Volume 19, Chizuru Mizuhara's Love Story, Chapter 6
Volume 19 and Beyond, How Chizuru Viewed Kazuya
❤Trust, 120%: the only one who accepts her weakness. The one she wants by her side.
Kazuya supported her and made her dreams come true. Her gratitude to him is immeasurable. After Grandma Sayuri's death, it was Kazuya who accepted her grief and filled her loneliness. Kazuya is the only person to whom Chizuru can show her true vulnerable self. Chizuru should never be able to let go of Kazuya. For Chizuru now, Kazuya is someone important who tells her that she can do it, a benefactor who made her dream come true, and someone who supports her. It is safe to say that Kazuya is the reason she is able to pursue her dream of becoming an actress, and the reason she is able to be strong and righteous. She must believe that Kazuya is the person who will make her happy for the rest of her life ([Chizuru Mizuhara's Love story] Someone who Will Make Me Happy for the Rest of My Life).
❤Attraction, 120%: She loves him so much that she can't stop her feelings.
Until now, Chizuru has suppressed and hidden her love for Kazuya. However, when Kazuya encourages her on a cheer-up date, she is unable to suppress her love for him. Until now, she has been unable to move forward because of the "agreement," but Kazuya's words that night, "My perfect girlfriend, she is..." give her hope to overcome the relationship between a rental girlfriend and a client.
Chizuru Mizuhara's Love Story
■ [Introduction] Chizuru Mizuhara's Love Story
■ Volumes 7-12 Part I, Chapter 2
■ Volumes 7-12 Part II, Chapter 3
■ Volumes 13-18 Part I, Chapter 4
■ Volumes 13-18 Part II, Chapter 5
■Someone who Will Truly Make Me Happy
Volume 19, Highlights and Commentary
Cheer-Up Date
Chizuru has lost the most important person in the world. Today, Chizuru has no one she can truly rely on. She always pretends to be fine, and I am sure she would have answered "I'm fine" to her friends on campus, colleagues at work, and fellow actors.
But her heart was screaming for someone to accept her grief over the loss of her loved one.
Right now, the person Chizuru would most like to rely on was Kazuya. Because he was always there for her when she was about to give up on her dream. And because he always stood by her side and supported her.
◆AHAHA! YOU GET SPOOKED SO EASILY! (158)
He booked a date to be with her... 10 hours, 67,000 yen total, how much did he work part-time? Chizuru felt bad for making him worry, but for Chizuru, who had been sinking into the depths of loneliness for so long, a date with Kazuya must have been the only thing she looked forward to.
AHAHA! YOU GET SPOOKED SO EASILY!
On the day of the date, Chizuru smiles and calls out to Kazuya, saying so.
◆NOW, SHALL WE BE OFF... KAZUYA? (158)
Kazuya tries to cover it up as it's been a while, but it seems he is still concerned about her. "COME ON, WHAT'S WITH THE GIRLFRIEND MODE?". Kazuya points out that she is not acting like her usual self.
It's been a long time since she's been on a date with Kazuya. Chizuru seems to be so much fun perhaps because she is just forcing herself to put on cheeriness (pretending to be cheerful). Behind that smile, she is pushing away her painful feelings. But the boy who she is truly in true love with and she can rely on now is right next to her. There is no reason not to be cheerful. The feeling of loneliness must be a lot easier to bear.
◆BOYFRIEND AND GILFRIEND (158-162)
Chizuru dates Kazuya as a rental girlfriend. He makes the date very enjoyable with gifts, movies to her liking, a more lavish lunch than usual, bouldering, and so on.
Since Chizuru is a rental girlfriend and her relationship with him is just business, she can never express her feelings of love in her face. But only for now Kazuya is her "boyfriend". So it should be okay to be close to him as if she were his real girlfriend. While Kazuya was holding her hand, she may have been able to forget her loneliness and sadness.
ALL I REALLY WANT FROM YOU... IS TO GO ALONG WITH THIS DATE...
◆I CAN'T ASK YOU FOR MORE THAN THAT. (160)
WAHAT'S I'M SAYING IS... I FEEL LIKE YOU'VE ALREADY DONE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME
IF NOT FOR YOU, THE MOVIE NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN MADE.
I CAN'T ASK YOU FOR MORE THAN THAT.
Chizuru was able to fulfill her dream thanks to Kazuya. He is just a customer, a neighbor. She cannot burden him any further. Chizuru, who is not good at relying on others and always pretending to be fine, tells Kazuya that she doesn't want him to care about her any more.
However.
◆ALL I REALLY WANT FROM YOU... IS TO GO ALONG WITH THIS DATE... (160)
WELL... WELL EVEN SO!
I... I STILL HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO DO...!
ALL I REALLY WANT FROM YOU... IS TO GO ALONG WITH THIS DATE...
Still, Kazuya tells her not to be concerned and to enjoy the date.
◆OKAY! I'M GONNA ENJOY MYSELF THEN! (160)
WELL! IF THAT'S WHAT MY BOYFRIEND REALLY WANTS...
WHAT CAN I DO?
OKAY! I'M GONNA ENJOY MYSELF THEN!
With that said, Chizuru decides to take advantage of his kindness only during the time she is his "girlfriend".
Chizuru is just a rental girlfriend. She probably didn't understand why Kazuya, a customer, cared about her so much. She may have thought it was because he is a very kind person.
Still, she found herself smiling just by being with Kazuya.
MY PERFECT GIRLFRIEND, SHE IS...
◆Chizuru is playing with the sparkler alone. (162)
Fireworks at the end of the date with Kazuya. He left Chizuru alone and went to fetch water.
When she's playing with the sparkler alone, she remembers the days she spent with her grandpa and grandma that day.
Grandpa and grandma have been there for her since she was a little girl. They always supported Chizuru's dreams and wished her happiness. However, they are no longer by her side. Unable to suppress the loneliness, tears clearly appear in Chizuru's eyes and her body begins to tremble.
She cannot rely on Kazuya any longer. She cannot show herself like that. She has to be his perfect girlfriend for now. When he comes back, Chizuru holds back her loneliness and tries desperately to hide her tears.
◆I THINK ANY DAY NOW YOU'LL FIND YOUR SELF... A REAL GIRLFRIEND! (163)
OH, BUT I HAVE TO SAY, TO DAY'S DATE PLAN?
IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!
OH, I MEAN... IM NOT TRYING TO BRING UP MONEY TALK OR ANYTHING.
BUT YOU KNOW... THE WAY YOU WERE SO CONSIDERATE OF YOUR PARTNER'S FEELINGS...
YEP, I'ME SURE OF IT. ANY GIRL WOULD'VE LOVED IT.
I THINK ANY DAY NOW YOU'LL FIND YOUR SELF... A REAL GIRLFRIEND!
When her date with Kazuya comes to an end, Chizuru smiles and thanks him. Chizuru, who is in a position to support his love, can only express her feelings in this way. But
I was more than happy that you thought about my feelings.
I think you're a wonderful boyfriend.
She expresses her gratitude for that.
The time for her to be his "girlfriend" is over. I'm not Kazuya's real girlfriend. I am not allowed to rely on him any more. I will have to spend another lonely and lonely night by myself. When Chizuru thought so
MY PERFECT GIRLFRIEND, SHE IS...
Kazuya noticed that Chizuru had actually cried behind the smile.
◆MY "PERFECT GIRLFRIEND," SHE IS... (164)
MY "PERFECT GIRLFRIEND," SHE IS...
PRETTY... STYLISH... KIND...
BUT WHEN I'M BEING PATHETIC... SHE'S ALWAYS THERE TO CHEW ME OUT.
AND SOMETIMES, SHE'S EVEN KIND OF SCARY...
BUT SHE'S A BRIGHT LIGHT THROUGH AND THROUGH.
HER SMILE IS INCREDIBLE... SHE'S CUTE...
AND SOMETIMES... SHE CRIES. JUST A BIT.
SHE'S USUALLY REALLY TOUGH. EVEN WHEN TIMES ARE HARD...
SHE DOESN'T LET IT SHOW.
SHE TELLS HERSELF SHE DID WHAT SHE COULD... AND LOOKS TO THE FUTURE...
SHE LIVES HER LIFE... WITH NOTHING HELD BACK...
SHE SPENDS ALL HER TIME CHEERING UP A LOSER LIKE ME...
AND JUSTHAVING HER THERE BY MY SIDE GIVES ME COURAGE...
EVEN WHEN SHE'S COMPLETELY LOSING IT...
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO IMPOSE ON ANYBODY...
AND EVEN THOUGH WHEN SHE'S AROUND ME...
SHE ALWAYS WEARS A SMILE...
SOMETIMES, JUST WHEN TIMES ARE JUST SO HARD...
AND ONLY A LITTLE BIT...
SHE CRIES.
"I want you to cry when you are really hard..." Chizuru was so concerned about not causing worry and trying to be tough that she could not rely on anyone. Kazuya has always been there for her. Whenever she was in a really hard time, he always came to her. And today, he is doing his best to cheer her up like this.
The same tenderness that made her feel safe when Grandma Sayuri hugged her when she was little was there by Kazuya's side.
Tears welled up, and Chizuru involuntarily jumped into Kazuya's chest.
GRAND... DRANDMAAA! GRANDPAAAA!
Chizuru cried and cried next to Kazuya and was finally able to let out her grief over the loss of her loved one.
A Place that Accepts Your Weakness
Chizuru cried when she lost her grandpa three years ago. She must have been sad and lonely. But I am sure that Grandma Sayuri gave her a big hug at that time as well.
◆DID YOU HEAR? ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT HIS "PERFECT GIRLFRIEND"? (166)
Grandma Sayuri can no longer be by Chizuru's side. But now...
DID YOU HEAR? ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT HIS "PERFECT GIRLFRIEND"?
THAT'S HOW HE IS. ALWAYS SO DRAMATIC!
EVEN RIGHT AFTER WE MET, THAT STUFF ABOUT ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING ON HIS OWN...
HE'S ALWAYS TRYING TO SOUND COOL.
HE'S JUST A BIG DREAMER. HE'S NOT EVEN ASHAMED OF IT.
IT'S LIKE HE'S OBLIVIOUS TO THE WORLD.
Chizuru's mouth relaxes as she says this in front of Grandpa and Grandma. What unintentionally overflows from her mouth is all about Kazuya.
◆BUT THEN I CRIED IN FRONT OF HIM... AND I FELT CLEANSED. (166)
BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD.
UP UNTIL THAT MOMENT, IFELT SO TERRIBLY ALONE...
IT FEEL LIKE I WOULD JUST CURL UP AND DIE.
BUT THEN I CRIED IN FRONT OF HIM... AND I FELT CLEANSED.
Chizuru looks radiant as she says so. Strangely enough, she no longer feels lonely.
That night, Chizuru must have understood well where there is a place that accepts her weakness, a place that satisfies her loneliness. Chizuru looks so happy when she talks about Kazuya to her grandpa and grandma.
I love him so much, I want to be by his side all the time.
That was the night she felt that way.
NOTE: For Japanese people, the phrase 傍にいたい/傍にいて欲しい "I want to be by your side" or "I want you to be my side" is a typical way of saying "I love you," and is probably similar to "I want to be with you" in English. It is a very popular phrase in Japanese love songs. It means a strong desire like, "I love you with all my heart, I need you, and I don't want to let you go". In the original Japanese version, both Kazuya and Chizuru say this phrase (chapters 61 and 179, respectively). On her way home from Umi-kun's party, Chizuru tells Kazuya that if she ever had a boyfriend, she would want to be by his side forever. Of course, she means it, and it's how she feels about Kazuya (Chapter 179). Her love for him grew to that extent when Kazuya accepted her grief over the loss of her grandmother Sayuri and she realized that he was the one who could support her and accept her weakness.
(To be continued in Volume 20, Chapter 7)
Chizuru Mizuhara's Love Story
■ [Introduction] Chizuru Mizuhara's Love Story
■ Volumes 7-12 Part I, Chapter 2
■ Volumes 7-12 Part II, Chapter 3
■ Volumes 13-18 Part I, Chapter 4