in Singapore..

day 4.

it has been quite a shitty thing..

i forgot to unlock my phone (which is under 3mobile.AU) so that i could go roaming..

no, more like i have no time to do it DX

so now.. i haven't been able to do ANYTHING!!

lots of things had happened.. and there's soooooo many things i wanna blog D:

but I CAN'T!!!

[/rage @ 3]

but most importantly.. i have been a bit disappointed with my parents.. as well as my bro.

i meant to come to SG to visit him and see how he's been doing..

but he's been such a plain ass.

i'm now using the hotel's public comp, so there's quite a lot of people here DX

will write more soon..

they are...

still angry at me.

it's making me so worried sick.
when i should be worried about my exam later.

i would have had the perfect studying and concentration mood for this..
but after they called, it was all ruined to dust.


thanks for calling up at the wrong time.


now i really wonder how i can calm myself down..

my *heavy-ass* future seems is hanging on a strand of hair.
i still want to keep it, i really do..


but with this, i can only sincerely hope that they will understand my feelings and know that i'm still fighting for my future,
every single second of it..

i know i haven't worked hard enough, i know i have been over-distracted..
but i'm still not giving up altho i know things are going to turn bad this semester.


darn, i effin' wish my parents read my blog.
i hate trying to sms or call them just to tell them how i'm doing.
because international calls are effin' expensive - then they yell at me for spending too effin' much.

last paper for sem 1 2010 GOGOGO!!

my dad actually called after my first paper - yesterday.
i had to be honest and tell him i could not do it..
the part which i studied the least actually came out.
so yeah..
he "exploded".

literally..
not at me but at my mom and sis..

like.. c'mon, it's my fault.
why must it be them??
WHY?


still, i do not wish him to call anyways..
i don't want to panic over that failed paper anymore and concentrate on doing well for the next one.
so at least i can hope to pass.

but he called.
and freaked the shit out of me.


i feel like i'm threatened..
no, my FUTURE is threatened.

what if he asks me to go back home and not continue studying anymore?
when i want this sooo.. soooo... BADLY?

if i were to be a coward and try to escape,
i would make the excuse that this is the first time i'm doing a totally different course.
so i'm not used to the workload yet.

-- it will be a big fat lie.
there should be no more room for me to make mistakes.
whatever mistakes that i should make would be entirely my fault.


if i could bitch, may i bitch at the fact that i got myself distracted too much?
that failed cosplay plans which presumably cost my 1 month worth of studying..
(i was supposed to finish everything i need to do for april's con craze by the end of march, but it stretched to all the way till the end of april)


i really wish i could use that as my reasoning.

but for whatever that happens from now,
i wish that i do not have to stop what i'm doing now..
i'm still "fighting" for my future and it's just only the beginning!



---

for todays paper..

i'm actually quite proud of myself..

i managed to study all of my 1 semester of work in 16 hours.
that's 12 lectures in 16 hours.
not bad..

now i should give my right arm, hands and fingers a rest by getting my stuffs packed for my Singapore trip.. then to home (Indonesia).
i also have to do my laundry at least..


i strongly believe that i still have more will power under my sleeve to fight for my future.
OSSU!




PS: hmm... i kinda have lost 1kg i think.. idk, but i feel a little lighter..
prolly because of my vampire lifestyle and the fact that i'm rather "high" for no reason..
but heck.. i still have like... about 15kgs (note, i gained 5kg/year over 3 years in AU)