一瞬セレブ気分

I'm not a celebrity, so I never had reckless girls running toward me screaming, but somehow I always fantasize that. Today at a train station, people got off and on, I was the last person to get on the train, so I gotta stand by the door facing outside. And when the door is about to close, 3 young girls were running toward me recklessly. I know they just need to take this train, but I cannot help feeling like they are crazy about me, until they actually shoulder tackled me down.

オムツ替えと男のプライドと

In a diaper changing room in stores, they usually got 4-5 diaper changing beds in line, so mothers or fathers are standing side by side and do the diapering. Mothers sometimes chat with next mothers, like "How old is your baby? 8 months? She's so cute!" On the other hand daddies never talk to other daddies, 'cause we beef each other. It's not about the baby, it's about us. "Look how quick I am sucker, I'm a diapering champ!" "Fuck you, I got more decent job than yours, dick"

背の高い女

It was rainy in the morning rush hour. I had to walk through people holding umbrella. There was a woman walking toward me, so I kindly raised my umbrella not to hit her umbrella, so she raised her umbrella even higher than mine and left me behind. Fucking tall people.

猫の真似をするオッサン

At a stop, the train was almost full, so everyone waiting at the stop gotta push themselves in the train. There's a one guy in his 40s in suit, he didn't push himself in like other people do. Instead he actually said "MEOW". We all are like "WHAT THE FUCK?" but we gotta make a space for him 'cause we don't wanna touch a fucking psychopath who thinks he's a damn kitty. 

In the end, the only way you could be comfortable on rush hour train seems to be making others uncomfortable by being an animal. I'd rather miss the train by being a man.

男性の3倍

Some statistics say women talk 3 times more words than men do. So if you go out with a woman, it's like you have to deal with 3 dudes talking about celebrity gossips. So ladies, please don't get mad when your man keeps saying "uh-huh" to your "What do you think?" questions.

手に取った服が

At a clothing shop, I look around, touch the clothes, take it out from a hanger and check it on the mirror, and finally saw the price tag and it says "women", and I gotta pretend like I'm looking for a gift to my wife.

ハンサムと言われて

I took my daughter to a day care service today just like everyday. There are some lady teachers there, and I saw my daughter was playing with a young, kind of cute lady when I said goodbye to her. On the way out I heard  from behind "Your daddy is handsome, isn't he? Say bye-bye again". My daughter says "bye-bye". So I slowly turned around with the best handsome face possible all smiling, and I saw my daughter was waving in the arms of a 58 years old veteran teacher, winking.

俺のこと見えてますか？

I take my daughter to a day care service in the morning, and I see other parents taking their kids there. When we see each other I'm like "Good morning!" to them, and they are like "Good morning Riko. Hey Aya, say good morning to your friend." Like I'm fucking invisible.

新橋とシンパシー

"Shinbashi", Mecca of Japanese salarymen, kind of sounds like "Sympathy", which we all lack in this town.

娘を叱るとき

When I watch my daughter plays in a park, sometimes she does what she's not supposed to do, like cuts into the line to a slide, takes a toy from other kids, or runs around and crashes into other kids. So whenever she does such things I gotta tell her "No! Everyone is waiting", "No! He's playing with the toy", "No! You may hurt someone". But I know she cannot really understand what I say, she's still 1. So why I say that? It's actually for me to look like a good person from other parents by saying right things. I would be like "Way to go!" when she messes with kids whose parents are not around.