Today

Today my family and I had thaifood.
We ordered tomyam.

And usually i dont take tomyam. (Because i cant take sour stuff) But just for tries, i took some.

And i shook like a wet dog. And some memories of me and her came back.

I remember the last time when we were together and we took tomyam. I shook as well. She would usually giggle and rub my tummy afterwards, with love-filled eyes, she stared into my eyes and into my tummy and said 'awww'

Even if its a little thing. But i missed it. I miss the little things we have.




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I hate my life

Recently been disappointed at everything.

I find myself dreaming a lot about her. Of how we were an item in the dreams but waking to reality is quite hard to bear.

And so I've been sleeping a lot longer than previous times and wakes up late.

Its harder and harder to call a mate for yamcha or to go someplace with me nowadays. And I've turned my leadership to some guy which I'm starting to regret it..

Family has been good. But I've been missing her and missing us.

Been to Melaka a few times to visit her. Even the hours is short when I meet her. But still felt worth it.
Last Saturday was awesome. We went out even as friends. I felt that we were like a couple. Its fun and beats every shit I've faced.

But sadly shes not my girlfriend anymore la.

Sure its just a status. But recent events made me felt its really impossible for us to be together.
Even she kept saying she don't want to. But I feel that she wants but shes afraid of our future together.

not because I will ill-treat her or what la. But just family problems. She don't wanna get more troubles and hate from my sister.

So. because of that Im pretty much down in the dumps. Just 24hrs ago. I got drunk because I've been depression-drinking. Getting bombed makes me happy just slightly. The hangover is shit but still.. Things were okay. Just recently been emo about it again.

I just hope now that my sis and her would patch up. My sis said shes not gonna post anything about her anymore but I can't know for sure. I dunno can I trust her or not. Right now I just hope that her relationship with evy patches up lah.

Its very depressing and actually will make you lose your mind when you're in the middle between the sister and the one.

I love her very much. And I hope we have a future together.

Please god. Don't be too cruel to me. I will treat her better. Can I have her back in the future?

up-date

Hello blog. Long time no update.
Reason why is because im not really that sad already..
Plus. I dun wanna express much because this blog is quite open to a person..

Yeah. Recently. I turned 21. The adult life..
Feels really different from what ive imagined. Even if she went to my party. But our status is different from last year.

Right now things are better between us.
Its true i still love her deeply. Still care for her like nothings changed.
But this time i have no intentions of getting her back... Well at least at this time... Its hard to surpress myself not to hug her everytime or kiss her or tell her i love you everytime..

But so far so good la. Did not kiss her already.
I keep telling myself. She already have a boyfriend. Its not fair for him. And yeah i be the better man.

I will fulfill my promise of not be too far away from her. But still when we meet i will not stay too close to her.

After the party. She told me she misses us. Our past, the feel of it. That makes me sense that she loves me but something stops her from being with me. I know how that feels actually. Right now.

The guy is a good guy. Even if he came or barge in at a wrong time. But nevermind then.

But me. I still really hope that nxt time i can be with her. So i can love her with no boundaries.
I love her deeply than before. But right now i cant do anything. And i wont.

Let it be like this and im happy for now.

She is happy and if i can make her happy. Im happy as well. No matter boyfriend or not boyfriend.


Loving her has been a part of me.

The lampost that she banged her head on while walking. Hahahaha still laughing when i see this.
I went to melaka impromtu-ly to visit her while she is off for posting. Its not bad. Another memory.



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