told her how i felt about this semester..
and told them that it IS my own fault for putting myself in deep shit..
but hey,
as parents..
they always want to have a bite in the nagging, eh? ^^;
of course they reminded me again of my mistake.
but the most important thing is that i told them that i won't give up for sure.
and they replied, "we got that. you do your best for tomorrow"
actually..
things did happen.
i ended up not being able to finish 2 out of 4 of my assignments.
i told myself that
if i cannot finish all these by friday, i shall just give them up and concentrate on my exams.
which i did..
yet i have not told my lecturers that i will not be able to submit them.
i could leave them to realise it later,
but as for courtesy i should at least notify them,
it's already sunday.
i should do it after i write this.
there is soooo many things i want to say about this semester.
i hope for those who are reading this entry
would not mind me suddenly telling the entire world about my goddamn life story.
if you don't want to know, i suggest you navigate yourselves away from my blog.
-thanks!-
quite a lot has happened this semester..
it had been a roller coaster that was... rather unpleasant at some points ^^;
as i previously mentioned, i managed to study something i wanted.
*insert sarcasm clap*
not really.. was already doing that since feb 2009.
well.. it was something i really wanted back then last year,
when i was studying (general) design..
i was motivated by the release of FF13 and the fact that the world is going hi-tech..
if i don't equip the design-side of me with these technological developments, how would i be able to make it to the working world later?
at first.. i was thinking of doing either communications or multimedia design.
but.. the word "games and interactivity" caught my eye.
after a bit of research, i thought,
why not i do this instead?
i may be equipped with the skills to do multimedia and communications design, BUT if i could take a step higher and 'mastermind' these skills (and computing skills), why not do that instead?
i thought i would have a better future for myself.. as a designer.
soon,
i successfully managed to convince my parents about it.
as they understood the state i got in when i studied business (2007 - 2009),
they might as well let me.
yes.. i did 'frame' them (in a way) for making me fail in studying business.
basically, it's because i really don't like it and i feel that it is not something that i would want to be doing in the future.
anyways..
after all, we promised each other that if i screw up, they are not to blame.
now..
after knowing that i still stumble and bruise myself all over
i'm starting to doubt myself.
what if this course is not for me?
what if i really screw up?
what if.. my parents see my results and would not let me continue study anymore?
i know i will do badly.
there is no doubt that i will even pass.
but deep inside,
i still want to continue trying.
i believe i can work much harder and be more organized.
during the semester, there had been quite a bit of hiccups..
my cosplay plans failing to go the way i wanted,
myself getting too distracted here and there.. and spent too much useless time for cosplaying..
i lack focus..
because if i were to say i never knew doing a design/arts course would be this tough,
it's as if i'm running away from my responsibilities.
and i don't want to.
it's because of my incompetence and lack of self-discipline,
i end up like this at the end of the semester.
if i could say if only i had worked harder and be more focused,
then that would mean that if only i had worked harder and be more focused,
i would have been able to get through with studying business
that means, i would have at least earned myself a degree by now.
then i would at least, have a qualification to work.
then i would be able to actually do something that i want for myself,
and say it proudly.
i HATE being so dependant on my parents..
when i have always been thought as someone who is very independent and strong.
i feel so... weak.
i don't know if i should call my parents and tell them what to expect..
but at the same time,
i don't want to disappoint them and make them doubt me.
or worse, tell me to give up doing what i like.
but still, i still want to continue to fight on and realise my future.
things did happen.
i ended up not being able to finish 2 out of 4 of my assignments.
i told myself that
if i cannot finish all these by friday, i shall just give them up and concentrate on my exams.
which i did..
yet i have not told my lecturers that i will not be able to submit them.
i could leave them to realise it later,
but as for courtesy i should at least notify them,
it's already sunday.
i should do it after i write this.
there is soooo many things i want to say about this semester.
i hope for those who are reading this entry
would not mind me suddenly telling the entire world about my goddamn life story.
if you don't want to know, i suggest you navigate yourselves away from my blog.
-thanks!-
quite a lot has happened this semester..
it had been a roller coaster that was... rather unpleasant at some points ^^;
as i previously mentioned, i managed to study something i wanted.
*insert sarcasm clap*
not really.. was already doing that since feb 2009.
well.. it was something i really wanted back then last year,
when i was studying (general) design..
i was motivated by the release of FF13 and the fact that the world is going hi-tech..
if i don't equip the design-side of me with these technological developments, how would i be able to make it to the working world later?
at first.. i was thinking of doing either communications or multimedia design.
but.. the word "games and interactivity" caught my eye.
after a bit of research, i thought,
why not i do this instead?
i may be equipped with the skills to do multimedia and communications design, BUT if i could take a step higher and 'mastermind' these skills (and computing skills), why not do that instead?
i thought i would have a better future for myself.. as a designer.
soon,
i successfully managed to convince my parents about it.
as they understood the state i got in when i studied business (2007 - 2009),
they might as well let me.
yes.. i did 'frame' them (in a way) for making me fail in studying business.
basically, it's because i really don't like it and i feel that it is not something that i would want to be doing in the future.
anyways..
after all, we promised each other that if i screw up, they are not to blame.
now..
after knowing that i still stumble and bruise myself all over
i'm starting to doubt myself.
what if this course is not for me?
what if i really screw up?
what if.. my parents see my results and would not let me continue study anymore?
i know i will do badly.
there is no doubt that i will even pass.
but deep inside,
i still want to continue trying.
i believe i can work much harder and be more organized.
during the semester, there had been quite a bit of hiccups..
my cosplay plans failing to go the way i wanted,
myself getting too distracted here and there.. and spent too much useless time for cosplaying..
i lack focus..
because if i were to say i never knew doing a design/arts course would be this tough,
it's as if i'm running away from my responsibilities.
and i don't want to.
it's because of my incompetence and lack of self-discipline,
i end up like this at the end of the semester.
if i could say if only i had worked harder and be more focused,
then that would mean that if only i had worked harder and be more focused,
i would have been able to get through with studying business
that means, i would have at least earned myself a degree by now.
then i would at least, have a qualification to work.
then i would be able to actually do something that i want for myself,
and say it proudly.
i HATE being so dependant on my parents..
when i have always been thought as someone who is very independent and strong.
i feel so... weak.
i don't know if i should call my parents and tell them what to expect..
but at the same time,
i don't want to disappoint them and make them doubt me.
or worse, tell me to give up doing what i like.
but still, i still want to continue to fight on and realise my future.
its feels as if almost forever since i update my blog..
have been studying/procrastinating for exams..
haven't done anything much except to screw up my sleeping time even more and get fat...
idk how i will be able to wake up n be on time for exam tmr..
iPhoneからの投稿
have been studying/procrastinating for exams..
haven't done anything much except to screw up my sleeping time even more and get fat...
idk how i will be able to wake up n be on time for exam tmr..
iPhoneからの投稿