[ch 248] How Does Chizuru Feel About Concealing Her True Feelings?
Hi, this is Korakuone. Are you enjoying Kanokari?
Recently, I have been writing articles about the live-action drama, and all I can think about is what I should write to make the drama audience, including the fans of Ryusei-kun who plays Kazuya, enjoy Kanokari more. The live-action drama is also very exciting, so I would like to encourage fans of the original manga to watch it as well.
The last few chapters have been the lovey-dovey times between Kazuya and Chizuru, and I'm feeling like "yeah, I know, I know, how much Chizuru loves Kazuya, yeah, I know, I know" lol.
◆WAIT. (248)
Chizuru almost kisses Kazuya and then stops him when he tries to get up, telling him to wait.
◆YOU'VE GOT A LEAF STUCK UP HERE. (248)
Chizuru says she has a leaf on her neck.
But actually it was an excuse (a lie) to cover up her true feelings. Chizuru stares at the empty palm of her hand.
◆WASN'T THAT PRETTY LAME... FOR AN EXCUSE? (248)
What was Chizuru really feeling at this time? What on earth was she trying to cover up?
To be honest, even I don't know exactly. It is because there is nothing that Chizuru thinks she has to do in this situation right now.
However, for Chizuru right now, Kazuya is someone she loves, someone who is always on her side, someone she trusts with all her heart, and the only person she can rely on. Considering that feeling, we can imagine her motive for wanting to do that action.
Relationship with Kazuya from Chizuru's point of view
Kazuya and Chizuru are not yet officially dating. From the reader's point of view, they would appear to be, at best, just two people in a good mood before getting together. However, from Chizuru's point of view, the relationship between Kazuya and her is not the same as that of the reader.
Before going to Hawaiians, Chizuru learned Kazuya's true feelings for her. Kazuya has always loved her (Chapter 174). It may be no exaggeration to say that from this moment on, Chizuru sees Kazuya as her real boyfriend.
Not only does Chizuru love Kazuya, but he also loves her (in other words, they love each other), and the Kinoshita family and friends think they have a genuine relationship. Furthermore, after she allows him to have a private relationship with her (Chapter 239), she can see him whenever she wants to without any special reason. It is almost the same as real lovers, except that Chizuru has not revealed her true feelings to Kazuya.
Of course, she cannot and does not ask Kazuya for sex, hugs, kisses, or other acts that are limited only between lovers (If she did, he would find out that she's in love with him and probably she thinks that she shouldn't do such things before they have an official relationship). Nevertheless, every time Chizuru sees Kazuya, she feels that they have feelings for each other, they spend happy times together, and she can believe in a future with him. So in those respects, it is equivalent to having a genuine lovers' relationship.
I love him, and he feels the same way.
We care for each other, we support each other.
I am sure we will be together forever.
There would be no one who does not feel that the person they feel this way about is their "lover.
Although Chizuru has not yet revealed that she loves Kazuya, she hopes that one day she will reveal her true feelings and become Kazuya's girlfriend. For the sake of Kazuya who says he loves her, for the sake of Grandma Sayuri who wished her happiness, and for the sake of her future with him, she cannot remain a fake girlfriend forever.
That was why she started to have private time with Kazuya. She invites him to the play, watches Youtube with him, chats with him on the Line app, asks him to clean up her parents' house, and spends time with him like a real boyfriend and girlfriend. Now Chizuru is probably full of happiness for the love that has begun. Every time she meets Kazuya, she feels embarrassed and excited, she feels he cares about her, and she finds herself thinking about him all the time, and her days are sparkling. I'm sure her life is like that now.
From Chizuru's point of view, her relationship with Kazuya is already "boyfriend and girlfriend". I guess she is very excited about their new relationship.
How Does Chizuru Feel About Concealing Her True Feelings?
Chizuru was really happy to find out that she and Kazuya, whom she has always loved, are in love (Chapter 174), and she is very happy with the private relationship that has begun. Well, they are so lovey-dovey that it is embarrassing to look at them from afar.
And for Chizuru now, Kazuya is someone she loves, someone who supports her, someone she trusts with all her heart, and the only person she can rely on. What Chizuru felt through the movie production and Sayuri's death is that she wants Kazuya to be the one who supports her. That is how Chizuru feels about Kazuya. Given that feeling, I can imagine how she felt compelled to act that way.
While Chizuru is looking at the family photo, an earthquake occurs. Surprised by the suddenness, Chizuru is on the verge of kissing Kazuya (Chapter 247).
◆WAIT. (248)
Kazuya immediately tries to get up, but Chizuru stops him, telling him to wait.
If you are a scared person, you can imagine Chizuru's feelings rather easily. It means that she was startled by the earthquake (or was scared of it) and unintentionally clung to Kazuya's arm.
For example, it is the same as when you are scared of a ghost set up in a haunted house and unconsciously grab your boyfriend's arm, or when you lose your footing on a high suspension bridge and unintentionally grab your boyfriend's arm. They are insecure, so they want to hold on to someone they trust. That is how much Chizuru trusts Kazuya.
Chizuru is a girl who is very bad at relying on someone. She doesn't want Kazuya to think that she relied on him because she was scared. That's why she said, "YOU'VE GOT A LEAF STUCK UP HERE," and misled him about her true feelings. Her real feeling was "I was so surprised by the earthquake that I grabbed his arm unexpectedly." If you think about it, it makes Chizuru who grabbed Kazuya's arm look kawaii.
Of course, there are several other possibilities. The moment their bodies were close to each other, Chizuru, like Kazuya, unintentionally might have wanted to hug him. There is no contradiction in Chizuru's feelings even if we interpret it that way. However, for now, I personally feel most comfortable with the idea that she grabbed his arm unintentionally because she was scared of the earthquake.
Chizuru's Family Image
Some readers have suggested that Chizuru does not date Kazuya because of her fear of men themselves or of getting into a deep relationship with anyone because of her father's absence. However, that is not the case. This is because she has few memories of spending time with her parents, and it was her grandfather and grandmother who nurtured her values. Sayuri and Katsuhito were always close and seemed really happy. This happiness firmly filled the loneliness of losing her parents, and Chizuru walked through a happy life. Considering that Chizuru was raised by a truly happy "couple," her image of husband and wife and family should be certain and very nice, not something uncertain and fragile.
◆THAT'S THE KIND OF MARRIAGE I'D LIKE TO HAVE. (248)
THRE IS NO PERFECT HUMAN BEINGS.
THERE WILL BE FIGHTS.
AND THERE WILL BE THINGS THE DON'T LIKE ABOUT EACH OTHER.
BUT... IF THEY CAN TURN AROUND AND LAUGH ABOUT IT 2 SECONDS LATER... THAT'S THE KIND OF MARRIAGE I'D LIKE TO HAVE.
Even Chizuru's grandpa (Katsuto) and grandma (Sayuri) did not have exactly the same values. Sometimes they even disagreed with each other. When Chizuru revealed her dream of becoming an actress, her grandpa was supportive, but her grandma was initially opposed (Chapter 146). Nevertheless, in the end, grandma supported Chizuru's dream, and both of them lived their lives together.
Her grandpa and grandma must be the ideal couple and ideal family for Chizuru. That is how Chizuru wishes to be with Kazuya.
◆I'LL MAKE THAT... MY IDEAL, TOO. AS OF NOW... THAT'S WHAT I WANT, TOO. (248)
Kazuya answers Chizuru's words straight up like an idiot. Chizuru can't help but burst out laughing.
◆THE HELL IS THAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? (248)
Even when they have different values, two seconds later they are smiling together. They understand each other, share their thoughts, and live their lives with each other with care and consideration. Such an ideal of Chizuru's was there. This is truly a 100-point answer as an ideal boyfriend. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. You're being too lovey-dovey. Get married soon.
Eviction from the Apartment
◆A fire? (248)
When they returned to their apartment in Nerima, they found it somewhat noisy. A fire engine rushed to the scene. Apparently, a small fire or something happened.
Since the situation has not been explained yet, I am not sure what kind of decision the two of them will make after this. There is too little information to make a judgment. However, it seems certain that they will not be able to return to the apartment they have been living in for a while at least.
I still don't know where Chizuru and Kazuya will take refuge. Some readers are hoping that this will be the beginning of a cohabitation between the two, or that they will move in with the Kinoshita family. However, things are not as simple as readers' wishes being immediately fulfilled.
Of course, both Chizuru and Kazuya want to live together. For example, if Grandma Nagomi told them that they should live at home together, they would both want to do so. However, they cannot make the decision so easily because of Ruka.
Right now they've started a private relationship, keeping it a secret from Ruka. But, although it is a trial, Kazuya's girlfriend is Ruka. Naturally, they feel a sense of guilt, and if it were to get out, they would be blamed even more than when they kissed at Hawaiians. So, it is natural that they would not feel comfortable living together without telling Ruka. If you think about it, there is no way that their conversation would go in the direction of living together. Thus, for now, I think it is natural for Chizuru and Kazuya to decide to live at their respective parents' homes.
However, if they were strongly persuaded by Grandma Nagomi, or if Kazuya strongly wished not to leave Chizuru alone, I do not know what the outcome would be. They may decide to live together, knowing the risk of being blamed by Ruka, in order to respond to Grandma Nagomi's feelings of care for Chizuru. Kazuya may bow down to Ruka and somehow try to get her to allow him to do so. Well, it will depend on how Miyajima-san wields the conductor's baton.
So, that's how I looked back on Chapter 248. If Chizuru and Kazuya were to move in together, I would be very nervous that Ruka would find out. At the same time, I am sure that Chizuru will be able to say her true feelings for Kazuya without denying her love for him, only to Grandma Nagomi, so I am hoping that her feelings for Kazuya will be portrayed in some small way.
Well, see you in the next post!