Life update (2023)
Hello, December 2023!Hello there!It's been more than two years since my last update. How have you been doing?Time so flies fast, it's now the last month of 2023, December. A lot of things happened since my last update.By the way, just to tell you what I'm currently doing right now, at this moment. I am currently revising my thesis and evaluating my research methods. I am not even sure if I am doing things right. I have to mull over this later. For now, my goal is to finish writing this blog entry LMAO . Also, ahhh today (14 Dec 2023) is the birthday of my babyguurl, Kim Jiwoong . He turned 25 this year. Yeah just a random TMI . I wanna write about him too, soon. Hopefully, I can.Anywaaaay, let me give you a quick glimpse of what happened to me for the past two years.As you can see from my blog before this, I have been stressing out due to a pile of Grad School requirements. Now, I am happy to share my progress last and this year with you. It's a mixture of happy and sad moments, but Overall, I guess it's more on the positive side (at least?). It is because I will be talking more about my mental health.I wonder if I should give you a Gantt chart to show it. LolSo, here are the updates, just the highlights because I can't even remember every detail...I'm sorry~((BEFORE I CONTINUE, LEMME TELL YOU THAT I'M NOT GOOD AT WRITING IN ENGLISH NOR ELOQUENT IN THIS LANGUAGE. However, let me convey to you the happenings as much as clearly as possible.))(writing and editing again 16 Dec 2023)When I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (after so many years of not knowing what's going on with me)The feeling of mania and depression, there's no in-between.I didn't know that the cycle of ups and downs that I've been feeling ever since is actually a sign of mental illness.I used to tell my parents about what I felt (which turned out to be symptoms), yet they always tended to dismiss everything I said. They told me that it was nothing and I was just overthinking. However, things worsened at the end of the year 2021, and continued to suffer so much depression from early 2022 until mid-year. I wascrying without knowing the exact reason why. I've been feeling so down and afraid to face people or the crowd. I lost all of my confidence. I just want to hide myself, be isolated, and not engage with anyone. Worst case is me having suicidal thoughts. I've been thinking of taking my life several times. I felt so pathetic. I was so sorry about myself for being helpless. That exact feeling when I no longer had the will to live. Everything seems so dark and cloudy along the way, I can't see which path I'm going to take anymore.After several weeks of having these feelings,I suddenly became optimistic, and hyper. Then, the cycle goes on. I'm afraid that Ihave hypothyroidism as well. Well, I need tests for this. Anyway...Looking at where I am right now, compared to before, I feel better. However, I'm still not completely okay. I'll be carrying this burden, this illness for life since this is a lifetime diagnosis, yet I won't let it define my whole life. I can overcome it. Hopefully, it will be hypomania over depression. I want to be more productive and useful in this world. I would like to feel the enthusiasm to live and have a purpose in life. Funny because I used to lecture my friends about being hopeful in life, yet right now, it seems the opposite. I have to imbue those motivational and inspiring words to myself.To the future Michelle, I hope you already overcome your anxiety and depression. I hope you are happier than right now. I pray the best for you. You deserve all the care, happiness, love, support, and success in this world. Remember, you are amazing, cute, smart, and talented. Praise yourself for working hard to get where you are now. You've been doing great ever since. You have your family and close friends who love you. Above all, you have the Lord God Who Is always with you wherever and whenever you are. He's your Shepherd. I love you the most!---When I conducted part of my thesis at SEAFDEC, it is mostly Igang adventures (at Nueva Valencia, Guimaras). My thesis focusedon the parasite (Lepeophtheirus spinifer) that infests the sea-cage cultured snubnose pompano. I did a lot of things during my stay at SEAFDEC.Igang Marine Station is really scenic! I truly love the blue waters and the rich fauna and flora within the area.I can't really describe everything there so here are some of the pictures. (I think I have to share a lot of pictures but since I'm rushing to finish this blog, I can't. Lol)It's great to be back after 7 years!Below is the image of the Pompano Fish and the parasites Istudied.After a month at SEAFDEC, I went to the UPLB campus for my lab experiments, particularly in DNA Extraction, and PCR (OPTIMIZATIONS)It was hello, UPLB after 3 years. I feel like it was my first time again at UPLB. It was hard to adjust initially, but soon I got used to it. I had my mini progress before 2022 ends since I passed my thesis outline and had it approved by the Graduate School.You know what? I spent 2 semesters of PCR optimization.That was a whole lot of rides. However, the mitochondrial primers I used still weren't good enough. It identified a whole different species. A whole different Kingdom.I had my depression phase after receiving the results of DNA sequencing (this was around June to July 2023). I got very frustrated because the results did not go as I expected. It was like two months. I traveled back home to ease the sadness I felt. I became much better after that.Nevertheless, my biggest achievement this year was when I PASSED my comprehensive examination. It was a month-long review. It was all worth the effort, time, and tears. The questions were a bit challenging, but since I studied, I am still confident to answer the questions asked to me.I studied most of the time in this corner of the library.It was the month of May, my birth month. I celebrated my birthday alone. I bought a cake and a Jollibee meal. I was touched when someone approached me and greeted me with "Happy birthday". Lol. It was kind of embarrassing to celebrate at a fast-food restaurant, but then I pulled it off. I was so glad about it. I turned 26, approaching my late 20s. Oh naaaur! HAHAHAHA It's okay, Mich. Getting older is normal.This is the birthday cake I bought for myself. hehe(The fact that I am checking my Instagram account while writing this is because I need to look at the timeline of events of my life.)I also got my flat and tragus pierced as one of my birthday gifts for myself.Fast forward to my second DNA sequencing. It went well...Well, not all huhu. The18S was okay, I love the peaks!Here is one example!I cannot show you the peaks of 28S, because it is not so good. However, I salvaged the sequences and they are okay now. FormtCOI, it was a sad goodbye! It is no longer included in my study.Finally, my adviser approved my proposal to her regarding the number of samples to be presented in the molecular ID of my species.I alsoadmitted to my adviser that I was afraid of her. She told me that maybe I just have anxieties. Well, Ma'am, that's true. More than that actually. I was thankful because she is naturally kind despite the fear I felt towards her. Moreover, I am currently doing microscopy work, just for checking and taking pictures of my slides. Histology is hard tho. I don't have any background in it since I did not take any courses related to this. But then, I am trying my best to understand and find the accurate tissue alterations in my samples, given that there are.Now, I'm in my thesis writing phase.I'm seeing a good sign here. I pray that I will be able to accomplish my paper successfully. It's difficult for me to muster the courage and motivation to write my paper, but I will do my very best.Dear Lord God, Thank You for everything, and from here, I need Your utmost help and guidance.Walking on the flower path,Mich
