Maimai

We went to Kona to have lunch yesterday. And then went to Zapada to have a cup of coffee. We talked about violence. I think the guy's words are as good as violence. I really hate that. He has no idea how I feel all the time. I know I should leave him, no point to staying with him. But I don't know why I still want to staying with him. I am a very typical woman who is staying with a big jerk. I know that in my head, but my heart is a bit different, still wants to believe in him. Damn it! I wish I didn't like him. I am tired about myself. Sorry Mai, I talked about him a little bit too much and I was a bit emotional. Thanks for listened to me. I look forward to going to Shizunami girls contest with you next month! 

Change

I've been thinking about Kaito and I a lot every single day. I think he changed a lot to me after the trip to Philippines. We talked a lot over the phone after my work almost every night before, because he waited for me to finish work, but now he doesn't wait it. I miss talking with him after work. We hug and kissed each other before sleep when we sleep together, but now we just sleep next to each other, even he refuse me to touch him. I'm not sure if I am his girlfriend, but kind of it. So I have a question, if he doesn't like me anymore, why does he still hang out with me? I mean, we don't contact much at the moment, but still contact each other more than just a friend. Why? I really want to ask him about it, but at the same time I'm very scared to hear the answer from him. I'm trying to stay positive. Trying to not doubt him. Like.. he is totaly fine to stay with me doing nothing. He is enjoying! Otherwise no point to staying with me, right? I know I was selfish, I didn't care about his feelings before. I shouldn't want him to change for me. I have to change myself if I want it. 

Day off part2

Kaito and I went to Sagara beach to get suntan today. He seemed really tired and what he say is always negative to me. I am getting tired to be with him too, I don't know why I like him this much. Am I crazy or something?