Good
evening, people in this world!
Since this
morning, I have been feeling really happy.
It started
when I went to the library this morning.
I was reading
and answering certain questions when all of the sudden, my friend appeared in
my mind.
Then, I
began to remember certain things which he said to me.
And from
there, certain theories, reasons, assumptions, principles on why a human being
does this and that dwelt in my mind.
Although I
was reading, I was immersed in another level of consciousness.
So my
attention was not focused on what I was reading. It was focused on what I was
thinking at that time.
I thought
such characteristic of mine (that being able divert my attention to another thing
and be really focused on it) is really a hindrance to my concentration on my studies.
Because I think to be focused on my studies is
more important than thinking those I things I seem to be obsessed thinking
of. So it’s no good.
Oh now,
myself tells me not to say “it’s no good” because I might be too hasty. Who
knows, that thinking such thoughts could be a big contribution for the
betterment of myself and perhaps for other people too in the future.
Anyway, let’s
go back to the topic.
Since this
morning, I have been feeling really happy.
Since I was
really happy, I thought of sharing my feeling to someone.
I wrote my
thought which I planned to be mailed to my friend.
In the
library, I was seated in the chair and on the table leaned my arms. Two of my
girl classmates were in the same area as I was in. One of whom was seated at my
left (she is my short, bright classmate and my partner in the RESEARCH) while
the other, at her opposite (she is my classmate, who, through her actions and the point of those certain
words she uttered, reminded me of the principle that to take care of my self is
also my responsibility) .
As I thought
of sharing my current feelings to them,
my sense of sight sends electric signals to my brain telling me that
they are smiling while talking to each other. And then my self interprets this
that they seem to be having flow. Meaning, they are deeply focused on what they
are doing (they don’t mind about themselves or their emotions).
Then my
inner self tells me, “should I really tell them my feelings now? I might be an
interruption to them and ruin the flow they are having.”
But then
another self tells me, “Haa? Tell it to them now! What you might tell to them
might be a big contribution to their improvement and to your own improvement!”
Then, I was
lured by my second thought.
So, all of
the sudden, I spoke my feelings to them. And they listened to me.
As I said
that, they did not say impolite things to me. This observation is opposite to
what I had imagined it to be. Like “don’t you have good manners? Suddenly interrupting
people having good conversation with each other...” They never said such things.
Well, one
thing I forgot to consider was that they might have gotten used to my attitude.
We’ve seen each other and been together for how many years so maybe they have accepted
me as who I really am. Maybe, that is the reason they did not say impolite
things to me… whatever.
Anyway, the
classmate who sat at the opposite side said her reason to me.
I said to
her that I have a feeling that it is thanks to everyone but I also have a feeling
that I should thank everything to myself.
As a reply she
said to me like “yah because it’s a path you chose.”
I enjoyed
sharing my thoughts and feelings to them. Then, they started speaking about
what they’ve read in blog. I didn’t know that they’ve been continuing reading
my blog since the last time they reported to me that they had read some
articles of my blog. Of course I was really happy in knowing it.
I wondered
why they continue to read my blog. I thought they are interested in me. So I
asked them, “are you interested in me??? :D”
And it was
confirmed that my guess is correct by their saying of their YES.
And I was
happy more than the previous minutes I was happy at that time.
Now, if ever
they are reading this, I would like to say THANKS FOR SPENDING YOUR TIME READING
THIS! to them now. Their time is a gift for me. J
I went out from
the library and spent my time walking and watching the surrounds around me. I
saw beautiful plants of various kinds and sizes and colors, the beautiful sky
that was not obscured so much by the clouds (so it seems to give off nice
lighting to the surroundings), and my teacher who has big stomach and skillful
in many fields related to art (recently, I had a nice talk with him and he
seems to be nice to me so I act nicely to him). I was feeling really happy
while I watched them.
The bell for
the break time rang.
On my way to
the door of the classroom where I stay, I met some of my boy classmates.
Then, I
stood by the door with my tallest boy classmate blocking me.
He is probably 180cm or over that (I will
bring a steel tape to measure his height someday).
I remember I
have told him before that I wanted to talk to him. Remembering that, I thought
of taking that time to talk with him. So I exclaimed happily to him that we
should be talking. He and his friends seem to take their meal for lunch at that
time. It was still 10:00 AM. I decided to go with them.
So I took with great excitement my bag with my
bentou in it and then went along with my boy classmates.
Walking
towards the canteen, in terms of speed, they were very slow. They looked very lousy.
I encouraged them to walk fast. But no matter
how many times I said it, they really walked slowly. Hmm probably at a
leisurely pace.
I was really
happy and said certain things. They laughed and laughed and unexpectedly, one
of them commented about me “You’re crazy.”
For someone
to say such comment at that time was beyond my calculation of the possible
things that might happen at that time. So I have overlooked it. But it is no longer
a surprise to me that someone would say such thing to me. For I already know
that he’s only seeing things as he is (or what he had experienced thinking of)
and not what I am.
For someone
who doesn’t know this supposed truth, that someone might be deceived. Be flattered
or be sad.
Supposedly,
we should take things in moderation. But even if I know this supposed truth, I
still feel happy or sad. It is tough for me to feel at the mean (middle) of it.
Today, I’m
really happy.
From this
feeling of mine, it led me to do certain things which could have affected other
people.
Oh but this
feeling might be caused by deception.
If that’s
the case, the feeling of other people who are affected by this might be also
caused by deception. If that’s true, what we are feeling is a deception, then?
