How can I just let it slipped away.....(_ _。)
Since that terrible headache... Every time I work I had this sudden shock or flash of the monitor.. It's like I had black outs... but when I am not working or watching TV I am completely fine.. So I made a conclusion that my eyes are getting worst... I need these to be re-examine... but it will take a while before I go to the specialist maybe next month 'coz I need money for my sister's up coming graduation... After 5 years of working for her education I can finally be free and I am so happy for that day to come... not only it's the day of my freedom but also the day where my greatest accomplishment to be in place... o(^▽^)o
So for now I'm wearing sunglasses... yes sunglasses... funny right demo it will help my eyes to soothe a bit while I work on the PC... Now when I'm working... After 2 or 3 hours I will rest my eyes for a while then go to work again... but last night before eating lunch.. I said to myself that I should take a nap just for a while... I set my alarm after an hour... in the middle of my sleep.. I felt a sudden urge to pee.. so I got up and went to the toilet... I checked on my watch and saw it's already 3 AM!!!!!!!! I slept for about 8 hours... OMG... my work!!!
Good thing... I can catch up.... whew... that was close... I checked on my mail... no work that's pending... Yokatta!!! :*:・(￣∀￣)・:*:
Then I checked on my phone... saw text messages from my friend Shinta, quotes from RJ and a massage from Jason??!!! WTF?? I read Jason's massage and read that he had a celebration last night since it was his birthday and he asked me to come........Oh my God!!!!!! How can I be such an idiot to sleep that much!!!!!!!!!!!! That was my chance to see him again... a chance to talk to him again... I like that guy so much but I don't have the guts to talk to him casually... now that one chance was.......... GONE.... I hate myself today for letting it slipped away... now I don't know what to text him...... (＞_＜)
So for now I'm wearing sunglasses... yes sunglasses... funny right demo it will help my eyes to soothe a bit while I work on the PC... Now when I'm working... After 2 or 3 hours I will rest my eyes for a while then go to work again... but last night before eating lunch.. I said to myself that I should take a nap just for a while... I set my alarm after an hour... in the middle of my sleep.. I felt a sudden urge to pee.. so I got up and went to the toilet... I checked on my watch and saw it's already 3 AM!!!!!!!! I slept for about 8 hours... OMG... my work!!!
Good thing... I can catch up.... whew... that was close... I checked on my mail... no work that's pending... Yokatta!!! :*:・(￣∀￣)・:*:
Then I checked on my phone... saw text messages from my friend Shinta, quotes from RJ and a massage from Jason??!!! WTF?? I read Jason's massage and read that he had a celebration last night since it was his birthday and he asked me to come........Oh my God!!!!!! How can I be such an idiot to sleep that much!!!!!!!!!!!! That was my chance to see him again... a chance to talk to him again... I like that guy so much but I don't have the guts to talk to him casually... now that one chance was.......... GONE.... I hate myself today for letting it slipped away... now I don't know what to text him...... (＞_＜)
My head is going to blow!!! ヾ(｡｀Д´｡)ﾉ
I was waiting for this Sunday to come so I can relax for a while... I work myself up to Saturday so I can really be free this Sunday...... DEMO ne!!!! Just when I thought that I can sleep peacefully on my bed.... my bed that was soooooo calling me every single night... seducing me to crawl over it and lay my tired body.... My pillows are already waiting to be hugged and squeezed... I was sleeping already when I feel the earth is rumbling.... I thought it was just my headache which I can now feel the beating of the vein in my forehead since I lay my face on my pillow so I can feel that right??? Demo the thumping is getting harder and louder... making the floor rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's like.... digidigidigi~~~~~~~ then stops then another digidigidigi~~~~~~~ The FUCK what the hell is going on... I was so pissed off, I got up and went to the window and saw someone digging in front of my house... and using a fucking JACK HAMMER... the man greeted me "GOOD MORNING"... I smiled at him... well if you can call that I smile... Then I go back in my house... What the hell did he say?? Good morning?? what the hell is good in this fucking noisy morning??!!! God, I swear if killing is not a sin I can kill the guy using that fucking jack hammer!!!!!!!!!
(￣へ ￣ 凸
I drunk some cold water but my head is still aching... I am in real pain... My head is spinning.. I lack sleep so bad but I can't sleep... not in this kind of condition... I turn on my player and started to play Korn!!!!! I rather her that kind of music than to bleed my ear listing to all those rumbling shit!!
ヾ(▼ﾍ▼；)
Damn it is still not helping at all... don't want to take another med... it's like I don't want to be dependent on that... so I got myself some spaghetti that I made last night and a bottle of beer........ yes it's still early but I just can't stand that FUCKING noise....... I just finish eating it and I end up drinking 2 bottles.. before I started to post into this blog.... I just hope that it works... gome ne minna for making you hear about my rants......... I just can't get myself from cursing that FUCKING JACK HAMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
゛(｀ヘ´#)
(￣へ ￣ 凸
I drunk some cold water but my head is still aching... I am in real pain... My head is spinning.. I lack sleep so bad but I can't sleep... not in this kind of condition... I turn on my player and started to play Korn!!!!! I rather her that kind of music than to bleed my ear listing to all those rumbling shit!!
ヾ(▼ﾍ▼；)
Damn it is still not helping at all... don't want to take another med... it's like I don't want to be dependent on that... so I got myself some spaghetti that I made last night and a bottle of beer........ yes it's still early but I just can't stand that FUCKING noise....... I just finish eating it and I end up drinking 2 bottles.. before I started to post into this blog.... I just hope that it works... gome ne minna for making you hear about my rants......... I just can't get myself from cursing that FUCKING JACK HAMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
゛(｀ヘ´#)
The Unexpected Request! (_ _。)
I didn't post yesterday coz my work was consuming me yesterday... There are still a lot to be done... I need to finish it ASAP... I was so into it that I didn't notice that I am awake and working for almost 22 hrs... when I finished it I was so exhausted that I didn't had the time to change into my PJs and just lay straight to my bed... then this morning... As I woke up my head was spinning... I was so nauseous... I was in panic.. I didn't know what to do since I don't want to be confined again... so I called my friend who was a nurse... She came at my apartment and she took my BP she said it was normal.. But there's something that she was curious... why is it that my BP is normal while I look so thin compare the last time we saw each other and I look terribly pale... OMG I should have known that she will notice... And I don't want her to know what is really happening to me... So I simply reply that I haven't gone out to have the sun on me... Giving her the benefit of the doubt she agreed...She left while giving me some prescription for my anemia.. she gave me ferrousulfate and advised me not to take any caffeine while I am medicating myself...Waaaaaaaa.......I am a coffee addict and I can't live a day without... how can I take that meds...｡ﾟ(T^T)ﾟ｡
besides I have a handful and it will just add up to those... everyday it's like eating candies which is neither sweet nor sour it's just plain blunt...(＞_＜)
Gome ne Rhea demo I can't take the meds you have given me... I might as well rest for today since I finished all my work yesterday....(｀ε´)
Then when I was killing my time while watching DVD's my High school classmate called me up and inform me that we will have a reunion this coming April... I was happy and afraid coz I will see all my high school friends but I was afraid that they may notice a big change about me... So I must make them not to notice those changes by being me like before... then my former classmate said that I was requested to perform and sing with my band like we used to... GOD waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
It's like ages I haven't perform on stage and to think familiar faces will be watching me... and to top of it all the former drummer of our band was my EX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can I face him after our break up... It was not a nice break up coz I caught him cheating with another girl!!!! (x_x；)
After we broke up I never really trusted men... I mean I can be friends with them but I never give in into any other relationship... In short I never fell in love again like the first one.. I have been in a relationship after him demo it still different unlike the first... My classmate just said that she'll be waiting and hope that I can be there.... then she hung up! DAMN what will I do... I want to go but I don't want to see him..... Waaaaaaaaaaaa............ Is there any one who can advice me??? Please?? Onegai!!!! 。・ﾟﾟ･(≧д≦)･ﾟﾟ･｡
besides I have a handful and it will just add up to those... everyday it's like eating candies which is neither sweet nor sour it's just plain blunt...(＞_＜)
Gome ne Rhea demo I can't take the meds you have given me... I might as well rest for today since I finished all my work yesterday....(｀ε´)
Then when I was killing my time while watching DVD's my High school classmate called me up and inform me that we will have a reunion this coming April... I was happy and afraid coz I will see all my high school friends but I was afraid that they may notice a big change about me... So I must make them not to notice those changes by being me like before... then my former classmate said that I was requested to perform and sing with my band like we used to... GOD waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
It's like ages I haven't perform on stage and to think familiar faces will be watching me... and to top of it all the former drummer of our band was my EX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can I face him after our break up... It was not a nice break up coz I caught him cheating with another girl!!!! (x_x；)
After we broke up I never really trusted men... I mean I can be friends with them but I never give in into any other relationship... In short I never fell in love again like the first one.. I have been in a relationship after him demo it still different unlike the first... My classmate just said that she'll be waiting and hope that I can be there.... then she hung up! DAMN what will I do... I want to go but I don't want to see him..... Waaaaaaaaaaaa............ Is there any one who can advice me??? Please?? Onegai!!!! 。・ﾟﾟ･(≧д≦)･ﾟﾟ･｡
I am still mourning for him ・°・(ノД｀)・°・
In my younger years I was influenced by my brother since our age gap is close. From how I dress to what I listen to. Demo when we were kids we are not that close.. it's just that we have the same liking that's all. So when I was growing up I always wore jeans, sneakers with just a plain white or black top... nothing more and nothing less... Demo ne... Atashi no Aniki's greatest influence was music.. He opened my ears from heavy rocking metal music... And that's the time I have known PANTERA the very first metal band which I loved so much before Korn. I love how their songs made me free in a way I was taken out from my shell. Before my friends said that when I listen to them on my earphone you will never have the chance to be noticed by me...I am completely sunk into their music.. I love that band so much.. Philip Anselmo (vox), Dime Bag Darell Abbott (gt), Rex (Ba) Vinnie Paul Abbott (dr)... I just not only like their music... I also like how Dimebag plays his guitar... making them the first one to do extreme metal.. he was the propeller of the band together with Philips very intimidating voice.But all good things happen to an end... In year 2001 the band disbanded and they moved on to two different bands.. the Abbott bros (dimebag and vinnie) created a new band and so as the two Philip and Rex.. They disbanded because Philip was into heroin addiction which made him incapable as the vox of PANTERA. The Abbott bros. and Philip started to have bad feeling to each other... it was so sad for me to hear that news... on the 24th death anniversary of John Lennon which was on Dec 8 2004... DIMEBAG DARELL ABBOTT got shot at the back 5 times while performing on stage with his older bro. Vinnie..Those are just what I know from the articles that I read.. (_ _。)
But earlier this morning my brother came into my apartment and gave me a DVD, he said that I should watch it. So when he left.. I watched it... It was the DVD of VH1 Behind the Music of PANTERA.. My eyes were fixed at the TV.. I couldn't take it off.. I heard Philip's side, the Abbott's and even the staff and managers.. DImebag really likes alcohol but he never did drugs just to make his pain go away unlike Philip who took heroin for his back pain.. Philip was greatly sorry for all he had done to PANTERA but still the pain that he gave to the Abbotts can't be forgotten just like that.. and as I watched further to the part were they all tell how Dimebag was killed they were all crying.. even guys who looks like goons they cried and even me.. I saw how the fans mourn for him even Eddie Van Helen who gave his guitar onto Darell's grave.. Vinnie said that at that time when he saw his brother got murdered he just didn't know what to do... he just said:
But earlier this morning my brother came into my apartment and gave me a DVD, he said that I should watch it. So when he left.. I watched it... It was the DVD of VH1 Behind the Music of PANTERA.. My eyes were fixed at the TV.. I couldn't take it off.. I heard Philip's side, the Abbott's and even the staff and managers.. DImebag really likes alcohol but he never did drugs just to make his pain go away unlike Philip who took heroin for his back pain.. Philip was greatly sorry for all he had done to PANTERA but still the pain that he gave to the Abbotts can't be forgotten just like that.. and as I watched further to the part were they all tell how Dimebag was killed they were all crying.. even guys who looks like goons they cried and even me.. I saw how the fans mourn for him even Eddie Van Helen who gave his guitar onto Darell's grave.. Vinnie said that at that time when he saw his brother got murdered he just didn't know what to do... he just said:
"I just saw my brother got shot at the back 5 times"
When I heard those words it's like a piercing pain that has struck my chest.. I can feel the pain.. DIMEBAG DARELL ABBOTT will forever be my childhood hero.. and I will tell his life to my future kids.. and that's how he will live on in my heart... （Ｔ＿Ｔ）My Happiness??? O.oa
Today I'm working my ass......... there are so many pending work that has to be done... (｡＞0＜｡)
I was confined so I didn't have the time to do it......... huhuhuhu.... but it was too many.... (_ _。)
While I was working I saw Jazel onlined... I buzzed her up and asked her about her flight....
She said that when she stopped by at Nagoya, she texted me because she remembered me...
Waaaaaaaa... I know and I envied you for having dinner there.........................。・ﾟﾟ･(≧д≦)･ﾟﾟ･｡
Then she asked me about when am I going to migrate to some country... I told her that in time, I'll be going too but not right now... There are still many things that I needed to do which needs to be settled first... Well I can't tell her that my number one concern is my health... gome ne (x_x；)
And she told me that, it's up to me if I want to go with her in the US or follow my dreams and will go to different Asian countries... She knows that I really love traveling...Before I traveled from here to Jeddah but now I can't..Since I started to work I got a lot of responsibilities that I can't just abandon.... I love my work that's why I must keep it...
Then Jazel said "I just wish for your own happiness...." waaaaaaaaaa.......... I really love my friend...(Ｔ▽Ｔ;)
Demo... when she said that I started to think what is my real
HAPPINESS??? Nani ga na? Mmm.....
Well as long as I'm living and I can see the new day without worries is my happiness..... It's very simple ne? Yes of course I want to get married and have a family and kids demo... Just right now I just wanted to have worry-free days that will motivate me to do new things and explore in new heights........ I just wanted to smile genuinely with an ease heart and a body without pain... that's what I want.. That's my happiness (^_^)