[chapter 223] The very watershed: Chizuru's Regret and Determination
■The original Japanes version
■The preious article
[ch 222] Mami Makes the Truth into a Lie
Hahahahaha!
Hi, I'm korakuone. Are you enjoying Kanokari? I've got so excited!
Finally, finally, finally, the moment I've been waiting for has arrived! I was so happy that I hugged the Chizuru cushion cover and patted her head lol. I cried.
The most important moment in the Paradise Arc has arrived. It is truly a watershed, a turning point!
◆SHE LEFT THIS WORLD BELIEVING... HER DEAREST GRANDDAUGHTER HAD FINALLY MANAGED TO INTRODUCE HER BOYFRIEND TO HER. (223)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Here! Here! Here!
Chizuru was blamed by Grandma Nagomi for lying to Sayuri, and she couldn't say anything.
Grandma Sayuri had been by Chizuru's side ever since she was a little girl. When Chizuru fell in love with Kazuya and was unsure if she should believe in this love, Grandma told her that there exists no one who is better suited to her than him. She told her that she needs Kazuya-kun and pushed her to believe in her own love (Chapter 113). Sayuri had always wished for Chizuru's happiness. And she is still watching over her in heaven.
◆Chizuru has been running away from Kazuya's confession for a long time. (223)
But Chizuru is unable to reveal her true feelings to Kazuya, and continues to betray Grandma Sayuri's wishes. She's been turning away from her desire for her to be happy.
And because of that, she has betrayed the feelings of her loved ones and hurt the person she loves the most in the world.
◆Chizuru clenches her fists in regret. (223)
I wonder why I'm doing this...
My grandma believed in me.
She wanted me to be happy.
I even betrayed Grandma Nagomi and his parents.
I hurt the person I love.
I really wonder... why I'm doing this...
Chizuru clenched her fists tightly.
If Chizuru had been able to confide in Kazuya that she loved him, none of this would have happened. Because of her own unworthiness, she had betrayed the precious feelings of the people she cared about. Chizuru must have strongly blamed herself for not being able to tell Kazuya that she loves him.
Now that her lie has been exposed, Chizuru can no longer be Kazuya's "girlfriend". Then, she has no choice but to show her true feelings and build a real relationship with him. This "regret" will surely lead her to make the decision.
In this article, I'd like to talk about Kazuya's upcoming "confession" first, and then look at the flow of Chizuru's feelings from her point of view. I'm getting excited☆ (C.V. Mami Nanami)
I'll Always Protect Mizuhara
Kazuya has thought that Mami would stay on his side. However, she tearfully tells them how Mizuhara kept her quiet and refused to tell them the truth no matter how many times she persuaded her. It was as if Mizuhara was a bad girl who would lie and threaten people for money ([ch 222] Mami Makes the Truth into a Lie).
And the lies are revealed one after another.
Grandma Nagomi thought Mizuhara was his real girlfriend and he was really worried about her. However, she was not his real girlfriend. He and Mizuhara had been lying and deceiving Nagomi and his parents.
◆Kibe punches Kazuya away. (223)
Kibe, who knows how Nagomi feels, beats up Kazuya for lying to her that Mizuhara is his girlfriend.
And Grandma Nagomi stuffs Chizuru.
◆I TRULY HOPE... THIS IS NOTHING MORE THAN A MISUNDERSTANDING. DO YOU CARE... TO EXPLAIN YOURESELF? (223)
I TRULY HOPE... THIS IS NOTHING MORE THAN A MISUNDERSTANDING.
DO YOU CARE... TO EXPLAIN YOURESELF?
It's a fact that for a year and a half, Kazuya and Chizuru have been lying together and deceiving their grandmothers. It's a fact that Chizuru has been cooperating with Kazuya. She has been acting as if there were a happiness between them that never existed. Since it's been a year and a half, there must have been a time when they could have revealed the truth. And yet, they had kept it a secret. Even if they had said that they were really doing it for their grandmothers, it would have sounded like a bitter excuse. They would only be blamed for why they didn't tell the truth.
◆THIS FREAKING SUCKS... SAYURI-SAN ISN'T EVEN WITH US ANY MORE... (223)
If Sayuri, who was the only one who knew about Chizuru's suffering, had been here, she would have protected Chizuru. However, Sayuri is no longer there. Kazuya couldn't say anything anymore.
But then he realized that the cries of his heart were pouring out of his mouth.
◆NO...! YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG! MIZUHARA... SHE'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL...!! (223)
NO...! YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG!
MIZUHARA... SHE'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL...!!
Kazuya knows that Chizuru Mizuhara is not that kind of girl. She sometimes gets a little crabbily but good-natured, she puts his feelings first, she takes care of him even when he's miserable, she's strong even when she's in pain, she always looks forward and she lives her life to the fullest. She is a girl who loves her grandmother so much that she dreams of showing her that she's standing on the screen.
After all this time, anything he says may sound like just an excuse. Even so, there was no way Kazuya could just sit back. He definitely doesn't want to let Mizuhara look like the bad guy.
I would never let Mizuhara be the bad guy...!
Kazuya will never make Chizuru the bad guy, even if he lies to them, even if he was made fun of, and even if he looks like the bad guy.
There are probably three things that Kazuya wants everyone to understand. First, that Chizuru is not the kind of girl who would cheat the Kinoshita family out of their money without hesitation. Secondly, she didn't do it to deceive Sayuri (she really cared about Sayuri). Finally, Kazuya asked Chizuru to do so for him.
However, if we consider Kazuya's biggest desire (purpose), it is that he definitely does not want to make Chizuru the bad guy. It's his determination to protect Chizuru. If he can achieve that, he is prepared to lie. He may be trying to protect Chizuru by blaming everything on himself.
This may be a bit of wishful thinking on my part, but if you think about it in the real world, Kazuya's "confession" would easily override Mami's acting.
After all, acting is no match for real feelings. The time Kazuya has spent with Chizuru exists as a fact. There is a certain feeling of how important Chizuru is to him. That's why, when he sees the reality that Chizuru is being treated like a bad person, he feels that he has to protect Mizuhara and that Mizuhara is not that kind of girl. When he expresses his true feelings in words, the power of persuasion will be incomparable to that of Mami's acting.
The "real feeling" put into it is different from that of Mami's acting. In Kazuya's words, there is not a single percent of lie that he made up as an act. Even if what he says is mixed with lies that are not true, it doesn't matter. His voice is 100% his true feelings that Chizuru is really a wonderful person and that she can't be blamed. That "truth" would be definitely conveyed to them through his tone of voice, the way he speaks, and his facial expressions.
At that moment, Kuribayashi, who was saved by Chizuru and Kazuya when he had his heart broken, might be able to help them (returning the favor of Kuri).
Chizuru's Regret and Determination
When Kazuya confides his true feelings to her, Chizuru's face turns bright red and she lies face down on the bed (Chapter 174). She was so happy and embarrassed to know that Kazuya always had loved her.
◆ WHAT'S WONG WITH ME...? I'M SO STUPID... (174)
But at this time, Chizuru ran away from Kazuya's confession. She could have become his girlfriend if she just told him she loved him, but she ran away from that.
◆OH, COME ON... I NEED TO DO SOMETHING... (174)
OH, COME ON... I NEED TO DO SOMETHING...
For Chizuru, just telling him that she loves him is a very difficult thing to do (she's quite a pain in the ass).
(The reason why Chizuru can't tell him that she loves him is explained in detail here -> [ch 190] I Love Kazuya, So I Can't Be His Lover)
◆ Chizuru makes a "love avoidance" and sighs. (175)
If she allows Kazuya to confess his feelings for her, then they can't continue their false lover relationship. She will not be able to ask him to rent her anymore. They are in an agreement based on a promise not to fall in love (Chapter 32) ([ch 219] A New Start for Chizuru Ichinose). Furthermore, even if he confesses to her now, she won't be able to say anything and it will only result in her rejecting him. If that happens, it will hurt him and he might even give up on her. That's why Chizuru has been trying so hard to run away from his confession.
◆Chizuru was unable to stop Kazuya's confession. (213)
At the Hawaiians, Chizuru couldn't stop Kazuya's confession, and now they have to "break up". She ended up rejecting Kazuya, and she hurt him. So what she feared has happened ([ch 219] A New Start for Chizuru Ichinose).
◆Chizuru had to accept the "breakup" (213)
Even so, the decision to break up was the best way for Chizuru, as she didn't know when Mami would expose their lie. If she pretended that they had broken up, the time she had spent with the Kinoshita family would not be a lie, and it would not mean that she and Kazuya had lied to them and deceived them.
◆NO MATTER WHAT... NO MATTER HOW SHE FEELS... "CHIZURU MIZUHARA" IS SMILING! (222)
NO MATTER WHAT... NO MATTER HOW SHE FEELS...
"CHIZURU MIZUHARA" IS SMILING!
However, they find out that she is his rental girlfriend.
For Chizuru, being found out as his rental girlfriend is different from being found out as not being Kazuya's girlfriend. It means that all the time she has spent with the Kinoshita family will be "never happened". All the trust, love, and gratitude she had shown to Grandma Nagomi and Kazuya's parents would become a lie. The true heart that she feels from the bottom of her heart will be turned into a fake ([ch 222] Mami Makes the Truth into a Lie). And she can't help but be accused of having deceived both the Kinoshita family and her own grandmother. It's natural that they think she's a bad girl who lies without hesitation.
Now that they know that what she has been doing is an act, the woman in front of Grandma Nagomi is not her grandson's wonderful girlfriend, but just another woman who has been lying to her. There is no "trust" that has been built up. Grandma Nagomi didn't forgive Chizuru for her lies.
◆SAYURI-SAN BELIEVED IN YOU... UNTIL THE VERY END. (223)
◆SHE LEFT THIS WORLD BELIEVING... HER DEAREST GRANDDAUGHTER HAD FINALLY MANAGED TO INTRODUCE HER BOYFRIEND TO HER. (223)
HOWEVER... CHIZURU-SAN...
SAYURI-SAN BELIEVED IN YOU... UNTIL THE VERY END.
SHE LEFT THIS WORLD BELIEVING... HER DEAREST GRANDDAUGHTER HAD FINALLY MANAGED TO INTRODUCE HER BOYFRIEND TO HER.
At those words, Chizuru couldn't say anything.
Grandma Nagomi was right. Grandma Sayuri had no idea that she had been lying to her, and she wished for a wonderful future for her and Kazuya. She believed that she was seriously in love with Kazuya.
◆BUT I DON'T THINK THRE EXISTS A PERSON... WHO IS BETTER SUITED TO YOU THAN HIM. (223)
BUT I DON'T THINK THRE EXISTS A PERSON... WHO IS BETTER SUITED TO YOU THAN HIM.
That's why she took Chizuru's love so seriously.
When Chizuru realized that she was in love with Kazuya (chapter 86), she didn't see a wonderful future with him. She thought she was just a rented girlfriend to him and that she was falling in love with him on her own. At that time, her grandma told her that there exists no one who is better suited to her than him. She pushed her back and told her that she should believe in her love even if it was a love that started as a lie and she didn't even know if it would come to fruition (Chapter 113) (The Paradigm Shift that Happened to Chizuru).
Sayuri believed that Chizuru was really in love with Kazuya, and she always wished for Chizuru's happiness. And even now, she is watching over her in heaven ([ch 202] I'm Happy Now... Grandma).
◆Chizuru has been running away from Kazuya's confession for a long time. (223)
And yet, Chizuru has been unable to reveal her true feelings to Kazuya and continues to betray Grandma Sayuri's wishes. She has turned her back on her grandma's desire for her to be happy.
And because of that, she has betrayed the feelings of her loved ones and hurt the person she loves and cares about the most in the world.
◆Chizuru clenches her fists in regret. (223)
I wonder why I'm doing this...
My grandma believed in me.
She wanted me to be happy.
I even betrayed Grandma Nagomi and his parents.
I hurt the person I love.
I really wonder... why I'm doing this...
Chizuru clenched her fists tightly.
Chizuru must have known what she really had to do. If she had been able to confide in Kazuya that she loved him, none of this would have happened. With just that, she was able to answer Sayuri's desire for her happiness. She could have grasped the happiness that she truly wanted. And yet, she couldn't do just that. Because of her own unworthiness, she had betrayed the precious feelings of the people she cared about. Chizuru must have strongly blamed herself for not being able to tell Kazuya that she loved him.
I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. The essential cause (obstacle) of their inability to become true lovers is not that they lost their false lover relationship because of Mami, nor is it that Kazuya has a trial girlfriend. It is Chizuru's inability to tell Kazuya that she loves him. The fact that Chizuru felt that she had to face Kazuya's confession is the most significant event in the Paradise Arc. It means that Chizuru has overcome the biggest obstacle that she has to overcome in order to become Kazuya's girlfriend. It is truly a watershed, a turning point (tears of joy).
And Kazuya will do everything in his power to protect Chizuru. No matter how much he is ridiculed, criticized, or even if he lies, he will try to protect Chizuru no matter what. Even though she is undermining him because of her own fault, even though she hurt him by saying "sorry," he'll still stand by her. If she sees him like that, I'm sure she can't help but feel ashamed of herself for continuously running away from his confession. I think she will realize how much she loves him once again. I expect that Chizuru's determination will be strengthened then.
So that's how I look back on chapter 223. Anyway, it was really good (I cried out of joy). After all, it was Sayuri who created Chizuru's determination. Well, after this, I think she and Nagomi will be able to reconcile properly, and Nagomi will push Chizuru back at the end.
Chizuru is having a really hard time because her lie has been exposed and Nagomi hates (misunderstands) her. But I, for one, want to praise Chizuru for starting to take steps to face Kazuya's confession. I want to hug her and pat her on the head.
In chapter 223, Chizuru's regret has been created. After this, her behavior will surely change. When she sees Kazuya defending her, she may show her regret in her actions. We may see Chizuru speaking her true feelings as much as she can to protect Kazuya (I hope).
And after Chizuru and Kazuya return to Tokyo, they will be just college classmates and neighbors. We will see the two of them trying to become lovers somehow. The future where they become lovers is already in sight.
See you in the next post!