Well, first and foremost. The election, The opposition team lost. And now our "elected"prime minister said some racist remarks that sprung the nation near a riot state, Where the malays would hate the chinese and the chinese would stand guard because if the chinese strikes back. Then it would be chaos. 1Malaysia is doomed. Actually we all are united. But we are united to fight against a corrupted government, but because there really are shallow Malaysians out there. Therefore they are ruffing out all the racial remarks against all of us.
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She went back to her hometown on the day before the election. I could say I am more relieved at her decision. That night I slept before 1am. That was great news because I couldn't sleep well nowadays.
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Sigh to tell you the truth. The 'Maturity.' post I really do meant it but sometimes its really difficult to live with a phone but yet the person you hope to chat with did not find you. And yeah sure. She is busy and chatting with me does not really bring her any benefit because I am not her nursing coursemates nor her boyfriend. She is not obliged to do so and I get that. But just that I would unknowingly stare at her whatsapp chatspace and just stare at it like a sad freak but yet I dunno how to start my conversations with her. Sometimes might as well just keep quiet and just let the day pass without talking to her.
Well I am okay at somepoints. Because we do talk every week. But recently she also refused to see me that often. Or rather she don't want to come to my house anymore. Maybe its because of me, or my sister, or my parents? I don't know for sure but she just don't want to see me anymore...
I can tell you. I did grow. From a boy who don't really care. To a man who solves problems. I'd believe there isn't a problem that I could not solve. And truth to be told, as independant as she is. She did depend on me to solve many problems for her before. And thats why I am Superman in her eyes.
I've became this person so that I could well.. be a service for her.
Because she is an independant girl who studies a subject which I can't really help much as well and she is quite proud at what she is doing. So I wanted to be a useful problem solver to help her to think and plan and solve problems that life threw at her when she dunno how to solve.
I dunno.
Sometimes I felt that she thinks I am stupid? A little bit slow? I not sure but when it comes on the subject on healthcare. The way she explains to me, I feel its like talking down to me. That I can't confirm.
Still despite this. I still want to be a useful person that hopefully one day she can look up to me for.
Because I still love her and I really hope that I would call her my wife someday.
Hmm. Still a long way to go I guess. But I am still improving myself.
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The reason why my title is called "Bone" is because. I dunno lah. Maybe is the loneliness that gets me or what. But sometimes I wish she would throw me a bone. Figuratively of course.
What I meant is. She knows I have no one to chat much to besides her.
She knows I'm hurting
She knows I still love her a lot
but can she just treats me with a lil slightly more love, more heart?
I know I might ask too much from this but sometimes I am desperate.
My heart felt cold ever since January about this year or so.
I need warmth given by her. Sometimes its the yearning of my heart but I dunno how to ask it from her.
Because she've gave all her warm and passions to her boyfriend and anyone else. Sometimes she forgot to spare some for me. I dunno.
Its true we went out alot. But can really sense that she treated me as a friend already. And the way she treat me is as a friend as well. Its fun but there is no warmth.
No hugs, Nothing more.
I could say I am rather a physical lover. Since emotionally its already impossible but little movements and quirks help me to feel her warmth but I just don't quite felt it anymore...
I can say I've never stop trying to provide her with that warm but maybe because I've always treated her that way. She's already gotten used to it.
Sometimes I would just imagine that if I ever stop treating her like this, Will I be colder than last time? or reversely, she would treat me with a little bit more warmth?
Just hope she would throw me a... Bone.
____________________________________
Sometimes I wish time would just go back. When everything is much simpler.
But am I the complex one who seeks simplicity or the world I live in is becoming more complex everyday?
I wish I have the answer to that question.
Because everything felt simpler when she is by my side.
___________________________________________________
She went back to her hometown on the day before the election. I could say I am more relieved at her decision. That night I slept before 1am. That was great news because I couldn't sleep well nowadays.
___________________________________________________
Sigh to tell you the truth. The 'Maturity.' post I really do meant it but sometimes its really difficult to live with a phone but yet the person you hope to chat with did not find you. And yeah sure. She is busy and chatting with me does not really bring her any benefit because I am not her nursing coursemates nor her boyfriend. She is not obliged to do so and I get that. But just that I would unknowingly stare at her whatsapp chatspace and just stare at it like a sad freak but yet I dunno how to start my conversations with her. Sometimes might as well just keep quiet and just let the day pass without talking to her.
Well I am okay at somepoints. Because we do talk every week. But recently she also refused to see me that often. Or rather she don't want to come to my house anymore. Maybe its because of me, or my sister, or my parents? I don't know for sure but she just don't want to see me anymore...
I can tell you. I did grow. From a boy who don't really care. To a man who solves problems. I'd believe there isn't a problem that I could not solve. And truth to be told, as independant as she is. She did depend on me to solve many problems for her before. And thats why I am Superman in her eyes.
I've became this person so that I could well.. be a service for her.
Because she is an independant girl who studies a subject which I can't really help much as well and she is quite proud at what she is doing. So I wanted to be a useful problem solver to help her to think and plan and solve problems that life threw at her when she dunno how to solve.
I dunno.
Sometimes I felt that she thinks I am stupid? A little bit slow? I not sure but when it comes on the subject on healthcare. The way she explains to me, I feel its like talking down to me. That I can't confirm.
Still despite this. I still want to be a useful person that hopefully one day she can look up to me for.
Because I still love her and I really hope that I would call her my wife someday.
Hmm. Still a long way to go I guess. But I am still improving myself.
_______________________________________
The reason why my title is called "Bone" is because. I dunno lah. Maybe is the loneliness that gets me or what. But sometimes I wish she would throw me a bone. Figuratively of course.
What I meant is. She knows I have no one to chat much to besides her.
She knows I'm hurting
She knows I still love her a lot
but can she just treats me with a lil slightly more love, more heart?
I know I might ask too much from this but sometimes I am desperate.
My heart felt cold ever since January about this year or so.
I need warmth given by her. Sometimes its the yearning of my heart but I dunno how to ask it from her.
Because she've gave all her warm and passions to her boyfriend and anyone else. Sometimes she forgot to spare some for me. I dunno.
Its true we went out alot. But can really sense that she treated me as a friend already. And the way she treat me is as a friend as well. Its fun but there is no warmth.
No hugs, Nothing more.
I could say I am rather a physical lover. Since emotionally its already impossible but little movements and quirks help me to feel her warmth but I just don't quite felt it anymore...
I can say I've never stop trying to provide her with that warm but maybe because I've always treated her that way. She's already gotten used to it.
Sometimes I would just imagine that if I ever stop treating her like this, Will I be colder than last time? or reversely, she would treat me with a little bit more warmth?
Just hope she would throw me a... Bone.
____________________________________
Sometimes I wish time would just go back. When everything is much simpler.
But am I the complex one who seeks simplicity or the world I live in is becoming more complex everyday?
I wish I have the answer to that question.
Because everything felt simpler when she is by my side.