too pale

doctor said im anemic. and my blood energy is too low..

no wonder im pale and feels too tired..
no wonder i feel like collapsing...

doctor shared that low blood pressure is more dangerous than high blood pressure...
for there are no medications for low blood pressure.
doctor advised to start treatment now...
more so he advised to see an OB GYNE

thought so.............

me and my little insecurities.

what do you feel when someone is prettier, sexier, richer and luckier than you are?..
dont you feel a bit insecure?.. cause I do...

i guess its a normal thing.
comparing yourself might not be healthy but its normal

i dont know what im saying haha


on the other hand though it serves as my motivation haha
especially now ive been eating a lot, I want to lose weight

...

been going out a lot lately..

im too sleepy now :((

blessed

im not used with myself acting like this..
is there an angel who possessed me haha

im feeling grateful and happy.
blessings keep on coming.
i also want to share my happiness with people...

this day is full of blessings.
i passed the employment exam on my dream company.
i got my allowance
i saw my friend
i saw my former superiors
i got a free Starbucks drink and snack.

im grateful that I have a strong cognitive ability.
im grateful for my confidence and self-esteem
im grateful that I took up psychology
im grateful that my mom is so happy seeing me maturing
im grateful that my parents are excited about my employment
im grateful to have sweet superiors who trained me really well
im just grateful for everything.....

im so blessed..

now i realize why have I not seen these gifts before?
why i wasnt able to appreciate life?
ive been so pessimistic.. i almost lost my mind hahaha
look at me now.. maybe i havent fully changed but im on my way there...
its really different when you practice "flow"..
its really different when you become optimistic..
its really different when you pray :)))

im so happy that i can kiss everyone!!! :))))))))))))))))))
im so close to my dreaaaaaaaaamssssssssss

my prayer

http://light-a-candle.org/

i pray for those people who suffer from depression..
may they find light again and may they believe in themselves again
may their psychiatrists and psychologists find more optimism in helping them
may their families support them
may their friends be there for them..
may their loved ones understand them more...

i pray for them. especially my ex-client in clinical setting..
may his recovery continue :)


i pray for my family..
my mom to stop getting angry all the time.
may she find happiness in her life.
may she save more money.
may she stop being pessimistic.

my dad to stop drinking...
and be more responsible

my sister to be happily married

my brother to find real friends and people who would really support him

i pray for my friends.. i pray for their happiness and health..
may those friends i lost be in good hands... i miss them..

i pray for my best friend jen who needs a part time job..
i pray that she will be hired immediately

i pray for mt best friend abi, to have more sleeping time :))

i pray for my dearest friend kendra to find OJT position easily
for her to be happy with her loved one all the time
and for her to remain nice and lovable

i pray for my friend tin to have more sleeping time as well :))

i pray for my superior. sir M.. may he be able to save more for his future family..
may he stay happy with his gf (soon wife).. may he hire good applicants all the time

of course i pray for myself.. to be hired on a company with competitive salary.
i know ive been hired already... but im waiting for the 2 companies.. may they call me before next wk..
i also pray for the continues love i have in my heart now.. i pray for it to stay forever :)
as always im asking for strength and support. :)

---

hi

im doing well..

kimi ni aitakute
ja mata!

prayer

sometimes it amazes me how people pray even for those little things...
before i laughed at them.. but now it just makes me smile...

confession:

im an agnostic.. ive been like these for a number of years already..
iam realistic, i always seek proof, I need clear answers, im logical, i ask too much, i weigh everything...
for me its all bout ACTIONS.. that nothing can help you but yourself..
but recently life has been hitting me with storms...
one day i found myself crying and praying...

Who am i to judge? who are we to judge?
though i always know why people pray and why people believe in God
i never believed on anything... not God, not love...

but im done.. my life has been so empty..
i dont want to ask anymore, i dont want to be too logical on everything...
i just want to believe...

maybe this is the way for me to believe...
for maybe God knows what is the greatest problem that would make me pray

i thank Lord for the challenges... now i stopped being judgmental.. i became understanding and less cynical.. :)
though im still having pain,, im still lonely... i'll continue praying :)

hopefully i will find my way to him..
and believe completely..

im on my way there

:)

has finally gotten my head STRAIGHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

told yah I get bored easily

Prolly in the next few months little by little i will forget the small details of most lessons I learned in Psychology.. like the terms in clinical and abnormal psy (motivation, educ etc)... so i decided to watch psy films once in a while, and read articles about psychology.. i mean come on.. my long term goal is really to be a clinical psychologist
i will never give up that goal... :D i might land on industrial or educ setting but my passion is still to get a doctoral degree in clinical psychology..

im on my way there.. ^_^

--

a lot of realizations came to me recently.. yes most of it are LIFE LESSONS..

i will quote something from a movie ive seen this day

"
The universe will expand, and it will collapse back on itself, then will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. What you don’t know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again, and again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have."

and i guess.. this is the time for me to get everything right again :)
i love life! i thank the challenges ive experienced..
life indeed still remain as a very effective therapist :)

and im so excited to start a new chapter in my life...

to work finally, to meet people, to travel, to learn, to love, to care, to improve myself, to inspire, to stay motivated, to forgive, to move on... to laugh more.. to smile more.. to love more.. to trust more.. to be brave..
to fulfill my goals.. to build a destiny...



-------------

would you want to be in this chapter? :)

picasso

Never permit a dichotomy to rule your life, a dichotomy in which you hate what you do so you can have pleasure in your spare time. Look for a situation in which your work will give you as much happiness as your spare time.

my biggest trap

im lazy to find a job

I prefer to sleep all day

is not motivated to be productive..

surely this is my biggest trap! :))))

i have tons of invites but i always find reasons not to attend...

maybe because I just got back home? maybe because my mind is full of thoughts?
maybe because i think i can easily find a job? hahahahaha maybe because i still have money? :))

am i dreaming too much?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe.. haha

but i know this is only temporary.. i just missed my bed so much!!!
ojt was really tough!! :D

but on the other hand life at home is also boring...
knowing myself surely i'll be productive in few days :)))

P.S - i had my heart broken a month ago?
maybe a precipitating factor.. its just so empty.. empty without that person ... however though, im coping up pretty well .. but without him I realized that genuine love is something I want to be into.. all of a sudden it becomes my goal..