"Fuck"の正しい使い方

Japanese people are usually not very good at English, but we all know the word "fuck". But we are not using it in the right way. Most of us just say "fuck" for no reasons, like it's fashionable or something. I think "fuck" gotta be really fucked. Today I woke up early and left home to work to avoid rush hour. It's fine day and less people around so I felt good. So when I was about to pass the gate I realized I forgot my teiki (commuter pass) at home, which means I have to pay 390 yen half way. I could go home and get it, but come on, what did I wake up early for! So I went to ticket machine and pay the money which I would not have needed to pay, and here we come, it's time to say "fuck you fucking fucker!!!!"

日本に来てまでマックとか、、

I never understood why some American tourists bother to go to McDonald's while their visits in Japan. There are so many other foods to eat here.

So I went to Guam for early summer vacation last weekend. We are excited about being foreign country, so we ate a lot of local foods like pizza, burger, stake and seafoods. And on the 3rd day, we all got fed up with greasy shit, and went to a Japanese restaurant and had rice and miso soup, and we are like "ah, these are the best!" And the local people must be like "hey, there are so many other foods to eat here!!"

アジア顔

When I'm in tourist spots in foreign country, I'm always impressed with the local people trying to sell things, talking to us like "konnichiwa!" while there are Chinese or Korean tourists too. How could you tell I'm Japanese and they are Korean? Actually I can't really tell only by how they look.

But there are a few lazy motherfuckers talking to us "ni-hao, konnichiwa, anyohaseyo!"

我慢

What's important in your life? I'd say "patience". There are a lot of unpleasant things or people out there, but it's usually just waste of time to face them to try to make it better. So I just sit tight and let it go. That's what I learned in my life. So I'm teaching my daughter the secret of life, but I guess she's still too young to get it. When she watches anime on TV, she screams every 10 minutes. She still can't say the words, but I know she means "daddy, skip the commercials!!"

日本人のイメージ

Was drinking with friend, he is a big black guy. We ordered big ass beer and oolong tea. The lady who served them slammed the oolong tea in front of me, like "you embarrassing Japanese, drinking bitch shit like this..."

My friend was like "lady, that's mine"

She was surprised and turned back to me like "hey... wanna see my titties?"

ウゼェ専用車

There's a weird guy in morning rush hour train. He's seated, and keeps moving his body back and forth, trying to cross his legs, but they are not long enough and ended up with just kicking people around. The lady next to him looks very annoyed, she actually stares at him, but since he's weird, he doesn't give a shit. He got off at a stop, the lady was like "phew", and a moment later a sweaty old man happily came up "Oh it's my lucky day, I can sit" and took the spot, "Oh my, I thought I missed this train!" while he uses his fan to cool himself down, which also sprinkles his sweat to the lady. I don't think what we need is women only passenger car. What we need is a dark chair-less cargo to cram all the annoying motherfuckers in.

飛行機と電車の格の違い

My airplane is delayed for 55 minutes today. We pay hundreds of dollars for airplane rides, but we know there's nothing we can do about it, so we say "well, it happens". 

If train is delayed for 55 minutes, there's still nothing we can do about it, but we go "WTF!! How could you be so useless!? Un-fucking-believable!!" even though we only pay 2 bucks.

IKEAの不良品

Got a stool at IKEA but there's missing screw hole, so I asked for exchange. I got the new one and the missing hole from the last time was fine, but got another missing hole on different spot. How the fuck could you pick 2 defective packages in a raw in the big ass warehouse? Or there's no such thing called "assemblable" in your warehouse at all? Or do I need to complain one more time then you finally ship a package made in Sweden, not China?

ママ雑誌の弊害

There are so many forms of information for mothers, like magazines or internet articles introducing other mothers' experiences. I understand it's good source of information for them, but I want them to be banned right now for us. One of the main topics for mothers is how good their husbands are. Of course they introduce extreme examples, like "My husband comes home at 5 everyday and take care of our baby for the rest of the day!" Mothers are like "So wonderful!! You better learn from him!" We are like "You want me to work part time like this motherfucker?"

バカの三段活用

Yamanote line and Keihin-Tohoku line are going parallel for some stops, so I can take either one which comes first. I was on Yamanote first, but the announcement says the departure will be delayed because following trains are delayed, which sounds like a dumb reason, but then Keihin comes in so I changed the line. Soon after I got on Keihin the announcement says the departure will be delayed because they are picking up something that somebody dropped on the railway, which is even dumber reason, and I'm like Jesus! And the dumbest thing is that fucking Yamanote departed first in front of my face.