[chapter 202] I'm Happy Now... Grandma
■The original Japanese version
■The previous article
[ch 201] The One Who Really Thought She'd Won
Hello. I'm Korakuone. I hope you are enjoying Kanokari.
Chapter 202 was good, wasn't it? I'm also happy to see Chizuru's happy face.
Today, I'm going to talk about the recollections of Grandma Sayuri first, and then I'll talk about when Chizuru will be able to become Kazuya's real girlfriend. I'd also like to talk a bit about the conversation between Mami and Ruka in chapter 200. It was so interesting. I didn't write an article for chapter 200, but please forgive me for this lol.
I'm Happy Now... Grandma
Chizuru decides to watch a hula dance show with Kazuya and his family. While watching the show, she finds a neighboring family enjoying the show.
◆Chizuru and her family (202)
Now, Chizuru has no one she can call "her family". Her father left her when she was little, she lost her mother, her grandfather died three years ago, and this year she lost her only living relative, Grandma Sayuri. The Hawaiians was the setting for Chizuru's favorite movie. She has wanted to see the hula dance show since she was a little girl.
If Grandma and Grandpa were still alive...
how wonderful it would have been.
I wish I could have seen the hula dance show with them.
Chizuru must have felt something like that. She turned her head down once.
However, the feeling that flowed into Chizuru's heart after that was not loneliness at all.
◆AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THAT IN MIND... THEY'LL SURELY BE DRAWN TO YOU... ANYONE YOU'D WANT TO HAVE BY YOUR SIDE. (202)
Chizuru's heart is getting satisfied because she has Kazuya next to her, Grandma Nagomi, and her friends.
Chizuru has no one she can call "her family". Her beloved Grandma Sayuri and Grandpa are no longer by her side. However, now next to Chizuru, the people who she wants to have by her side...
Chizuru remembers what Grandma Sayuri said to her one day.
NEVER FORGET, CHIZURU,
THAT CHANGING THE WORLD AROUND YOU ISN'T EASY...
BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.
AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THAT IN MIND...
THEY'LL SURELY BE DRAWN TO YOU...
ANYONE YOU'D WANT TO HAVE BY YOUR SIDE.
◆The Happyness Newspaper 202話
When Chizuru was in the first year of junior high school, she was worried about her project for the summer vacation. The project was to write about "happy moments" that happened with her family during the vacation and make a newspaper. At that time, Chizuru couldn't find any "happy moments". Her friends at school made newspapers about fun trips they took with their mothers and fathers, about what they bought for them, about the delicious food they ate, or about how they celebrated their birthdays. But Chizuru's family is not wealthy, and she doesn't have a father or mother. She doesn't go out much. Chizuru couldn't find any "happy moments" as her friends around her would say.
NOTE: Elementary and junior high school students in Japan have about 40 days of vacation during the summer. It is called "夏 (summer) 休み (vacation). At that time, they are given some assignments that are not done in their regular classes. These include free research and book reports.
So Chizuru invites Grandma Sayuri to go out with her.
THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU TO COME TODAY...
I'VE GOT... LESS TO WRITE ABOUT COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE.
When Chizuru told Sayuri so about the situation, she replies
◆SO DO YOU THINK THAT EVERYONE WITH A MON AND A DAD... WHO LIVES IN A FANCY HOUSE... IS HAPPY? (202)
YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU DON'T HAVE A MOM, AND YOU DON'T HAVE A DAD...
NO MONEY, EITHER. THIS HOUSE IS RUN DOWN TOO.
SO DO YOU THINK THAT EVERYONE WITH A MON AND A DAD...
WHO LIVES IN A FANCY HOUSE... IS HAPPY?
Then you are not happy because you have no money and no father or mother? Chizuru can't answer that question. Because Chizuru is happy with her grandma and grandpa.
But even if she were to say that, Chizuru would be troubled. In order to finish her project for the "Happiness Newspaper," she has to find something like happy moments that she can write about. She has to find something like a family event, like going out somewhere, eating delicious food, or celebrating a special occasion. Chizuru askes back to Grandma Sayuri.
◆THAT'S NOT TALKING ABOUT. IT'S A PHYSICAL PROBLEM. (202)
THAT'S NOT TALKING ABOUT.
IT'S A PHYSICAL PROBLEM.
I don't have a mom or dad, I don't go out a lot, and I don't go out to eat good food very often, so I don't have anything to write about. When Chizuru said this, Sayuri hugged Chizuru tightly.
◆OH? THEN HOW'S THIS FOR "PHYSICAL"! (202)
OH? THEN HOW'S THIS FOR "PHYSICAL"!
SEE, THE DOCTOR SAID THAT MY HEART'S BEEN GOING TOO QUICKLY LATELY...
BUT WHEN I DO THIS, I FEEL COMPLETELY RELAXED!
◆AND YET I'M SO, SO HAPPY. WHY? (202)
MY MON AND DAD...
THEY DIED A LONG TIME AGO, TOO, YOU KNOW?
AND YET I'M SO, SO HAPPY. WHY?
So, isn't hugging you like this (= physical) a "happy moment"? Lately I've been told that my illness is getting worse, and it makes me anxious, but when I hug you, I feel relieved. My mom and dad passed away too, but I'm so happy. Why do you think that is? Sayuri asks Chizuru.
I'm happy just to have you in my life.
When Chizuru was in junior high school, she couldn't yet understand how Grandma Sayuri felt when she hugged her tightly. Perhaps she took the "happy moment" for granted and didn't realize it. Maybe she didn't realize it because it was different from what her friends around her called "happy moments".
◆AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THAT IN MIND... THEY'LL SURELY BE DRAWN TO YOU... ANYONE YOU'D WANT TO HAVE BY YOUR SIDE. (202)
But her encounter with Kazuya made her realize it. Don't tell me you're giving up! That day when she was about to give up on her dream, Kazuya encouraged her by saying so. Kazuya gave Chizuru the power to dream. I'll get the money. So just do it, Mizuhara. Let's make a movie together! Kazuya was always on her side. He cherished the fact that she helped him as a rental girlfriend. On that day when she lost Sayuri, she was so lonely that she felt like she was going to die because she couldn't have the person she loved by her side. Kazuya thought about Chizuru more than anyone else and tried to cheer her up as much as he could. He told her that he wanted her to rely on him. She was supposed to be his rental girlfriend, and even though Kazuya could have chosen any other girl, he didn't lose feelings for her. I like you, Chizuru-san, even if you are an alien. Grandma Nagomi and Kazuya's parents always welcomed Chizuru warmly and loved her as if she were their own daughter.
Grandma and Grandpa could no longer be there for Chizuru. But now she has Kazuya and Grandma Nagomi by her side.
NEVER FORGET, CHIZURU,
THAT CHANGING THE WORLD AROUND YOU ISN'T EASY...
BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.
AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THAT IN MIND...
THEY'LL SURELY BE DRAWN TO YOU...
ANYONE YOU'D WANT TO HAVE BY YOUR SIDE.
◆The people you want to have by your side are there for you. (202)
A warm feeling poured into her chest. There is no loneliness anywhere. Chizuru looked up to the sky.
◆I'm Happy Now... Grandma (202)
I'm Happy Now... Grandma
Chizuru is not wealthy, and she has no one she can call "her family". However, the people you want to have by your side are there for you. That's all it takes to make you feel relieved, and every ordinary moment begins to sparkle. It fills your heart with such happiness. Chizuru now learned what Grandma Sayuri meant by "happiness", which she had not understood at the time.
I Want to Be by Your Side Forever
In this blog, I'm following the flow of Chizuru's feelings, so the order of the story is different from the page order of the manga. In the manga, Chizuru starts to recollect when she sees the family next to her having fun, but it's the next page of the spread where she actually looks back on the events with Sayuri.
◆The people you want to have by your side are there for you. (202)
This is the page. If you put yourself in Chizuru's shoes, you could find out that it's an erroneous idea that her feeling of being all alone without her family was the trigger for her to realize the meaning of "happiness" as Sayuri said. Rather, it should have been triggered by the fact that she thought she was all alone, but unexpectedly felt overflowing with happiness because Kazuya and Nagomi were by her side. So, after Chizuru realized her happiness (after the page spread), she remembers what happened with Sayuri and realizes the meaning of "happiness" that she was taught by Sayuri.
Chizuru's feeling of "I'm happy that the 'person I want to have by my side' is there for me" is depicted once after she was able to vent her grief over the loss of Sayuri in front of Kazuya (chapter 166).
◆BUT THEN I CRIED IN FRONT OF HIM... AND I FELT CLEANSED. (166)
I love you and I want to be by your side forever.
I want to rely on this person. On that night, when Chizuru strongly whished so and was able to vent her grief in front of Kazuya, she must have realized where to find a place that would fill her loneliness, where she could feel relieved, and who she wanted the "person who supports her" to be. At that time, she must have clearly felt that she wanted to be by Kazuya's side.
The feeling that Sayuri said in Chizuru's memory, "I feel relieved because you (my loved one) are by my side" (chapter 202), is the same feeling that is flowing through Chizuru at this time (chapter 166). For the current Chizuru, Kazuya is truly an irreplaceable and precious person. He is the one who gives her the power to dream, the one she wants to help, and the only one she can show her weakness to. She is not good at relying on others, and if Kazuya had not been by her side, she would not have been able to rely on anyone, would have been constantly worried, and would have easily fallen apart at the slightest thing. With Kazuya always on her side, Chizuru doesn't feel anxious, she can always be her right self, and she can pursue her dreams with all her might.
◆TO ALWAYS... HAVE THEM BY YOUR SIDE... (179)
On the way home from Umi's party, Chizuru said to Kazuya, "TO ALWAYS... HAVE THEM BY YOUR SIDE" (chapter 179), which is a feeling she strongly felt that night.
On this family trip, Chizuru feels once again that she is happy that the person she wants to have by her side is there for her (chapter 202).
◆I'm Happy Now... Grandma (202)
The difference between this chapter and the previous ones is that Chizuru is looking into the future. On the day she was able to let out her sorrow to Kazuya, she didn't see a future where she and Kazuya could become lovers (chapters 164-166). However, since the day she learned Kazuya's true feelings (chapter 174), Chizuru can see a future where they can become lovers or rather even a family. And she felt "happiness" again on this family trip. I'm not as wealthy as the people around me, and I don't have a family. But the people I want to be by my side are there for me. I'm sure they will always be. I think Chizuru wants to cherish this "happiness" by looking into the future.
The people I want to have by my side are there for me.
I'm sure they will always be.
I can't stop smiling already. Now that this has happened, I can't help but hope that Kazuya and Chizuru will become lovers. I think Chizuru's feelings for becoming Kazuya's girlfriend have grown considerably. Now that her suspicions about Kazuya have been confirmed (chapter 201), she may start making concrete moves to become his girlfriend. Let's hope for the best.
In Order to Become Kazuya's Lover
I said that the day when Chizuru can become Kazuya's lover may be near, but in reality, I think it will take a lot longer. That's because Chizuru still has a few things that could become obstacles. Assuming that Miyajima-san takes the longest possible detour and puts all of those obstacles in Chizuru's way, it's going to take about 50 more chapters. I'd like to talk about what I envision to be Chizuru's possible obstacles. Currently, I'm thinking of three things. Chizuru's "love avoidance," Ruka, and Grandmother Nagomi.
1. Chizuru's "Love Avoidance"
The first one is the fact that Chizuru can't tell Kazuya, "I loves you, too". In our sense, if you know that you have feelings for each other, you think why don't you just tell him how you feel and become lovers, but for Chizuru, it's difficult.
◆AH. I SEE. (201)
You can see the same thing after she asked him, "Did you?" This girl is quick to deny her feelings when they are about to be revealed and end up misunderstanding Kazuya. When she was in the relationship of a rental girlfriend and a client, she had no problem continuing to act like that, but in order to become Kazuya's girlfriend, she has to say in words, "I love you too". If Kazuya confessed his love to her when she couldn't do that, Chizuru wouldn't be able to say anything and might end up dumping him at worst. Chizuru knows this, so when she realizes that the confession is coming, she runs away as soon as she can. I talk about Chizuru's love avoidance problem in detail in my blog for chapter 190, so please read that ([ch 190] I Love Kazuya, So I Can't Be His Lover).
◆OH, COME ON... I NEED TO DO SOMETHING... (174)
In chapter 202, Chizuru once again felt that she was happy to have Kazuya by her side, but it still doesn't seem to be a big enough emotion for her to decide that she needs to tell Kazuya that she loves him. Chizuru's love avoidance is not something that can be overcome by logically deciding to do so in her mind. She really wants to become his lover as soon as possible, but she just can't do it. Chizuru's decision to become Kazuya's lover itself has been made when she learned his true heart (chapter 174). When Chizuru says, "OH, COME ON... I NEED TO DO SOMETHING...," after she gets up from the bed, she means that her intention to become Kazuya's girlfriend is clear, but she can't do it as she wants. The question is, what kind of emotion will Chizuru use as energy to overcome the obstacle of not being able to tell Kazuya that she loves him.
2. Lying to Ruka
The second thing is that he has been lying to Ruka for a long time. On the surface, Kazuya's relationship with Ruka seems to be Kazuya's problem, but it is essentially Chizuru's problem. Chizuru is asking Kazuya to go out with Ruka because she doesn't want her to reveal that she is working as a rental girlfriend and that she broke the terms of service to continue a false lover relationship with Kazuya (chapters 25-27).
◆ちっ 違うわよ (It's wrong! ) (35)
Chizuru has always told Ruka that she was a rental girlfriend and would never have a private relationship with her clients. But in reality, she's fallen in love with Kazuya, really enjoyed their dates, tried to get close to him, and is now trying to become his girlfriend. So Chizuru has been lying to Ruka for a long time. From Ruka's point of view, Chizuru has been lying to her all along to keep her connection with Kazuya, and in the end, she is trying to take him away from her. Perhaps Chizuru knows how selfish she's been.
Therefore, before Chizuru can become Kazuya's girlfriend, she must tell Ruka her true feelings and apologize for lying to her all these years. More importantly, she has to have Ruka, his trial girlfriend, admit that she and Kazuya become lovers. It would be hard for this girl, who has a hard time talking about her true feelings, to face Ruka seriously and tell her, "I want to be Kazuya's lover. I want you to forgive me for lying to you."
Well, there is a route that Ruka will thoroughly blame him after she and Kazuya become lovers, but in the end, if this Ruka problem has to be overcome somewhere, I imagine that it will be an obstacle that Chizuru has to overcome before becoming lovers with Kazuya.
As for the need to apologize, the same can be said about Mami. Because Mami was deeply hurt because Chizuru and Kazuya started a false lover relationship. If Chizuru and Kazuya found out about Mami's situation, I think they would apologize to her. Chizuru, who is always right, and Kazuya, who is always kind, would probably think twice about becoming lovers unless she forgives them.
3. I Want You to Accept that I'm a Liar.
◆GRANDMA NAGOMI... SHE'S GONNA FIND OUT...! EVERYONE'S GONNA FIND OUT...EVERYONE. (184)
The last thing is to get Grandma Nagomi to accept that she is a liar. Chizuru is trying her best not to let her lie be exposed. Because she is afraid that if she is exposed as a liar, Grandma Nagomi will hate her (chapter 184). I'm sure she also worried that even if she become Kazuya's girlfriend, his family may not accept her as they have in the past. Chizuru still doesn't trust Kazuya's parents and Nagomi enough to think that they will accept her as she is.
That's why Chizuru wants to somehow hide her lie and establish a lover relationship with Kazuya. She may be able to establish a real relationship with Kazuya. If she can do that, it will be much easier for her to tell everything to Nagomi and his family, saying that we've been lying all along but now we're real.
But if you ask me which story I would rather see, it would definitely be the one where the lie is exposed before the two become lovers. Chizuru will be deeply depressed that she has been exposed as a liar and will be worried about whether she will be accepted as a member of Kazuya's family. Kazuya may lose his motivation to confess. But the drama is definitely more interesting. The higher the obstacle, the greater the energy it takes to overcome it. It should be possible to portray Chizuru's great emotions of "I am really loved by Grandma Nagomi" and "I want to be with Kazuya". Then, I think the story would depict Chizuru overcoming higher obstacles.
Well, if Chizuru was a girl who didn't make love avoidance at all, she would have already told Kazuya her true feelings and become his girlfriend, and she would have talked with Kazuya and overcome all the obstacles lightly. As she overcomes the obstacles between Chizuru herself and Ruka, Mami, and Nagomi one by one, I think she will finally tell Kazuya, "I love you too" (probably). I predict that such a story will be depicted. Conventional, typical, and orthodox. Personally, I'm hoping that Nagomi will push Chizuru's back in the end.
Mami-chan's True Purpose
At the end of chapter 202, Mami squeezes her phone as she watches Chizuru and Kazuya talking happily. Mami's eyes are dyed black and she is clearly indignant. What is she thinking about now?
◆Mami stares at the happy Chizuru and Kazuya. (202)
I'll briefly look back at the conversation between Ruka and Mami at the pool (chapter 200).
When I listened to their conversation, I felt like I didn't expect it. That is, Mami simply can't accept that Chizuru and Kazuya are going to be lovers, and that is probably the motivation for all her actions.
◆BUT THIS... "ISN'T RIGHT"... IS IT? 200話
I just can't accept that Chizuru-san and Kazu-kun would become lovers.
I can't help but think that Mami's words to Ruka are not just a ploy to get Ruka on her side, but her true feelings. If my understanding was correct, Mami wouldn't be only going to end the rental relationship between Chizuru and Kazuya, but she would be really going to tear their relationship apart.
◆IF AFTER ALL THAT, ALL YOU GOT WAS, "G.G."... I WONDER HOW YOU'D FEEL... (202)
At first glance, they look like a real boyfriend and girlfriend, and his grandmother is overjoyed that her grandchild has a wife. But in reality they're not, are they? The girlfriend is a "rental girlfriend" and the boyfriend is a "client". The people around them have been fooled for years. But if the two of them say that they have feelings for each other and are going to be together, then all the lies that they've told so far will be forgiven and they'll tell you like, "G.G. (good game)," and you could be convinced with that? That's how Mami tells Ruka.
Mami has lost Kazuya to Chizuru Mizuhara, a rental girlfriend. No matter how much she tried to attract his feelings, he never came back. Kazuya chose Chizuru and never came to the pool (chapter 20). If he had got a real girlfriend, Mami might have had to accept it. But Chizuru Mizuhara is a rental girlfriend. In fact, she must not have a private relationship with a client. Yet, she kept his feelings connected to her and continued to be like a real girlfriend. It is too cowardly to do such a thing when it is not really allowed. I'm sure even if Mami was not convinced that Chizuru had taken Kazuya, it was a very natural feeling. Furthermore, if Mami had gotten into a situation where she couldn't freely fall in love anymore due to family reasons before she had learned that they were just in a rental relationship (just assuming a possible background), she wouldn't want to admit that they would become lovers. If Mami had been able to find out earlier that Chizuru and Kazuya were lying, she might have been able to honestly tell him that she wanted to start over with him. There could have been a wonderful future between Mami and Kazuya. I can relate to Mami's feelings.
Maybe Mami feels so lonely and frustrated about losing Kazuya that she feels like blaming Chizuru. When your favorite team, such as Japan's national team, loses, you sometimes find it hard to accept the reality of the situation and feel like blaming something, like the referee's decision was wrong or the opponent's play was not fair, right? I guess it's a similar feeling. From a third party's point of view, the fact that Chizuru continued her relationship with Kazuya as a rental girlfriend is not a big deal. But maybe Mami is so lonely and frustrated with losing Kazuya that she wants to criticize such a small mistake. I kind of feel sorry for her, and honestly, I want to be on her side.
Up until now, Mami has only said the "right" things from a third party's point of view. She's told you that if you spend money on a rental girlfriend, you won't be able to find real love, or that it's dangerous for a rental girlfriend to be approached by clients. Maybe Mami, who always tried to be a good girl by playing the role of an "angel," couldn't be selfish enough to ask him to stop renting because of her personal feelings. Maybe she didn't want him to think that she still had feelings for Kazuya. However, what she told Ruka was not something that even a third party would agree with. 99 out of 100 people would say that even if they started out as a rental girlfriend and a client, if they have feelings for each other, they should become lovers. Mami's opinion that Kazuya and Chizuru becoming lovers is unacceptable is based on her own personal feelings. If the listener had not been Ruka, he/she would have criticized like, "What's wrong with that? Mami, do you have something against the two of them?"
I just can't accept that Chizuru-san and Kazu-kun would become lovers.
This is something that Mami herself feels strongly about, and I think she was able to ask this because she imagined that Ruka, who had lost Kazuya to Chizuru, would feel the same way as she did.
So far I have been saying that Mami's goal must be to end the rental relationship between Chizuru and Kazuya or to clarify Chizuru's ambiguous attitude ([ch 195] A Promise that Mami Forced upon Chizuru). However, if my understanding was right, Mami would be seeking a result beyond ending the rental relationship between Chizuru and Kazuya. She may be planning to break their trust and put them in a situation where they cannot become lovers.
That's how I looked back at chapter 202. I feel that Chizuru's happiness value has peaked at this point, so I'm sure she'll be facing a difficult situation from here on. Let's wait and see how she and Kazuya will get over it. I can't wait to see how Ruka-chan and Mami-chan will move in the future.
See you in the next post!
■The previous article
[ch 201] The One Who Really Thought She'd Won
