So I've come to a realization..I need to move out. I NEED to for the sake of my mental health because living with my parents for this long is surely beginning to raise my blood pressure and certainly isn't helping me manage my bipolar disorder
I absolutely needed a break from them this weekend and I didn't consciously realize how awful and on edge I feel around them until I went to my boyfriend's house. It's like the tightness in my chest finally disappated and my anxiety settled down and I could finally get motivated to get out of bed without it being like a chore. No dreading getting out of bed, no being reluctant to do things I normally struggle to do and no being scared of footsteps or feeling like chores and responsibilities were me being held captive to their obligations. Like I actually WANTED to do it, for MYSELF, NOT for them.
The peace and tranqulity I felt this weekend was a wake-up call to myself that I need to start getting my shit together and begin working my way out of this situation. It clicked even more with me tonight when my peaceful calm ended and the familiar feeling of dread and feeling on-edge/angry started again the SECOND I heard my mom's voice and footsteps. I... I don't even know what to say. I guess the body really DOES keep the score..
I can't believe how long I've been putting up with this shit. I can't believe my parents EXISTING around me is toxic to the point where I feel like I'm hypervigilant to being criticized and nagged about every fucking thing under the sun. I'm realizing that things such as being agitated and on-edge when hearing your parent exist in the house or feel extremely angry when they talk to you or tell you to do ANYTHING is completely abnormal..
I'm too scared to ask my boyfriend about these serious questions because I'm scared about the answer. I can't believe that this level of anxiety and anger is something I'm becoming ACCUSTOMED to now. This cannot be healthy. I cannot put up with this anymore. 
I think me living in my parents' house or being around them too often is actually worsening my bipolar disorder and getting in the way of me starting to function the way I need and want to. I need to find some kind of way to either manage my PTSD triggers from living there, or move out before my health insurance expires. Either way, there needs to be some kind of drastic decision making before I lose my shit again. I CANNOT let myself suffer to the point where I have another mental breakdown and punch a hole in the wall, and I WILL not let myself get to that point ever again.
I guess we can start by writing a plan down here.
