuya said "I want you" to her that day, and she saw him as her own lover for even a moment, she felt "something".
I had fallen in love with Kazuya before I knew it.
It wasn't because she didn't want to make the grandmothers sad, and it wasn't because of her job as a rental girl, but because she herself wanted to be with Kazuya. Finally, she was able to know her true feelings properly (*).
＊NOTE: In this scene, Chizuru's "realization" is portrayed, so I interpret it as her realizing her love for him. Although it is not depicted in the story, we can also understand that she gradually accepted her ever-growing love for Kazuya after he said, "I want you." In any case, it is certain that she realized her true feelings at that time.
◆馬鹿ね 私も… (I'm such an idiot.) (86)
Chizuru realized that she had fallen in love with Kazuya. Their relationship was just a lie. To Kazuya, she was just a rental girlfriend, a collaborator, nothing more. But she had fallen in love with him all on her own (from Chizuru's point of view, of course).
馬鹿ね 私も…
(I'm such an idiot.)
Chizuru mumbled and went to Kazuya's place.
From this moment on, a feeling was born in the deepest part of Chizuru's heart.
I'm sure I won't be able to stay by his side as a rental girlfriend.
I want to be Kazuya's real girlfriend. I want to change our lie into truth.
She may not have been able to understand it in her mind. It may not have been easy to admit, but this feeling was definitely born at that time.
And at that time, Chizuru may have already understood how difficult this love was... ([Commentary] Chizuru's conflict was more serious than we expected)
Realizing that she is in love, Chizuru is unable to treat Kazuya the same way she did before.
◆そんなイチャイチャしてるなら (If you're going to be so lovey-dovey) (106)
そんなイチャイチャしてるなら もう付き合っちゃえば いいのに
(If you're going to be so lovey-dovey, why don't you two just start dating?)
She is too embarrassed to face Kazuya, even with this kind of teasing.
Until then, there were times when she would blush at Kazuya. But that was only when there was intense contact at "zero distance" (i.e. physical contact), such as Kazuya holding her hips and falling on top of her (Chapter 59) or hugging him (Chapter 80). Up until then, Chizuru would have just brushed off Yaemori's words, saying that they were just neighbors, that it was a producer-actress relationship. This is where we see Chizuru clearly becoming aware of Kazuya as a romantic interest.
Although it's not so impressive because it's overshadowed by the appearance of the new character Yaemori, chapter 106 was the first time we saw Chizuru's awareness of love. Miyajima-san (Reiji-sensei) made Yaemori say those words on purpose in order to show this (probably without a doubt).
In addition, we see Chizuru who is very jealous of Ruka and Kazuya being together (Ruka's curry) (Chapter 111).
◆ふーん (Chizuru's jealousy of Ruka [Chizuru's omu-rice vs. Ruka's curry] ) (111)
His real girlfriend is Ruka, and she is a rental girlfriend. Basically, no private relationship with Kazuya. But she really wants to spend more time with him and make him like her. Even the omu-rice she made for Kazuya was something she did her best to make so that he would say it was delicious.
◆私が…カレシ作った時…おばあちゃん…どう思った…？ (What did you think when I got a boyfriend, Grandma?) (112)
When Chizuru's dream was about to be interrupted, Kazuya came running to her again (Chapter 103). Kazuya must have appeared really wonderful to Chizuru. But their relationship as lovers is a lie. He was supposed to be just a client. To him, Chizuru is just a rental girlfriend, and yet she has fallen in love with him on her own. There is no guarantee that Kazuya will fall in love with her. As a rental girlfriend, Chizuru is not allowed to have a private relationship with her clients. So she can't ask him out on a date. She can't even meet him unless she has a reason to. And there is no way she can tell Kazuya that she likes him. Kazuya told her after Christmas that, "I don't like you" (chapter 32), and when Granny Sayuri collapsed, he told her, "We're not dating, right?"(chapter 91) It is first love for her. I'm sure that Chizuru was really worried. Maybe she wasn't sure if she could go on with her love for him.
On this day, when Chizuru visits the hospital, she says to her grandmother, the only person she can truly rely on.
私が…カレシ作った時…おばあちゃん…どう思った…？
(What did you think when I got a boyfriend, Grandma?）
Seeing Chizuru's serious face, Grandma Sayuri looks worried. Chizuru, too, waits nervously for her answer.
Grandma Sayuri then told her,
◆でも彼ほど あなたに相応しい人はいないわ (But there's no one better for you than him.) (112)
人は誰しも 補いあって生きてるの
完全無欠な人間なんていない
だから足りない何かを 傍にいる人に埋めてもらうの
でも彼ほど あなたに相応しい人はいないわ
(We all have to compensate for each other. No one is perfect. That's why we need someone to fill in the lack for us.)
(But there's no one better for you than him.)
How relieved she was to hear her grandmother Sayuri, whom she trusted the most in the world, say this. How reassuring it must have been. At that moment, Chizuru's heart must have been set.
I want to become Kazuya's real girlfriend.
I want to change our lies into truth.
Thank you for reading my commentary until the very end.... In order to explain one scene, I had to explain it from more than 50 chapters ago... Honestly, I'm tired lol. Anyway, the scene where Chizuru talks to her grandma (chapter 112) is probably one of the best scenes in Kanokari. It's so touching.
It's easy to hide behind the shock of Ruka-chan's kiss, but Kazuya and Chizuru's joint birthday party was a big event, a paradigm shift (a rapid change in how things are viewed) for Chizuru, who had been thinking that she was helping him AS A RENTAL GIRLRIEND since chapter 1.
I want to become Kazuya's real girlfriend.
I want to change our lies into truth.
That is a super key episode in which this feeling was born!
See you in the next article!
You may also be interested in "水原千鶴の恋物語 (Chizuru Mizuhara's Love Story)", a series of articles analyzing chapters 1-175 from from Chizuru's point of view.
