оо, как я давно не писала!
возможно, я обленилась. Во всяком случае, так я и считаю. Мне даже думать не хочется, и читаю я - скольжу взглядом по буквам.
Стыдно, и я не понимаю что делать.
I understand not so much, as usually w
we had time to take a photo and then we came back to university. sister to teach and me either
some days later we, with parents went to cafe and bought something for father. because recently he had celebrity: his birthday
we ordered everything different
and we dont... like me and sister didnt go with parents entire our life, so i feel quilty for it.
and with fight and arguement we went with them
i dont remember that happened in that day except, we went to garden with aunt and sister to take photos.
wonderful day in green
and air was so bright and clear
last two month i feel like im getting older, my mind is getting cold and indifferent, and maybe ignorant
but my behaviour and thoughts are staying as careless and light as i was a child
when we got a short break, we went to new cafe to try cakes.
i felt in love with it, but i didnt eat half, i couldnt finish and sister forced me to eat it all
how long time i spent for it
in reality the sky away was so dark and it seemed it will be strong rain.
and syringa is nearby and...
well i liked it
couple days later sister invited me to go for Museum night with her student
and we went!
мы стреляли из лука в мамонтов и доисорических животных, из арбалетов
кидали подковы на копыта Юлия,
ловили рыбок в тихом омуте
and we spent all evening in museum to find out the history of our region
later i ran away to aunt, because she did need a help to buy wallpapers
when i left my home in the morning i met this lovely cat
and last time i do love them for their laziness, i guess
that they enjoy of life in slow time
they arent in hurry
i just liked this small book with watercolours and thought that i would like to collect many books about art
sigh
we visited second lecture of great lecture about The Middle Ages
he described history of art, sculptures, buildings
and..even if his outfit was so simple and he wore sandals even, his speech was excellent.
and, i think, all of us got inspiration
i realize that i am falling down...even sink in troubles? stress? but i dont feel it, i feel i know nothing at all, i am in doubt.
I'm sure. i am confused so much, thats why i feel indifference, thats why i doubt in everything, in relationship, in my mind, in my thoughts, about people who around me.
if i always wrote here that it is difficult to talk with people, find new friends, now it seems like i cant talk with people at all!
it scaries me
when sister gave her thesis to print it we had time to walk around, we saw so many wonderful peonies
and cat
he walked around me but i couldnt touch him w
and even if i feel how it gets difficult to connect with people i try overcome it
so one my former student advised me to hang out
and we went to coffee where she told me about her life in Sri Lanka, about her fruits, even her boyfriend..
i..she started talk with me so close so suddenly and
and..i dont know how support it...
i appreciate it so much, but i feel some fear
i even went to cinema with russian girl
i proud of it and told it to her.
maybe it was my mistake..
my talk with her was so awkward, i was so shy with her but i tried to do all bext
and..after week i dont know how talk with her...
i opened National Geography and saw article about ancestors of birds
and what are dinosaurs living now
it's kinda romantic
she advised me write any my thought here
and it is difficult to
show my mind in words
just start to write.
at least, i think that i must run from past. and if people dont care of you, or dont mind. just leave them.
sure, i saw many times such words, but i got experience
and got pain
-kahara