went to uncle's place

Yesterday, I was not in the house.

My family and I went to our uncle's house. 
My uncle has 2 sons, already graduated from college.

It was already noon time when we arrived there.
We took our lunch there.
After that, I had nothing to do. I was bored.
The 2nd son  who was surfing the internet wouldn't talk to me.
It's okay because I am like that too... shy and thinking "what are we going to talk about anyway?" lol
 
My father was talking to my uncle.
I listened to them for awhile. And that made my feeling of boredom fade.
I always enjoy listening to my father because I can learn a lot.

My mother, who is completely opposite of my father, asked me,
"aren't you sleepy?"
"Well, I take back what I said because I'm listening to an interesting conversation", I thought
I did not answer her.
She was annoying to me. Because she kept on insisting me.
Then, she got pillow for me.
And it annoyed me so much. I did not want to sleep nor go anywhere. I wanted to listen to my father talking.
Then, my uncle's wife told me I can sleep in their room.
"Wah...", I thought.
Since it was her offering me with something, I cannot refuse it.
So I went to her room with the air conditioner being on.
And in their room, I saw their 1st son surfing the internet/ 
In facebook, before,  he seemed to be jolly and friendly when replying to me.
But when we met, we did not say anything to each other.
I was ignored.

But it is okay. I am like that too... shy and thinking "what are we going to talk about anyway?" lol

"Maybe, he'll just talk if someone asks him... I don't think they are unfriendly... they just needed to be approached first", I thought.

In the room, I lied down on the bed while he, still playing his laptop.
While I was there, I heard the sounds of the tap of his fingers on the keyboard. He seemed to be playing with some games...
And I heard his voice..it sounded like he was very disappointed. It seemed to me that he got lost in his game.
His tone of voice really surprised me. lol
But anyway, I could sleep there for 1 hour and I had dreamt!!
But I forgot what I had dreamt. lol

To be continued

introducing

Just awhile ago, I was introduced to my cousin's boy friend. 

His voice sounded gentle. That's a merit.

When being introduced to a person you don't know, what is the first thing that you would usually do? 

Shake hands?

Maybe I would wave hi.
But I prefer shake hands, actually.

But I'm shy to do the shake hands first XP haha

Didn't know that word

I was doing something while I was sitting in the chair when suddenly, I noticed my male seatmates laughing so much at the word "olok" that made me stop doing my business.

Curious, I asked them what it means.
"What is olok?"

They were laughing so much like crazy. Their faces were like（≧∇≦）and a lot of "hahaha" were coming from their big mouths.

Since I was not able to learn from them about what it means, I decided to ask the asparagus happy male teacher who was sitting at the back.

"Sir, what is olok?", very curiously I said.

When I asked this, more "hahaha" came from them.
They laughed so hard and nonstop.
But the teacher just looked normal.
I did not get why they laughed so much.
After a while, it was probably the teacher or the students answered me.

"It means penis."



It's my first time knowing that word. I did not know there are other names in my dialect for male's sexual organ...

iPhoneからの投稿

Indifference

In a few hours, it will be Christmas.

However, I don’t feel the Christmas like I used to feel when I was a child. I wonder why.

When I was child, I get very excited when I know Christmas time is coming. Because I would receive gifts from my god mothers and fathers, my dear cousins and family would gather and eat together and we would watch the fireworks above.

Now, I don’t get so much excited when I know Christmas is coming. I don’t mind not receiving any presents. I did not so much enjoy the Christmas party we had.

I wonder, do my parents also feel the same way as I feel now when they were at this kind of stage of life?

When I was younger, it doesn’t seem so to me. To me, I thought my parents were feeling the same as me, carefree and very happy ( I don’t exactly know what was that feeling) that it’s Christmas. But my knowledge and experience when I was younger was very limited. So I was able to come up with such conclusion.

I thought what I feel when I was a child would remain as it is when I would be older. But it did not. 

Is it because I’m too busy thinking of other things? I think I have forgotten how to feel the same way when I was a kid. 

12/12/13

Today is 7:26 PM and it is raining. I have arrived from school at around 6:00 PM from practicing for the upcoming event, parade and review.

My body is tired after standing straight for a long time during the practice. Not only me experiences this but also everyone who did practice.

However, this doesn't make me stop from writing an article for today.

Sometimes, when something nice, mysterious, interesting or whatever enters in my mind or out of my observation of my surroundings, I get an impulse to write.

I plan to write what seems to be interesting to me within the day.

But at the end, I never get to write anything. Because I have seemingly many difficult things to do and I immediately sleep after I do them.

I guess, I have missed writing a lot of memories worthy to remember.

But I am going to make up for that loss.

I want to remember my youthful days.

So I’m going to write the things that happened today.

Morning

I came to school late.

But it is not something that I should be angry about.

About me being late, I sometimes blame in my mind my father for being slow. But after having done much thinking, I realized it is not his fault after all.

My father, the same as anyone else is made to do this certain choice because of some seemingly unchangeable factors.  These seemingly unchangeable factors (or just difficult to change factors) cause him to do an action inadvertently or with intention which might be viewed as either positive or negative by other people. 

If I apply this thinking throughout the aspects of my life and in dealing with other people, maybe what I shall do may be called as “forgiving”.

Thinking about this, “We have no choice, but to keep moving on” has become my favorite word. 

Anyway, no matter what happens, even if the principal or my teacher gets angry at me for being late, I should not blame anyone for me being late.

And I should have positive mind always. Positive mind for me now means believing that I can do it or I have self-esteem. Otherwise (if I will not have a positive mind), I’ll surely be beaten and lost easily not by anyone but by my dark self.

Early morning in the classroom, as we were about to pray the holy rosary, my homeroom teacher had passed outside and stopped at the entrance door to ask if we were already done praying the holy rosary.

We answered that we haven’t prayed the holy rosary yet but we were just about to pray it. Despite this explanation, he seemed to continue being angry always. Then, after some time praying, he immediately scolded us and lectured us. He said about what he hates in us and the importance of playing God at the center of our mind. He was lecturing us for about 15 minutes. As he was lecturing us, I thought he’s getting time again from our subject. That time is supposed to teach us about Science. But he mostly used it for his lecture about life.

I think he is demanding for respect from us. Lecturing us about life and telling us what we should be doing, it has been his practice since the first few days of school days.

And thinking that his practice reached up to this day, I think that this teacher of mine is really persistent in trying to convince us to do what he thinks is right (in spite most of us not really following his orders). He keeps on demanding respect. However, most of us seem not to give him the respect he wants even until now.

There’s this saying, “respect is not given, but earned”.

I thought which side should change perspective. Is it him or us?

Sigh

Today, I have met and talked with the commandant. His presence did not really negatively affect me until my group mates started complaining about him and speaking ill of him. Slowly, I become like my classmates’ attitude. But I do not want to become like them. I must resist it. Good thing I keep most of my thoughts to myself only. Maybe it is safer if only I will know my own thoughts. I should have a positive look on him. And in maintaining this mentality, I think I should remember a memory of him. I remember seeing and hearing him play the piano. At that time, I thought Jesus made me this this man’s good side. The sounds of the piano keys he played were gentle and he seems to enjoy playing it.

I usually see him wearing a negative look on his face so it is surprising for me to see him smiling, laughing and enjoying what he is doing.

Lunch time

It was around 12:20 PM. As I was walking towards downstairs, I saw my new Japanese friends also going to the same direction. When walking, they were ahead of me. And as we went downstairs, I saw the hair of her elder brother.

It was kind of long and it is not the haircut as prescribed by the school.

One of my girl classmates jokingly said to me to tell him to cut short his hair.

But I did not tell about that to him because we are not even close yet, so who am I to tell him that? 

Then, he and his younger sister saw me and smiled at me and I said to them modestly, “konnichiwa”.

Actually, as I was saying that, I felt kind of shy and thought that “Oh no what should I say to them??”

I think I do not really know what to talk about and how to make friends very well. But a part of me tells me that I can do it. Hmmmm

It was a hot day and so they passed through the hall near my classroom. As they were walking near the classroom, my gay classmates from a distance shouted my name. They were calling for my attention because the person who they think my crush is near. LOL

I was happy when he and his sister smiled at me.

Next time, I want to have a clear conversation with him.

In the afternoon, I was asked by a male student about what is between us. Before he asked me, he told me not to feel angry or anything weird. He asked about the letter which his mom gave to me and what is between me and him.

I said we are only friends.

In going home, my father was the one who fetched me. It was raining.

In the car, I was seated in the front seat. Good thing my younger brother wasn’t there. I don’t really enjoy seeing my brother’s presence. Also, I brought my sword for the first time to home. I must clean it but I’m not cleaning it. So it is all useless me bringing it. Lol

Anyway, I think I should be happy because he smiled at me. I hope we will smile at each other a lot!!!  

Odyssey

It was long before planned by my English teacher and shared to everyone that we would have an activity on November 30th.
This activity is named ODYSSEY.

As far as I remember, ODYSSEY means "Journeys".
But according to some sources on the internet, "odyssey" means a series of experiences that give knowledge or understanding to someone. 

For the activity to happen, we needed money.  So my vibrant English teacher had assigned some students with some tasks. And those are to collect an amount of money from us everyday and submit to her some packs of goods.

In collecting money, there were some students who remained hard-headed. I mean, they didn't hand their money to the collector and so the collector would sometimes get angry at them. 

It is the collector's duty to make sure that all have paid so that the activity would happen on that date. It is also the same as passing to her packs of goods. 
If they won't pay, the activity that would happen on November 13th would be postponed.
So the collector must have a strong personality in collecting money from those hard-headed students, most especially my boy classmates.

I do not know if everyone had paid. But the activity was pushed through and so we attended the activity on the date as planned.


On November 30th, we had to come to school before 7 AM. Because there were so much activities that would happen, the starting time to travel must be early.

As you know since November 15th, we have been waking up early and must have to come to school before 6:30 AM or else we will be considered as late for the training.
And my English teacher knowing this fact, she had expected that it wouldn't be a surprise to us come to school early for the ODYSSEY because we've been getting used to it. 

It was already beyond 7:00 AM and luckily, my teacher had the school bus driver waited for about 15-20 minutes for others to come. 
Unfortunately, some batch mates of mine did not attend the activity.
And some were left by the school bus because they're late, I guess.
Or is it because they have not fully given the amount of money required to join the activity? Hmm I do not really know. 
 
In the school bus, I was seated near the door exit of the school's bus and beside me was my bright short girl classmate. She seems to play a big part in making this activity happen.

My English teacher had decided to stop waiting for them.
The school bus driver started the school bus at 7: 20 AM.
GOOD BYE SCHOOL GOOD BYE CLASSMATES.



The first place we went was the prison. 
There, we saw the prisoners staying in one very small room. The place was kind of stinky. 
And almost all students dashed into the small room (but they weren't able to get inside the prison of course). Because of this, much of the oxygen in the small room had been consumed by them. 
It was almost airless. 

We gave them the packs of goods in which cups of rice, canned goods, shampoo, soap were present. 
Unexpectedly, we received something in return from them.

We received from them a colorful recycled materials in which drinking straws had been formed into beautiful tiny flowers and a liter of plastic bottle of sprite had also been made into a vase to support the flowers. 

It was considered as a sweet behavior from them towards us.

When I went near the jail, I saw a glimpse of their faces. And it seemed to be that they have seen me. I noticed them smiling at me.

Then, we went to a shop that sells snacks and drinks. 
I bought a purple bread. 



To be continued

Disheartenment

It happened at around 5:15.

She was standing in the lobby where students get to walk to and fro.

She had her back pack on her back. She looked gloomy, spiritless, and despondent. She had a sad voice.
It was the same appearance she had shown since few days ago.

I stood opposite to her.
She started to speak to me. She expressed her feelings to me. She seemed to have lost confidence in herself. Low self-esteem, she seems to have. All she said to me, it was all sad things. Her internal pain seemed to be severe. She seemed to be stuck in negative thinking. The words from other people and what she thinks what might other people think of her seemed to have negatively overwhelmed her.

“I ruined it. I might have ruined others’ reputation because of me. It’s better for me to stop. I wonder why I was chosen to be the corps commander. Me being chosen as the corps commander is wrong.
I swear this is my last. It will be up to you (staffs) now. I will never be the same as before whose loyalty is placed in the activity. “

As she spoke, water from her eyes started to be visible. Slowly, it became red. As soon as it flowed down, she sadly wiped her eyes with her gray handkerchief.

The two of us had a downcast appearance.

There was silence.

Other students stared at us and uttered a joke—that we seemed to have lovers’ quarrel.

I didn’t mind what they said.

It was not a quarrel.

It was, my beloved sir corps commander, expressing her sad feelings to me.

I felt trusted when she opened up her feelings to me. But at the same time, I kind of felt sad.

Despite what she’s feeling, I did not say anything much to motivate her.

I remember her saying “I’m interesting!” when we had a conversation weeks ago.

Thinking of her now, I wondered where that very confident attitude of hers is now.

I took the silence as an opportunity to bend my back.

The left side of my face, including my left ear was on her heart, near her chest. Although she seems to be flat-chested, it did not fail me to notice her feeling heavy as indicated mostly by her look, her voice and her heart beat.

She seems to be almost entirely feeling despondent.

It is her decision whether to continue feeling like that or move to the next step.

If she remains in that thinking that seems to deflate her ego, does that mean I will also act like one?

Despite her feeling inactive, I think I must continue to move forward.

It is my duty to have a look of self-esteem so that others will also have self-esteem.

And will I wait for her to move forward?

Waiting may take time.

I’m kind of impatient so I must push her to move forward.

My Own Way of Being Strong

Some things happened to me and my group mates today.

What happened may seem to be good.

But when I look at my leader's sad face, I couldn't feel comfortable.

I couldn't be at peace.

To make her happy so that she can lead well, I think it is one of my responsibilities. The principal may seem to be right.

And we might be broken.

And group mates might take off responsibility.

But I do not want to leave her.

She might get suspended because of what she did.

But I feel responsible for it.

I could have told her my thoughts.

But I was selfish enough.

So made her do things which seems to be against the protocol.

I want to have a share of her pain.

I also want to heal her.

Maybe, all I can do is say everything, be brutally honest and admit my mistakes and be responsible for it. If I do that, I can be at peace, maybe. And I am able to have share of responsibility.

She is my leader, my sir.

I do not want to leave her alone.

I seem to be weak. But with my own style, I want to be strong for her and me.

I seemed to have eaten my own words before, but I will change and be strong and stand for what I believe.

I will not care what others will think of me.

To admit that I am also responsible for it and make her be happy should be my pride!

12/1/13

It is December 1st. 24 days to go and it will be Christmas day for 2013.

Aah

I remember the things I did before with some people last year.

Thinking that it is December now...

hmmm

time surely flies so fast.

I wonder what will be my Christmas day like.

Well, whatever it is, I hope we could still move on that day.

Lately, I think there have been several things that happened to me that deserve to be remembered but have not been written in blog.

nk there have been several things that happened to me that deserve to be remembered but have not been written in blog.

After something that deserves to be remembered happened to me, I always think of writing it and reporting it in my blog. But at the end of the day, I wouldn’t be able to do it. Because I think, I do not have proper time management. I waste time, a lot.

Yes, it is true that in this school, demand for home works is high. It keeps the teachers and students moving. And so proper time management is a must. But I think I do not have yet proper time management. I think I waste time a lot for my pleasures. For example, sleeping for some minutes that becomes hours.

Every weekday, I get up at or before 5:00 AM. And sleep at 10-11:00 PM. I lack enough sleeping hours. So makes me feel sleepy during the day.

I must come to school before 6:30 AM because that has been our agreement recently (for my batch mates only) so that we can have enough time to practice for the upcoming event which greatly exposes ourselves to the audience. This practice is not for the extracurricular activity but is part of the curriculum.

Recently, I think I have been focusing on this subject and less on other important subjects such as Science, English, Math, etc.

If I want to become successful at the end, I think I must have proper time management.

I want to do my best but I tried and I think I have not done my very best yet.

There were some things that I have failed to do so it had negatively affected other people, maybe.

Days ago, I was instructed by the SAP coordinator (she is the person to approach to when the problem with the student becomes severe and needs to be sanctioned) to give her the list of late comers among the officers and cadets.

But the list which the executive officers passed to me is incomplete. So I couldn’t immediately hand in to her the list. So it made me be pressured.

The executive officer (he is also a classmate of mine) asked me in the classroom, “give me pins.”

I instructed him to give me the list first. But he kept on demanding for pins because if he doesn’t have it, his buttocks will be shown. I do not really have it and I looked reluctant and angry. Suddenly, he became wild. And so, something unexpected was uttered by him to me.

I was shocked to hear those kinds of words from him to me.

to be continued.