老舗隊廟。

あ～…
昨日ばっかりはほんと嫌になったなぁDASH!
ほんとめんどくさい。
意味もない。

死にたい死にたいって
死にたきゃ勝手に死ねば？
包丁を手首に当てると全身が震え出すの知ってる？
少し傷がつけばその震えが引いて行く事は？
本当に死ぬ気なんかないくせに。
あんたの大事な孫が二人ともこんなんなってるよ。
それでも二人とも、その震えと生きる事を選んできた。

家中が参ってる。
なんで、こんなになるまでほっといたの…？
この気味悪い呪縛ってほんと何？
こんなとこで終わりたくなんかない…！
なのに動く力も湧いてこない。
誰かに縋りたい気持ちすら、もう湧いてこないよ。




うちに来てくれた小さい命に申し訳ない。
全身が震えてても留まらせてくれるのに…
ごめんね。
ちゃんと最後まで、あんたを幸せにするからね。

…と話し掛けてます。

one step at a...

I can't believe that ten days past already!!

Time goes by awfuly slowly here...

I don't know what I should do now.


I really need to get out of here.

Otherwise I can't take care of my depression.


To do so, I need money.

But I have no money. lol

I need to work, but lately I can't even...


Sigh... I guess I'm a kind of stuck now.

I'm sure I can work really well if I'm healthy.

I really like working.

Only if I could...

... ...

Well, I gotta have to stop making EXCUSE!!!

Yea, I know. LOL


What I'm gonna do is stop wining and...

and... ???

Hmm... maybe...

maybe...


LOL, I can't even think properly.

Stupid!!


Oh BTW, I don't know why but

writing English makes me feel better a little bit.

なんじゃそりゃー！

いいの。

日本語だとどんどん深く嵌っていっちゃいそうだから；


peace


I went to beach.

I went to Junior High which I went,

and then went down to the beach from there.


I used to skip classes and go to the beach alone.

when I wanted to cry,

when I wanted to be "not OK,"

when I wanted to be myself...

I always felt so right and safe there.


after I went to the United States...

I forgot how much that place mean to me.


after I went to the US,

I didn't allow myselfe to go to the beach

even when I visited home for vacation.

it was because I was scared.

I thought I wouldn't be able to go back to the US,

if I went to the beach once. lol

cuz it was the only place that I could be "weak."


HMMM... I don't know how to explain!!!


Anyways, I went to the beach.

I liked being there, since I was in Junior High.

But I didn't go there after I went to the US.

I found that that place meant a lot to me.

That's all. lol