[chapter 252] Chizuru Realized that the Loneliness Was Unbearable
■Original Japanese article
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[ch 248] When Chizuru Hid Her True Feelings...
Hi there. Are you enjoying Kanokari? This is Korakuone.
The second season of the anime has reached its conclusion, and the live-action drama will soon reach its final episode. The "Summer of Kanokari" is almost over. How sad.
On the other hand, I took a break from the latest chapter of the manga for a while, since there was nothing special to talk about in the last few chapters, and continued writing my fan fiction, "Cinderella of the Kanokari Family". This time, I will try to organize the last few chapters in a robust manner for the first time in a while.
Lots of Japanese readers have been hoping that Chizuru and Kazuya would move out of their apartment in Nerima and that this would lead to them moving in together. Chapter 252 was the installment where Kazuya and Chizuru hit a comeback home run, jumping from 0% to 80% chance of them moving in together.
Kazuya wants to be with Mizuhara and hopes to support her. He knows that if Mizuhara needs someone, he wants it to be himself (Chapter 179). And he found himself that he really wanted to live with Mizuhara when he visited the place where she grew up (Chapter 248).
◆TO BE HONEST, IF WE'RE TRULY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER... I'D LIKE TO TELL HER THAT I WANNA LIVE WITH HER. (249)
TO BE HONEST, IF WE'RE TRULY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER... I'D LIKE TO TELL HER THAT I WANNA LIVE WITH HER.
However, Kazuya could not tell her that he wants to live with her. This is because, at present, they are not real lovers. Kazuya is still "under investigation" (Kazuya thinks that Chizuru is investigating if she can see him as her real lover) and their relationship remains as neighbors. Under these circumstances, there would be no one who can ask them to live together.
When Kazuya leaves the apartment, he feels a strong sense of loneliness at the reality that it will be difficult for him to see Mizuhara in the future. Mizuhara, on the other hand, seems perfectly fine with it. He just misses Mizuhara on his own, but she does not feel that way. So he cannot show his true feelings that he really wants to be with her. Kazuya feels that way.
Therefore, so far I have clearly stated that the possibility of them living together is 0%. The reality that they are not in a relationship lies firmly between them, and as long as Kazuya thinks that Mizuhara does not want them to live together, there is no way that they will ever talk about such a thing.
But in chapter 252, the situation reversed itself!
D-DOES IT... MAKE YOU SAD... OR SOMETHING...?
Kazuya halfway desperate, swears at Mizuhara, and she says
◆IT DOES. IT REALLY DOES! (252)
IT DOES. IT REALLY DOES!
He got an unexpected reply!
Kazuya couldn't tell Chizuru that he wanted to live with her. But now that Chizuru has said that she is lonely, there is no longer any reason (obstacle) why Kazuya can't say he wants to live with her. Kazuya can tell Chizuru about his true desire to live together. That's how the situation turned out.
The story has moved in the direction of them living together (Kazuya moves into a room in the Ichinose house) because Chizuru has revealed her true feelings. I do not expect that they will reach such a conclusion immediately next week, nor do I expect that they will necessarily settle down in the form of "living together. Still, if Kazuya has realized how lonely Chizuru is, he would never do anything to make her sad.
In this issue, I will review the last few chapters from the respective perspectives of Chizuru and Kazuya.
Kazuya Can't Tell Mizuhara that He Really Wants to Live with Her
When Kazuya visits Mizuhara's family's house (Ichinose family's house), he finds the footprints of her life with her family left there. Mizuhara seems unconcerned as she proceeds to clean up the house, but sometimes a shadow of loneliness is seen. Chizuru can't throw away the only photo she has taken with her grandpa and grandma, and she misses her mother, whom she has never even met (Chapter 247).
What Kazuya felt when he visited Mizuhara's family's house. It was
◆I WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER WITH HER. (248)
I WANT TO GET CLOSE TO HER.
I WANT TO BE BY HER SIDE.
I WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER WITH HER.
IT WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME THINK ALL THESE THINGS.
It was the feeling of wanting to live with Mizuhara.
Then, strangely enough, both Kazuya and Mizuhara had to leave their apartments due to the earthquake. Kazuya feels lonely to be evicted from the place where he and Mizuhara have lived together as neighbors. He really wants to tell her that he wants to live with her.
◆Chizuru seems unconcerned. (249)
However, that is not possible. Unlike Kazuya, Mizuhara seems unconcerned. He is the only one who is lonely and wants to live with her. His relationship with Mizuhara is still "under investigation" and they are not officially dating. It is not a relationship where he can say, "I want to live together with you."
◆TO BE HONEST, IF WE'RE TRULY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER... I'D LIKE TO TELL HER THAT I WANNA LIVE WITH HER. (249)
TO BE HONEST, IF WE'RE TRULY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER... I'D LIKE TO TELL HER THAT I WANNA LIVE WITH HER.
Thus, Kazuya is not given the option to live with Mizuhara in the first place. So when Kazuya is looking for a new apartment, he is worried about not being able to tell Mizuhara that he wants to live with her.
◆MASTER, I THINK... YOU SHOULD MOVE IN WITH MIZUHARA-SAN. (250)
Then, Yaemori-san appears. She invites Kazuya to have a drink with her. They are going to have a strategy meeting.
While they were having a lively time at the bar, Yaemori-san called Mizuhara, even though it was just a strategy meeting. "It sounds like fun". That curt message makes Kazuya worry that Mizuhara doesn't feel anything about him and thinks him as something like a pain in the neck. But
◆COOL IF I COME?
Unexpected reply! Whaaaaaaaat!? Kazuya and Yaemori-san shout out too loud.
Mizuhara appears at the bar and is as unconcerned as ever. She is unaware of Kazuya's feelings and flatly lays out her logics. Kazuya is annoyed by her attitude, and with the help of alcohol, he vents his dissatisfaction.
◆D-DOES IT... MAKE YOU SAD... OR SOMETHING...? (252)
D-DOES IT... MAKE YOU SAD... OR SOMETHING...?
There's no way Mizuhara feels loneliness. This is like a lame "I'm lonely" confession. Kazuya thought that he was the only one feeling loneliness and that Mizuhara didn't feel that at all. However, Mizuhara poured the liquor into his mouth in one gulp and said.
◆IT DOES. IT REALLY DOES! (252)
IT DOES. IT REALLY DOES!
Kazuya and Yaemori-san were surprised at her reply. They didn't expect a reply like, "YES, IT DOES".
◆SO？ (252)
SO?
Mizuhara is urging him to answer.
I WANT TO GET CLOSE TO HER.
I WANT TO BE BY HER SIDE.
I WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER WITH HER.
IT WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME THINK ALL THESE THINGS.
Kazuya is also really lonely and wants to be with Chizuru. If Chizuru wants, he would like to propose to live together with her. Will Kazuya be able to convey his true feelings?
So far I have been very clear that there is a 0% chance of them living together. This is because the reality that they are not in a relationship lies firmly between them, and as long as Kazuya thinks that Chizuru does not want to live together, such a talk will never happen.
But Chizuru clearly said, "I do feel lonely. Now that he knows how lonely Chizuru is, there is no longer any reason (obstacle) why Kazuya can't say he wants to live with her. Kazuya can tell Chizuru about his true desire to live together. That is how the situation turned out.
The story has moved quickly in the direction of them moving in together (Kazuya moving into a room at the Ichinose house). I don't expect that they will come to that conclusion immediately next week, nor do I expect that they will necessarily settle down in the form of "living together. Still, if Kazuya has realized how lonely Chizuru is, he would never do anything to make her sad.
Chizuru Realized that the Loneliness Was Unbearable
◆THE HELL IS THAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? (248)
On the way home from cleaning up her family's house with Kazuya, Chizuru talks to him about her ideal couple. Kazuya agrees with her like an idiot, and Chizuru bursts out laughing.
THRE IS NO PERFECT HUMAN BEINGS.
THERE WILL BE FIGHTS.
AND THERE WILL BE THINGS THE DON'T LIKE ABOUT EACH OTHER.
BUT... IF THEY CAN TURN AROUND AND LAUGH ABOUT IT 2 SECONDS LATER... THAT'S THE KIND OF MARRIAGE I'D LIKE TO HAVE.
Even when they have different values, two seconds later they are smiling together. They understand each other, share their thoughts, and live their lives with each other with care and consideration. Such an ideal of Chizuru's was there ([ch 248] When Chizuru Hid Her True Feelings...).
What Chizuru felt when cleaning out her family's house with Kazuya is surely no different from what he felt. It is not at all surprising even if Chizuru also feels that she would like to be a family with Kazuya someday and live with him.
However, because of the earthquake, Chizuru and Kazuya will have to live apart (Chapter 249). Chizuru acts as if she is fine, but it is natural for her to feel lonely now that it has happened. To her, Kazuya is the one and only special person.
For Chizuru, Kazuya is "the person who will make me happy for the rest of my life. What she felt through the making of the movie and Sayuri's death was who she wanted to be the person who supports her (Chizuru Mizuhara's Love Story: Someone who Will Truly Make Me Happy).
◆DID YOU HEAR? ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT HIS "PERFECT GIRLFRIEND"? (166)
BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD.
UP UNTIL THAT MOMENT, IFELT SO TERRIBLY ALONE...
IT FEEL LIKE I WOULD JUST CURL UP AND DIE.
BUT THEN I CRIED IN FRONT OF HIM... AND I FELT CLEANSED.
Chizuru must have realized exactly where to find a place that would accept her weakness and fill her loneliness that night. For Chizuru, Kazuya is the only person she can rely on, the only person she can show her weakness, even if only a little, and she loves him.
I love him so much, I want to be with him all the time.
Chizuru is acting as if she is not interested in Kazuya, and she always hides her love for him with logic, but she really wants him to be with her all the time.
After crying a lot in front of Kazuya, Chizuru recovers from the sadness of losing her family and regains her energy. Of course, having been able to cry and let out her grief was a great help, but perhaps it would be better to say that she was able to recover because she had someone by her side who supported her. Neither Katsuhito nor Sayuri are by Chizuru's side anymore, but now Kazuya is by her side. Kazuya accepts Chizuru, who is really vulnerable, and fills her loneliness. So she just did not feel lonely.
If she had to live apart from the only one person like that, there is no way she would not feel strong loneliness.
◆Chizuru acts like she is fine. (249)
Chizuru has to leave her apartment where she met and lived with the person she loves. She acts fine in front of Kazuya, but of course she really misses him.
◆Chizuru feels lonely to leave her apartment. (249)
On the way to her family's house, her chest tightens.
The family home where she has come home after a long time is filled with memories of the time spent there, loved by her grandpa and grandma. When she came home, Grandpa would say, "Welcome home," and if something happened to her, Grandma would call out to her. However, Grandpa and Grandma are no longer with Chizuru. All alone in a big room.
◆Chizuru alone in her family's house (250)
◆Chizuru spills tears (250)
Chizuru was so lonely that she shed tears again. Then, she unintentionally looks for the name "Kazuya Kinoshita" on the screen of her phone.
Chizuru herself may have understood the reason why she was able to recover from the grief of losing Grandma Sayuri was because she cried a lot in front of Kazuya. But that was not the case. As Grandma Nagomi says, no one can live alone (Chapter 91). Without a truly trustworthy person by your side, anyone would feel a strong sense of loneliness, and no one could bear it. The truth is that it is not that Chizuru's loneliness from losing her family has healed or that she has gotten used to it; she just did not feel lonely because Kazuya was with her.
Chizuru would have realized once again how much she needed Kazuya. She must have been filled with a desire to see him.
At that time, she got a message from Yaemori-san that Kazuya and she were having a drink together. Next to Kazuya, there was a place where Chizuru's heart could be filled, and having a drink with him was bound to make her happy.
◆COOL IF I COME? (251)
Chizuru decides to go to the bar. At this time, Chizuru may have made a decision.
Chizuru has not been able to tell Kazuya that she loves him, and she has not yet become his real girlfriend. If she had honestly told Kazuya when she left the apartment that she really missed him, they would have talked about moving in together or seeing each other regularly, but she acted as if she was fine. At this rate, she would rarely see Kazuya, and she would continue to feel lonely.
Also, Chizuru knows that she shouldn't continue the "under investigation" relationship with him. She knows that she has to move on for Kazuya's sake, who says he loves her, for Sayuri's sake, who wishes her happiness, and above all for the sake of her future with the person she loves ([ch 226] The Kiss to Become His Real Lover).
I love him and want to be with him all the time. That is Chizuru's true feelings. So what Chizuru has to do is honestly tell Kazuya that she misses him and create a situation where she can continue to see him.
When Chizuru arrives at the bar, she drinks at a high pace to make herself lose her calm.
◆D-DOES IT... MAKE YOU SAD... OR SOMETHING...? (252)
D-DOES IT... MAKE YOU SAD... OR SOMETHING...?
Chizuru is asked by Kazuya and takes a swig of alcohol. While sober she is too embarrassed to tell the truth.
◆Chizuru takes a swig of alcohol. (252)
◆IT DOES. IT REALLY DOES! (252)
IT DOES. IT REALLY DOES!
Chizuru makes it clear that she is lonely.
◆SO？ (252)
So, what's your point in the end?
If you have something to say, say it clearly.
As if to say so, Chizuru urges Kazuya to reply. She really wants Kazuya to say, "I want to live with you" or "I want to continue to see you. Since she can't say herself, "I want to live with you (or continue to see you) because I'm lonely," she tries to get Kazuya to say it. That kind of thing makes her an pain in the ass lol.
It would be more correct to say that Chizuru came to see Kazuya because she is lonely, but rather to get back the connection with him. When she reached the bar, it looks like she had already decided to tell him that she felt lonely. Right before Chizuru tells Kazuya that she is lonely, she takes a swig of alcohol. She couldn't be honest when she was sober, so she tried to reveal her true feelings with the help of alcohol (the same as in chapters around 170, the episode in Saizeriya). The fact that she intentionally acts that way means that when she came to the bar, she had already decided to tell Kazuya that she was lonely and wanted to see him in some way, and to create a situation where she could see him in the future.
Now that Chizuru has said that she is lonely, the story seems to be going in the direction of the two of them moving in together. However, "living together" is only a means to an end. Their main goal is to be together. Perhaps they will come to a different conclusion, such as making a promise to see each other on a regular basis.
I don't know how much Chizuru will be able to put her true feelings into words after this, but still, she was able to tell Kazuya that she feels lonely, so I would like to commend her for a job well done.
They Have to Keep It a Secret from Ruka
The two are now so busy trying to deal with the current situation where they will not be able to see each other that they are not thinking that far ahead, but Ruka is sure to be an obstacle.
They have started a private relationship without telling Ruka. Furthermore, they are on the verge of talking about living together. Whatever the conclusion, there is no doubt that their private relationship will deepen.
If Ruka were to find out about it, the two would be blamed for it. In particular, Chizuru has been telling Ruka that her relationship with Kazuya is that between a rental girlfriend and a client, and it couldn't become a real one. With those excuses, she has been allowed to have a rental relationship (false lover relationship) with Kazuya. And yet, if Ruka finds out that Chizuru has told Kazuya that she is "investigating" (thinking about becoming his real girlfriend) or that she is going to live with him, she will not be able to get away with it, no matter what her reasoning is. If they proceed with the idea of moving in together, both of them will naturally feel a sense of guilt toward Ruka and a sense of crisis when the secret becomes known. To use an analogy, Chizuru and Kazuya might feel as if they were having an "affair" behind Ruka's back.
Chizuru's deepening private relationship with Kazuya means that she has to take a big risk at the same time. There will come a time when Ruka will find out, so let's keep an eye on that as well. I mean, to be honest, I'm already nervous about it.
So, that was my review of Chapter 252. Many readers may not be interested in what happened in the past once the latest chapter is updated. However, Chizuru and Kazuya's lives have always been connected from the past to the present, and their feelings are also connected without interruption. Just because the story moves to Chapter 252 does not mean that the events that happened up to Chapter 251 have never happened, nor does it mean that their feelings suddenly change. There is a world that we can see only after we have sorted out what Kazuya and Chizuru are going through and what they are struggling with in the story so far. If you can read the latest chapter of Kanokari in that way, you will enjoy it much more.
See you in the next post!