5/17/13

Morning

There was a war in my mind. A war bet ween myself and myself.

It was difficult for the optimistic self to win over pessimistic self.

I thought I needed a time alone.

I grabbed the chair and went away from my talkative co-members.

Outside the building, on the ground, I placed the chair and sat.

Still, there was a war in my mind.

I wanted to sleep.

My teammate from the building shouted at me "Nice style, Ding!"

ふふ w

Then, a man passed by and stopped and asked me if I was okay and did I have any problem.

That was my cool teacher.

"Marianne? Are u okay? do u have a problem?"

I smiled and answered "nothing".

And he replied as he walked away from me.
"hmm okay. if you wanna continue, go on"

↑ I'm not sure if this was what he said. I wasn't able to listen well. w

If this is what he said, I don't understand what he meant.

Anyway, him calling me "Marianne" sounds unusual to me. Coz he would usually call me "Freya".

Now I realize I was very narrow minded early in the morning.

My boss in the car talking about do we (me and my ばか enemy) still plan to continue doing our childish ways even if he's already dead...

Good thing I didn't say anything.

not saying anything = no noise, no argument

③ 4/23/13

I had 2 people with me. Angry classmate and my classmate whom we call "bulldog".
We were blindfolded. So we could not see anything.

When we went out, we were separated.

It was different from what I have thought.
I thought the challenge would be taken by group.
But it would actually be by individual.

At that evening, the first order that was given to me was to swallow the worm.
They ordered me to cover my nose before the worm enters my mouth.
But I covered my nose and mouth.
They laughed at me. They said I couldn't follow simple instruction. lol

Then, with my nose being covered, I ate the worm.

When my nose wasn't covered, I was able to know the taste of this worm.

It's sweet. I could know that it wasn't a worm.

 


The next order that was given to me was to lie down and crawl.

I laid down and crawled as they shouted "left! right!". I was like a snake lol

While I was crawling, I got wet because of the ground that has some water.
I also bumped into some things.

After that, I was ordered to hold the FROG

I thought it wasn't a real frog since what they placed in my mouth wasn't real worm but a jelly worm.

When I touched it, I hesitated to hold it.
"HOLY MOLY! It's a real frog!!", I thought.

I realized it was a real frog.

 

I uttered "sh*t" when I realized it was real.

I heard them laughing.
Others said that my reaction was like a person who got electric shock.

I don't like brown frogs. It's disgusting to hold it.

It took me a minute or 2 to decide to hold it. One of the facilitators said that if I wanted to continue, I should be able to hold frog.

I opened my palm.
And allowed the frog to be placed on my palm.
Slowly, I closed my hand.

"Don't squeeze it!" they said.

It's disgusting. Holding the live frog was disgusting. It moved. yuck.

Next, they ordered me to wet my hand with SALIVA.

I did. And they ordered me to smell it. But it didn't smell like saliva to me. But it was sticky like real saliva. Then, they ordered me to spread it on my cheeks. Yuck

I believed it was real. But actually,
 it was just like this ↓







After that, I smelt my hands very well trying to figure out what's this thing.

And the last order but not the least was to throw myself onto the ground.

They told me to do like this:

 

and not to bend my leg or else I would injure myself once I do it.
They said the ground has many logs, sharp objects, coca cola's case.
So I better not bend my leg, they said.
They jokingly said that I just have to trust my guardian angel which is the なかなかエロいJoker commandant and then I will be safe.

And I gestured like this:
 

I told him "Okay. U said that."

This means I'm trusting him.

I didn't hear any reply from him.

I just heard laughs and giggles from everyone who watched me.

Then, that commandant push me a little bit.

And then...

I landed not on the ground.
But on a smooth surface. It was a bed.
The cloth I used to blindfold got untied when I landed.
I saw smiling faces from many people.
I heard one of them saying "Now that's a real officer" and then they started to clap for me.
Some of them also said congratulations to me for passing the challenge.

One of them asked me how was it.

and my answer for that was this:

 

Thumbs up.

━─━─━─━─━─ ━─━─━─━─━─ 

Then, I went to check if those things were real.
The worm wasn't real as I have thought.
But the frog was really real.
The saliva wasn't real. It was just egg yolks being mixed.

Generally, I say that I was deceived. haha
I felt my heart kinda beated above normal while performing their orders.
It's not easy to predict what it is since I was blindfolded.

The next day, the people who'd become officers would be announced.

To be continued. 

Nice things I did in May

May 2012
 
 
  この景色は私のおばあちゃんの故郷からです。
This scenery is from my grandmother's hometown.

去年の５月私が彼女の故郷に行きました。
I went to her hometown last year's May.


最近、because of this and that 彼女の場所に行きました。

umm how to say "because of this and that" in Japanese?


ばあちゃんの故郷に、あるきれいなところ去年私が見なかった。
There were places in my grandmother's hometown I haven't seen last year.

たとえばこの湖　↓

 
According to what I have researched,
この湖は８のShapeに似ているんだって。

この湖は地震で形成されたんだって。
This lake is said to be formed by an earthquake.

  
  
  


下から上がった。
From below we went up.


  
うえから湖の眺めです。
This is the view of the lake from the top.
 


 
 
そこではツリーハウスです。
There is treehouse.

ツリーハウスに入りたかったんですけど、だめです。
We wanted to enter the treehouse, but it was pointless.

そのツリーハウスのなかにはだれもいないです。
Nobody is in the treehouse.

お化けさんもがいないと感じます。
I also feel there're no ghosts there.

だってそんなこと考えなかったんです。ｗ
Because I wasn't thinking about that thing.

  


 
 これらは貝殻です。
These are seashells.

この女の子はこのブログの所有者です。
This girl is the owner of this blog.
 
彼女は右手に何かを持っています。
She is holding something in her right hand. 


この木 はあなたたちに怖いに見えますか？
Does this tree look scary to you?
 
まー
Well,

私には怖いに見えません。 くっくっ
For me it doesn't look scary.


見てくださいこれ↓
Please look at this.



はい、これはスイカです。
Yes, this is a watermelon.

 

スイカのなかにはダメージです。
The inside part of the watermelon has been damaged.

日本のスイカはいくらですか？
How much is the price of 1 piece of watermelon in Japan?

私の場所にはスイカの値段は安いとおもいます。
In my country, I think the price of the watermelon is cheap.

２００円くらいだけです。
It's only about 2 hundred yen.

Colors ← probably the key to finish this thesis

There's this thesis I'm working on. It's part of the subject in school.

I didn't actually understand what I was making.
I didn't get its flow. I must have master the information written on it.
But no matter how much I try to, I still don't get it. There's a problem, I think.

I'd always been reliant to the subject teacher's advices, suggestions.
I followed those. But I don't understand it.

It is important to master what I researched about so that I can defend it well in the future. Answering questions from the teachers and explaining blah blah.

There are very less information found about it on the internet. So I must have to find theories related to it. Identifying whether it is related to my thesis or not was difficult for me.

I need information about it that I fully understand.

Before summer vacation started, I asked my teacher if I could bring it to home so that I can continue working on it (I wanted to have less things to do once school days start. less things to do means less worries for me and so that I can sleep comfortable at night).

1 month of summer vacation had passed.

I didn't do anything to help progress my understanding of my thesis within that month.

But...

Now there's this word that came across my mind.

"Colors"

Oh I remember it has also meanings. It defines the personality of a person. Knowing what kind of person is, I can also know what motivates them by researching.

Since my thesis is about motivation and this is related to psychology, I'm gonna use colors です。Colors can be determinant of human behavior and thus, motivationです。

I'm gonna research more about it tomorrow. I'm very eager to do it! I want to finish it and pass it earlier to the teacher!!!!!!!!

I hope I can finish this and once I'm finished I will sleep comfortably with or without rain !!!!!!!!!!!!

Hell yeah!!!!!!!!


iPhoneからの投稿

Good Bye, Youtube Account

Days ago, my youtube account has been deleted.

Albertへ

>Oh, really?? why??

Yes, really.

I was thinking to delete many of my accounts on the internet including my other google account
because I realized I shouldn't expose my bakabakashi, shameful information of me and some other people
(such as pictures with vain faces without being censored).

Before deleting my google account, I read some warnings and things from google about what will happen if I proceed to deleting it.

Generally, it says that if I would delete it, my accounts from other websites which are linked to my google account will be deleted too.
There includes my youtube account.

Of course I didn't want my youtube account to be deleted.

And a question came, "oh, is my youtube account linked to this google account of mine?" (i'm using yahoo as my webmail to access my youtube account, not google)

I wanted to know the answer.
So I went to check something in my youtube account to know whether it's linked to google or not.

Without further examining it, I guessed that it wasn't linked to google account.

If it is linked to my google account, then I will not delete my google account.
Because if I delete my google account, it would mean my youtube account would also be deleted.

Otherwise, I'll delete it.

Without doing trial and error (using the 2nd account for deletion to know what'll happen),
I deleted my google account which has my main youtube account that has quite many videos set to "unlisted" (meaning, those people who have the link can watch the video/s).

2 days later, I found out that my youtube account is gone.
Because youtube doesn't recognize my email and password anymore. I couldn't sign in.

*:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡*:..｡o○☆ ━─━─━─━─━─ ━─━─━─━─━─ ━─━─━─━─━─ ━─━─━─━─━─

What was my reaction?

Hmm

これ？
 
いや


これ？
 
 いや


これ？
 
 はっはっ
いや。


これ？
 
Ah
すごいパーワーこれ。
But、いや。


これ？
 
hmm


これ？
 
hmmm


これ？
 
 hmm
まーまー
 

I wasn't mad. My inner self wasn't mad too.

That account contain some videos of me interviewing some strangers I would see along the hall of the building.
It was after the earthquake occured.
I used my hand as microphone.
Some lower classmen would cover their faces or run away when I ask them questions about how they felt and the camera faces them.

It was funny, weird but definitely a good memory.

But it's okay if it's deleted. I'm not really concerned about it.

But what I'm quite concerned is about the video for my classmate.
I and some classmates sang "happy birthday" to her.

She told she liked watching it 
if I remember, she even said it's her best day.

I think, it's a good memory for her.

I wonder what she'll be feeling if I tell her that video is gone now...

Such thing might look simple to most people.
"A, don't worry! We'll sing next time for you!", they say.
But to the eyes and heart of someone out there, it might be irreplaceable.
It's special.

But what can I do?

Simple. Just like people, say something or say nothing.

Teaching Them a Lesson

I was bored and I've got nothing to do when suddenly something struck my mind.

I thought to start a business with my classmates while it's still summer vacation. In this way, time is used well and not for idleness.

My plan was to sell coffee while walking in the streets.
Like selling instant noodles.

I imagined we would say these along the sidewalk:
"Coffee hereeeee!!
"Take this coffee! good for mental alertness!!"
"Ojisan! Obasan! Come take this coffeeee!! Very cheap!!"

When I shared this plan to my classmates on Facebook, some of them said they would go for it.
They too are bored and have got nothing to do in their house.
And when I asked them who'll voluntarily manage this business, only 1 person would like to go.

Knowing it, I canceled my plan.
I thought this business can't possibly progress if only 2 people would go.

I needed many classmates to manage this business to liven the atmosphere.
I thought 2 people can, physically.
But what about emotionally?
Energetic personality is needed for the business to progress.
If one feels already bored and tired of walking, the other people will encourage that person to go on by talking some things.

Duuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I really wanted to do what was in my mind (imagination). But some things in my mind such as shame, criticism, lack of confidence, and more and more would stop me from doing it.

I thought I was already in "i don't care anymore" mood. But actually, I wasn't.

asdfghjkllmnbvczzwqertyuioppppshew

What is this business' objectives?

-gather experience and mold each of our way of thinking for the future (to teach us a lesson of something; learn together)
-to earn money
-money is used for helping classmate who needs financial help in the future
- other emergency purposes

↑
That's what I think ですけど。。。
I don't know what other classmates think.

Anyway, it's okay if this plan is not done as of now.

I have other plans.
Once summer vacation is over, school days are back again.
This other plan is to especially to help my classmates realize something at the end of school days.
Of course for me too.

I might be said I have no mercy and am greedy if I do this plan.
But if they would perceive this in another perspective, they'll realize I am actually helping them.

It will be おもしろい for me, I think.



iPhoneからの投稿

Korean

A few days ago, in Message Board it's an application in my phone), a Korean boy messaged me.

Then we chatted...
I sometimes reply late because I was doing something and wasn't really expecting for a reply.
He said to me to hurry up lol
then he asked me if I have Line (chat application in my phone)...
then I said yes...
then we moved to Line...
then he said he really wonders my face and asked why am I so mysterious to him...
He said he wanted to be familiar with me...
Then he said he wants to meet me this winter.
↑I think him saying that is an honest statement. Usually people who are just new to each other dont really say that, right?
Of course I declined his suggestion.
But I said to him, when we will become good friends and when I would be older, meeting U would be already OK, lol ←actually seriously saying

Then we exchanged some pictures...

I noticed him chatting me at 9:00.
He said he's in the school.
Then I asked him if he's a college student. But no.
Classes start from 7:30 and ends at 22:00. Korean education is tight, he said.

I thought, "15 hours you are in the school? Wow"

I asked him if he was comfortable with his sleeping. He said yes.

And I asked him "isnt now class time?"

He said he hides his phone for chatting with me.

WTF

I said good bye to him but he said to me not to worry about his grade.

I said to him "i thought u should have self discipline..."

Then I sent a picture to him
which shows my writing
"do Ur best" in korean.

Then he said "thank you my dear friend"

I did not reply but after a while he sent me some messages.

He asked me if we could talk to each (real) after 4 hours. And I said it would be okay if I would be awake at that time.

He sent me messages like " I'll be home after blah blah"

------------------------------------------------

So far, I want to ask something. Is this natural? I think it's too fast. I'm not used to it. But I want to continue doing it while it's still summer vacation.

It's my first time chatting with a korean.
Korean seems to be very friendly in the first few days of getting to know each other.

iPhoneからの投稿

②4/23/13

Evening came.

Another activity was done. It was another challenge.

Before we started the activity, the section marcher instructed us to blindfold ourselves with the long cloth we brought.
Then, in 1 group, 3 subgroups were to be formed.
In each subgroup, there should be 3 members.
My co-members happened to be my angry girl classmate and the boy from the other class section.

Other groups went ahead of us (already outside to take the challenge).
While waiting in the room blindfolded, we heard some noises from people who took the challenge outside. It sounded like they were frightened.

Other groups in the room were always opening their mouths, talking about this and that.
But I and my co-members wereなかなか silent. The facilitator (the senior who already graduated) instructed us to squat as we wait for our turn to go outside and take the challenge. She also instructed me to take off my cap.

↑ I knew it was evening and there's no need for me to wear a cap but still, I wore it. lol

All the time we were blindfolded so we couldn't see anything at all but only black.
I was imagining some things like what would happen to us if we go out... Would a fake monster suddenly appear and tickle our body? Would he/she try to separate us from one another?
Thinking of this imagination that I had, I thought I should do something in advance. 
So while it was not our turn yet, I instructed them something. I made a code and told it to them. lol
And to hold one another, tightly.

My angry classmate told me to be the first person in the line.
She at the center, and the other one at the back.
And then her next instruction to the person at the back was to place his hands on her shoulder and she also did the same thing to herself (placing her hands on my shoulder)
I've got no problems with that so I did what she told us.
When she told that to me, she sounded like...
I thought, "Don't tell me, are you scared? Is this your way of keeping yourself 'protected'?"

It was evening so it was getting cold.
When she placed her hands on my shoulder, I thought it was warm. I liked it.

I asked her, "are you nervous?"
"Yeah. A little", she answered.
I replied to her that I was nervous too and kinda sleepy.

Oh one thing that was warmer than them holding my shoulder tight was
angry classmate leaned on my shoulder and the person at the back also leaned on angry classmate's shoulder. And since I was the first person, I couldn't lean on someone.
It made me sleepier when they leaned on.
 I find it warm and cute.
Oh I couldn't see anything but I imagined us doing it at a different angle. w

At that time, I thought of them as cute innocent kids leaning on me.

 


*:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡*:..｡o○☆ *:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡*:..｡o○☆ *:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡*:..｡o○☆

Sigh

I wanted to become their んーちゃん！


This is not yet the end of the evening activity.


To be continued.

4/23/13

みなさま、こんばんは

今日、 I am going to share something that I should not forget easily.
I think it's a good memory of mine being a person.
And I also think it might be better if I do share it to other people.
So through this blog, I'll share it.

▽▲▽▲▽▲▽▲▽▲  ◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

There was an activity which was part of the training that requires the person who joins not to sleep in the house for 1 night. This activity is something about the member's potential and  leadership training.
 
I joined it. Everybody joined too.
With this, I thought, "the more people who join, the merrier this activity will be."

━─━─━─━─━─ ━─━─━─━─━─ ━─━─━─━─━─

We were instructed to wear sportswear and so I did. I wore red jogging pants.
Its color was entirely different from most members wore. And I wore no slippers. Because I didn't bring rubber slippers. And the part of the requirements for the activity was to bring one.  But I brought the wrong one.

I was barefoot.

Who cares anyway ┐(￣ヘ￣）┌

It seems that I arrived earlier than I thought. The commandant was late.

I belong to the 2nd team which named BRAVO.
This team consists of 8 members, including me. There are 4 girls and 4 boys.

The commandant instructed us to crawl (while there are many things blocking our way),  pass this and that (there are also things blocking our way) by jumping , dive into the fish pond (so we were wet), run in a zigzag, jump from the bench, then crawl on the ground (we were wet and dirty) as せんぱい wets us using a hose, then walk through the bench (we must keep our balance so that we won't fall, then pass through the tires then jump from a high place.

While I was doing all those things after my teammates, I kept my spirit high.

The commandant sometimes (a few times in a day like 5 times or so on) asked me something like this:
 "Tired? Wanna give up? It's okay. Don't push yourself ."

ふん

After he said that and while doing those things he instructed us to do, I thought,

"I'm young. I still have strong bones. I'm not actually tired yet.
And I think I know when I should stop. I think I do know my limit.
And I think I'm not really "pushing" myself (pushing for me means doing things forcefully without getting pleasure).
In fact, I like it. I want to know how far I can reach. I want to become human. 
Anyway, thank you very much for saying it. That shows Ur concern towards me. I'm cheered by it. But I'm going to do what I think I have to do. 
私のために、Everyone on this planetのために、がんばります。 
VIVA! TRYING MY BEST'S THINKING!"

↑これは私のばかばかしのthinkingです。すみません　(^_^;)

でも私はほんきでした。

I didn't care anymore if I crawled on the dirty ground and got myself very dirty, dived into the small pond and got wet. I was so focused on my goal. I liked it.

When it was my turn to jump from the high place, the commandant told me again the same as what he told everyone else, "IT'S OKAY IF YOU CAN'T JUMP FROM THAT HIGH PLACE！！！"

"わかりました。You organized this activity and if anything bad happens to us, common people will think it's your fault and responsibility. You will be in trouble if anything happens to us. You don't like that.", I thought.

When I reached from the high place, I thought it was indeed high for me to jump.

I thought, "Commandant, did you say that because your were thinking of yourself (selfishness)? Or did you say that because you really cared for us? Anyway, either of the two,  it is for your personal satisfaction."

Thinking about not troubling the commandant, I thought I should jump from the 2nd place. Because the 1st place looked high to me and if I jump from it, I might get fractured. Surely, the commandant doesn't like that. My parents and friends don't like that. Every person doesn't like that right... unless if he/she is a sadist. w
I think it's also my responsibility not to inflict injuries on myself so badly that it worries my loved ones and that something troublesome might also happen to them.
So I decided I would jump from the 2nd place.  

And I did jump. I didn't get hurt. It was just the right distance for me to jump.

私は「大丈夫」よりそういうが感じでした。
↑これはOK　Japaneseですか？
でもOther member from other teamはだいじょうぶじゃないです。She got hurt after jumping.
After all members finished doing it, we rinsed ourselves outside with water from the faucet.
Of course we were not naked. We had our clothes on while rinsing ourselves.

I was rinsing with 2 girls (my teammates). They are short. And kind of noisy. But despite their negative sides, I think they are good people. They're kind, somehow. The 1st girl is a person whom I think she tries her best and memorizes things easily (she is まじめ）, and the other girl, is a person who is a good dancer and has a nice shape of ass (the classmate who cheated).

I liked the water flowing from the faucet and how all of us badly need it after doing a tiring activity. I felt really good after I wetted myself with cold water.
The sun was starting to set. The colors of the things around me started to change too.
It was pretty, I thought. It was a nice time rinsing with them outside.

またやりてーみてーなー。
I meant, everything that happened that afternoon.

I didn't get injury.
There were a many stones I stepped. ちょっといたいですけど it disappearedです。

I want to do it again because I felt good after doing those things.


 
These are some of our things.
It contains sleeping things, some foods, cooking materials, clothes, flashlights, cell phones, digital cameras, ball pens, papers, toiletries and other personal things.

↑Oh I'm emphasizing it ww


That's all I can write for today. But there were still a lot of things I want to share. So...

To be continued.

4/18/13

It's the last day of the 2 big people for them to train us.

In the morning, we had an orientation.

Sir M. was funny when discussing some things.

He relates what's written in the paper to their real life stories.

He said he had undergone many things with the other trainor since they were high school.

They endured it.

They said they had BURNING DESIRE doing push ups for a hundred times or more than that.

He said it's rare to see people like them.

They are true leaders, he said.

And I agree so.

There is one thing I can't forget what the instructor said and performed.

It's changing of perspective.

He had his point finger move in circular direction many times from big circle to small circle.

Then he told us to do the same after him.

After some time, some of us noticed something.

From clockwise, it became into counterclockwise.

The direction changed.

It's because our perspective changed.



The other person went home ahead of him.
According to him, he needed to go home because his child is in the hospital and that he's needed.
That guy didn't say that to us.

These 2 big people sacrificed something before coming here to teach us.

━─━─━─━─━─ ━─━─━─━─━─

In the afternoon, 1 big person remained.

He had us shout some words.

All of us shouted.

He said not to get it from the throat but from the diaphram.

But sometiems I would get it from the throat.

It's ちょっといたいです。

----------------------------------------------

Then, it's time to say good bye.

He gave his email address to us.

His speeches made me touched.

And his actions make me impressed.

True leader, indeed.