One morning in a local restaurant few days ago, I met a classmate of mine in high school. We could not finish taking our breakfast together as she went ahead of me. But before she left, to my surprise, she told me that in the weekend, she read my blog articles. Yes, what she meant was this blog.
Of course, I was very happy to hear that. But strangely after that it did not get me moving.
If I was really moved I should have felt happy throughout the day and that my happiness would have gone on for days. One strong evidence for that would be my return to writing in this blog immediately after it happened. But it did not.
Then again, this circumstance (the fact that my classmate told me she read my blog) is only among the many which I failed to really appreciate.
Before, in high school, there were a lot of things I could write about in my blog and during the day I had often looked forward to writing those things. And I always thought everything I wrote was interesting and I loved them even though my English was poor (even until now).
In one of the articles in this blog, I wrote there that I would do my best to copy and type in here often the articles I like from a book.
In real world I said I would record every unfamiliar word I encounter everyday.
Then I said I would keep a journal everyday.
But look at now.
Empty Promises.
Now I don't find joy in writing and reading what I write. Whenever I try to read my personal writing, I feel it's a disgust.
Even though I lost my interest in my own work, I could still forgive myself by taking comfort in the fact that I am still alive and that I can change.
Of course, I was very happy to hear that. But strangely after that it did not get me moving.
If I was really moved I should have felt happy throughout the day and that my happiness would have gone on for days. One strong evidence for that would be my return to writing in this blog immediately after it happened. But it did not.
Then again, this circumstance (the fact that my classmate told me she read my blog) is only among the many which I failed to really appreciate.
Before, in high school, there were a lot of things I could write about in my blog and during the day I had often looked forward to writing those things. And I always thought everything I wrote was interesting and I loved them even though my English was poor (even until now).
In one of the articles in this blog, I wrote there that I would do my best to copy and type in here often the articles I like from a book.
In real world I said I would record every unfamiliar word I encounter everyday.
Then I said I would keep a journal everyday.
But look at now.
Empty Promises.
Now I don't find joy in writing and reading what I write. Whenever I try to read my personal writing, I feel it's a disgust.
Even though I lost my interest in my own work, I could still forgive myself by taking comfort in the fact that I am still alive and that I can change.
Yesterday, all of the sudden after taking breakfast, I felt my stomach became very painful. It got worse during my first class. I had to go to the university's clinic to receive medicine for it. But even though I got the medicine, it didn't work on me. I felt my stomach very painful. At that time I almost couldn't bear the pain; I couldn't walk, couldn't stand straight and I moaned out of pain. When I went back to the clinic questioning the effectiveness of the medicine she gave me, she finally realized the seriousness of my pain. Hot compress was then prepared for me and I laid down in the bed. But still I couldn't relax and whenever I tried to straighten my body position, my stomach pain just got worse. At last the doctor suggested to me that I be admitted to the hospital. But I was unwilling about it because I supposed the pain would just disappear as time went by. Although the pain disappeared, it came back in the evening. At the end of the day, when I called back my mother about my condition, she strongly suggested to me that I be brought to the hospital for admission. Without much thought I agreed. Immediately my worried mother got herself ready to travel from our hometown to the city to see me in the night. When we arrived at the hospital we were directly sent to the emergency room. Doctors checked my body for temperature and etc. But what was more unforgettable for me was they pressed many parts of my stomach several times to see which part I felt the most painful. There were two physicians attending to me. One was a handsome male. As he was listening to my heartbeat through his stethoscope, I looked away from him because I was embarrassed. He was really handsome. Then, our decision was have myself admitted. So my left hand was already injected for dextrose passage. But in the end, everything attached to my body had to be removed because we decided to cancel the admission. The doctors asked the reason that we wanted it to be cancelled.
Anyway, the male doctor was really handsome. He looked calm and cool. I kept on recalling his face.
Anyway, the male doctor was really handsome. He looked calm and cool. I kept on recalling his face.
Before engaging in self-disclosure, ask the following questions:
1) Am I planning to disclose an appropriate amount of information (we don't want to overwhelm a potential partner with a wide breadth of material)?
2) Am I planning to disclose an appropriate type of information( we don't want to frighten off a potential partner with intimate and in-depth details of our personal life)?
3) Will I be embarrassed if my disclosure is communicated to others (we should make sure that the risks associated with disclosing to an unworthy partner are those we can live with)?
4) Can I effectively and appropriately deal with my disclosure if it's not reciprocated ( we should realize that although disclosure usually begets disclosure, this isn't always the case)?
5) Will my disclosure place an unfair burden on my partner ( we don't want to unfairly ask a partner to keep a secret or self-disclose only to relieve ourselves of guilty feelings)?
I think that this works not only with a lover but also with a friend.
1) Am I planning to disclose an appropriate amount of information (we don't want to overwhelm a potential partner with a wide breadth of material)?
2) Am I planning to disclose an appropriate type of information( we don't want to frighten off a potential partner with intimate and in-depth details of our personal life)?
3) Will I be embarrassed if my disclosure is communicated to others (we should make sure that the risks associated with disclosing to an unworthy partner are those we can live with)?
4) Can I effectively and appropriately deal with my disclosure if it's not reciprocated ( we should realize that although disclosure usually begets disclosure, this isn't always the case)?
5) Will my disclosure place an unfair burden on my partner ( we don't want to unfairly ask a partner to keep a secret or self-disclose only to relieve ourselves of guilty feelings)?
I think that this works not only with a lover but also with a friend.
Today is the today that I must return the books to the library.
Unfortunately, I might not be able to do so.
If I can't return it today I will have to pay coins to the student in charge of the library in the ground floor.
Tomorrow, I will surely return it.
I wonder whether there also a sanction in Japan if book is returned late to the university's library...
Unfortunately, I might not be able to do so.
If I can't return it today I will have to pay coins to the student in charge of the library in the ground floor.
Tomorrow, I will surely return it.
I wonder whether there also a sanction in Japan if book is returned late to the university's library...
There was once a Japanese friend of mine who had good skills in interpersonal communication.
個人間通信がじょうぞいる日本人友達です。
これは個人間通信のことが苦って人からです。その人は私です。（笑）
These are the words from a person who is poor at interpersonal communication. That person is me. LOL
今はこの友達は入手不可能です。
My friend is currently unavailable.
かれのこと私はうらやましいです。
I envy him.
個人間通信のことは本当はわかりません。
To tell you the truth, I do not know what is interpersonal communication.
でも、感じられますか？
But, can it be felt?
彼は今暇はないながら、I will self-study interpersonal communication.
So when we meet, we will enjoy the conversation.
Copying notes from a book by writing or typing is the thing which I effortlessly do.
But remembering and practicing its content are not.
I hope I can successfully do this with my current classmates.
Interpersonal Communication
Shelley D. Lane
2010
1) Metacommunication
-communication about communication
(content level of meaning) and relationships (relational level of meaning)
Example: Let's brainstorm possible ways to meet both your goals and my goals without evaluating the suggestions at this point.
2) Perception Checking
A description of sense data, an interpretation (perception) of the sense data, and a request for feedback
Example: I see that you're not smiling and not talking much. Maybe you don't believe this collaborative approach will work, or maybe you find it hard to generate options. Is it one of these?
3) Face saving skills
-overlooking a face-threatening act, using humor, offering an apology, communicating an explanation, engaging in physical remediation
Example: I'm sorry I yelled a while back; I shouldn't have lost my temper.
4) Non-defensive responses to criticism
-validate a critic's thoughts and feelings even if we disagree with the criticism (e.g, asking open-ended questions;guessing about specifics. agreeing with the truth; agreeing to disagree)
Example: I see how you might think that I only want to win this argument; however, that's not the case. I just want my needs taken seriously
5) expressing emotions
-accept responsibility and own feelings by combining emotion words with a description of sense data
Example: I get angry when you tell me that I'm wrong
6) language clarity skills
-owning thoughts, indexing, and dating information
Example: In my own opinion, we can achieve your goals without having to move.
7) nonverbal immediacy skills
-function to enhance liking, closeness, approachability, and positive evaluations (e.g., smiling, nodding, making eye contact, forward lening and direct body orientation, variety in speech, patting a shoulder, immediate conversational responses)
Example: Individuals in conflict will refrain from engaging in the following behaviors: frowning, avoiding eye contact, using adaptors, leaning backward, sounding aggressive or submissive, applying force when touching, and using silence in conversation.
8) skills of effective conversationalists
-asking questions, responding to and providing free information, crediting sources, maintaining conversational coherence, engaging in appropriate turn taking, summarizing the main ideas.
Example: your comment just reminded me of something that may help us resolve this conflict. Have you finished what you want to say? I'd like to tell about my thoughts.
9) active listening and confirming responses
-prompting and questioning, reassuring and expressing concern, analyzing and advising, judging (offering constructive criticism), paraphrasing thought and feelings).
Example: Let me see if I understand you correctly: You feel frustrated because you want to eliminate clutter in the house but don't want get rid of any possessions. Am I right?
10) assertiveness skills
-standing up for our beliefs, rights and needs while respecting the beliefs, rights, and needs of others (e.g., owning thoughts and feelings; using meta-communication; expressing empathetic assertion, using the broken record; and boundary-setting responses to the communication of prejudice)
Example: I know that you've had a rough day and that you're tired and angry, but I don't want you to take it out on me. I'll talk to you when you stop yelling at me.
11) Relationship maintenance skills
- for example, positivity (being cheerful, avoiding criticism, expressing appreciation)
Example: I think we can solve this problem together. I appreciate you for working with me.
個人間通信がじょうぞいる日本人友達です。
これは個人間通信のことが苦って人からです。その人は私です。（笑）
These are the words from a person who is poor at interpersonal communication. That person is me. LOL
今はこの友達は入手不可能です。
My friend is currently unavailable.
かれのこと私はうらやましいです。
I envy him.
個人間通信のことは本当はわかりません。
To tell you the truth, I do not know what is interpersonal communication.
でも、感じられますか？
But, can it be felt?
彼は今暇はないながら、I will self-study interpersonal communication.
So when we meet, we will enjoy the conversation.
Copying notes from a book by writing or typing is the thing which I effortlessly do.
But remembering and practicing its content are not.
I hope I can successfully do this with my current classmates.
Interpersonal Communication
Shelley D. Lane
2010
1) Metacommunication
-communication about communication
(content level of meaning) and relationships (relational level of meaning)
Example: Let's brainstorm possible ways to meet both your goals and my goals without evaluating the suggestions at this point.
2) Perception Checking
A description of sense data, an interpretation (perception) of the sense data, and a request for feedback
Example: I see that you're not smiling and not talking much. Maybe you don't believe this collaborative approach will work, or maybe you find it hard to generate options. Is it one of these?
3) Face saving skills
-overlooking a face-threatening act, using humor, offering an apology, communicating an explanation, engaging in physical remediation
Example: I'm sorry I yelled a while back; I shouldn't have lost my temper.
4) Non-defensive responses to criticism
-validate a critic's thoughts and feelings even if we disagree with the criticism (e.g, asking open-ended questions;guessing about specifics. agreeing with the truth; agreeing to disagree)
Example: I see how you might think that I only want to win this argument; however, that's not the case. I just want my needs taken seriously
5) expressing emotions
-accept responsibility and own feelings by combining emotion words with a description of sense data
Example: I get angry when you tell me that I'm wrong
6) language clarity skills
-owning thoughts, indexing, and dating information
Example: In my own opinion, we can achieve your goals without having to move.
7) nonverbal immediacy skills
-function to enhance liking, closeness, approachability, and positive evaluations (e.g., smiling, nodding, making eye contact, forward lening and direct body orientation, variety in speech, patting a shoulder, immediate conversational responses)
Example: Individuals in conflict will refrain from engaging in the following behaviors: frowning, avoiding eye contact, using adaptors, leaning backward, sounding aggressive or submissive, applying force when touching, and using silence in conversation.
8) skills of effective conversationalists
-asking questions, responding to and providing free information, crediting sources, maintaining conversational coherence, engaging in appropriate turn taking, summarizing the main ideas.
Example: your comment just reminded me of something that may help us resolve this conflict. Have you finished what you want to say? I'd like to tell about my thoughts.
9) active listening and confirming responses
-prompting and questioning, reassuring and expressing concern, analyzing and advising, judging (offering constructive criticism), paraphrasing thought and feelings).
Example: Let me see if I understand you correctly: You feel frustrated because you want to eliminate clutter in the house but don't want get rid of any possessions. Am I right?
10) assertiveness skills
-standing up for our beliefs, rights and needs while respecting the beliefs, rights, and needs of others (e.g., owning thoughts and feelings; using meta-communication; expressing empathetic assertion, using the broken record; and boundary-setting responses to the communication of prejudice)
Example: I know that you've had a rough day and that you're tired and angry, but I don't want you to take it out on me. I'll talk to you when you stop yelling at me.
11) Relationship maintenance skills
- for example, positivity (being cheerful, avoiding criticism, expressing appreciation)
Example: I think we can solve this problem together. I appreciate you for working with me.
皆様、おはようございます。
今日はいい天気です。
私の国の天気はいつも厚いです。
厚いな天気はいやだなのです。
だから私は雨傘を使います。
っていうか、天気のことこの記事で書きたいことじゃないです。
私はたくさんな日本人ともだちがいました。
彼らはブログがあるも。
でも、ほとんどは書いてことは辞めました。ブログも消しました。
「どうしてかなー？書いた記事はもったいないなー。」といつも思っています。
彼らのわけはわかりません。
でも、私にはブログを消ししません。
私のメモリーのことが心配しています。
もし、アルツハイマー病があって、the only thing that I can turn to for reference of my past that I always want to remember is this blog.
This blog contains the conversation between my Japanese readers and friends and the feelings between them and me that lie under the texts.
このブログは私にはたいせつです。
今はとっても忙しいです。いつも勉強して not only it resulted in my less chances of writing things but also in spending quality time with my family and friends.
それでもかきたいです。このブログで書いてことを続けます。
今日はいい天気です。
私の国の天気はいつも厚いです。
厚いな天気はいやだなのです。
だから私は雨傘を使います。
っていうか、天気のことこの記事で書きたいことじゃないです。
私はたくさんな日本人ともだちがいました。
彼らはブログがあるも。
でも、ほとんどは書いてことは辞めました。ブログも消しました。
「どうしてかなー？書いた記事はもったいないなー。」といつも思っています。
彼らのわけはわかりません。
でも、私にはブログを消ししません。
私のメモリーのことが心配しています。
もし、アルツハイマー病があって、the only thing that I can turn to for reference of my past that I always want to remember is this blog.
This blog contains the conversation between my Japanese readers and friends and the feelings between them and me that lie under the texts.
このブログは私にはたいせつです。
今はとっても忙しいです。いつも勉強して not only it resulted in my less chances of writing things but also in spending quality time with my family and friends.
それでもかきたいです。このブログで書いてことを続けます。
Knowledge Entry #1
Negative Reinforcement trap
- reinforcement of the behaviors that the parent (care taker) wants to discourage.
-has 3 steps
example situation:
Step 1) the mother orders her son to do something which he doesnt want to do.
Step 2) The son responds with whines
Step 3) The mother gives in. The son need not do as she told him initially.
To the son's point of view, the mother rewards the behavior (responding with whines) by withdrawing her request to the son.
Suggestion from research:
- administer directly after the undesired behavior occurs, not hours later
- an undesired behavior always leads to punishment, not usually or occasionally
- explain why the child was punished and how punishment can be avoided in the future
- the child has a warm, affectionate relationship with the person administering the punishment
2 of my friends whom I befriended with in the 2nd semester of my 1st year in college and I exchanged presents with one another on the last day of school this year.
One of them is gay and the other is a girl. Both of them typically talk about amusing things. I always love to hear them whenever they talk about it.
Before we exchanged presents to one another, on the previous days, we had had a conversation about what each of us would like to receive as a present.
We had had difficulty on coming up what gift we would want to receive.
We had thought for a while and then came up the answers (of course we had to consider the price which is limited).
The first one to answer was me. Next is the girl and lastly the gay.
When it was their turn to answer, it seemed as though they were still undecided.
"Ah! I got it! Buy me pantie and bra!! :D", said she .
The gay was unwilling to buy it because people would stare at him and that is embarrassing to him.
The scene was hilarious to me. lol
On the day that we exchanged gifts, I received a map and a pouch from them.
The girl didn't receive the bra and the pantie.
It was her joke. lol
You may be wondering why we were talking about what we wanna receive when a present is supposed to be a secret.
Well, we thought we barely know each other's interest and we might not like what we would receive.
So we all agreed to tell what we want to receive.
I have witnessed my mom going to the underwear section of men in the department store. I too, I went there. I also saw many other women going there.
But strangely, it never occurred to me seeing a man in ladies' underwear section in the department store.
I'll try to ask other men about it.
One of them is gay and the other is a girl. Both of them typically talk about amusing things. I always love to hear them whenever they talk about it.
Before we exchanged presents to one another, on the previous days, we had had a conversation about what each of us would like to receive as a present.
We had had difficulty on coming up what gift we would want to receive.
We had thought for a while and then came up the answers (of course we had to consider the price which is limited).
The first one to answer was me. Next is the girl and lastly the gay.
When it was their turn to answer, it seemed as though they were still undecided.
"Ah! I got it! Buy me pantie and bra!! :D", said she .
The gay was unwilling to buy it because people would stare at him and that is embarrassing to him.
The scene was hilarious to me. lol
On the day that we exchanged gifts, I received a map and a pouch from them.
The girl didn't receive the bra and the pantie.
It was her joke. lol
You may be wondering why we were talking about what we wanna receive when a present is supposed to be a secret.
Well, we thought we barely know each other's interest and we might not like what we would receive.
So we all agreed to tell what we want to receive.
I have witnessed my mom going to the underwear section of men in the department store. I too, I went there. I also saw many other women going there.
But strangely, it never occurred to me seeing a man in ladies' underwear section in the department store.
I'll try to ask other men about it.
On July 3 this year, my Japanese friend who is now 10 years old had emailed me. Until now, I have never replied to her email. But today I wrote again. This time, I'm really going to send it to her. But the message below will not be the one to be sent to her. I made another one which is shorter and easily understood by a 10 year old (i think) but I wont show it to you. hehe
I post this here because this reflects some of my life events, observations and I want other people to read it. hehe
Oh I think I might send this URL to my Japanese friend. And she might read this.
I was never late in attending the classes in college. If I were to be late, that would be a big reduction of points, for me. Attending the classes early is very important. There is much equivalent points for that in college. Most of the professors would not scold you if you were late. If you come late, the professor will just pause his/her discussion, and record your being late, and immediately resume to her discussion (By the way, we don't attend flag ceremony like we used to when I was a high school student. So I can be late. But of course, there would be consequence that will follow) and if you get scolded, the professor will only scold you once or twice (unlike when I was in high school we get scolded over a thousand times www).
I post this here because this reflects some of my life events, observations and I want other people to read it. hehe
Oh I think I might send this URL to my Japanese friend. And she might read this.
I was never late in attending the classes in college. If I were to be late, that would be a big reduction of points, for me. Attending the classes early is very important. There is much equivalent points for that in college. Most of the professors would not scold you if you were late. If you come late, the professor will just pause his/her discussion, and record your being late, and immediately resume to her discussion (By the way, we don't attend flag ceremony like we used to when I was a high school student. So I can be late. But of course, there would be consequence that will follow) and if you get scolded, the professor will only scold you once or twice (unlike when I was in high school we get scolded over a thousand times www).
I could just remember my classmates' misbehavior-- sleeping during the class, talking with other classmate while the teacher is speaking. Somehow, this also makes me remember about the behavior of my classmates when during my first semester of college and the response of my professors to that. During that, I saw some classmates behaving such ways. Few of the professors would scold them. There are some who would order them to get out. One professor even told a certain classmate of mine in front of my classmates to withdraw the class. If you arrive at the class 30 minutes later, a certain professor of mine would even mark you off as absent (so you miss big points for attendance). If you are absent for several times (there is a standard for that), you get failed in the subject. These are just some of the ways my professor during the 1st semester are strict and bold.
Even the security guards at school are very strict as initially evident by their tone of voice. If you do not observe the proper uniform, you are not allowed to enter the campus and so you miss the classes. But some guards would let the students enter the school despite the wrong haircut.
When the guards were interviewed, the guards said "it depends on whoever is caught". Many students would complain about this injustice and would argue with the guards using a high tone of voice and an angry one.
But in my own opinion, the number 1 that the students complain about is the "Sometimes there is no water available from the faucet". Water is very important. It should be prioritized.
If in high school , we would tackle 1 book in every subject in a school year, in college, we would tackle several books in a semester. We have a lot of things to read. We have a lot of things to do in a day. Sometimes, I could not finish some of them in a day because I already wanted to sleep so much. I would sometimes drink coffee at night to keep me wake up. I could sometimes finish all my tasks at 12 AM or 1 AM or 2 AM. Another solution for this is to increase my speed at finishing the tasks. Most importantly, I shouldn't procrastinate.
In a day, I had a vacant time, meaning, no classes. But mostly, I spent that time finishing off my tasks. I would sometimes go to the library of the school to read certain books there. Sometimes, I would end up going home at 6:30 PM because I spent much of my time reading books in the library. I had classes on saturday too. I was always busy on Sunday. And I was always at the place where I live in. But once or twice in a month, I could manage to go home in my hometown but only stay there for a few hours.
There were few times I was very free especially during the intramurals of the school. With a few friends in college, I was able to go to Ayala (mall) and tour around it, and eat in certain restaurants. I also went to Daiso Japan and saw similar things in there which you have given me. From that, I could remember you and your brother, again.
Not replying to you earlier, ごめんね。
Since months ago, I already wanted to reply to you. But I did not know how to say it.
October 18 was the start of our sembreak. Our classes will start on november 10.
I went to my former school immediately on October 18 for Alumni Reunion.
Some security guards told me about you and your brother-- that both of you got taller.
But whether both of you got taller or not, I really look forward to seeing you soon.
Freya