Late May

I watched the Planet of the Apes series last night. Caught up with one piece and shingeki no kyojin... Finished utawarerumono remaster too.

Sen no kiseki IV release date got announced! Same day as last year. 

Meeting Angela tomorrow for dinner. It's so hard to think of a good place to eat with her since she's so picky. 

She quarrelled with her brother recently. I'm sure You Liang will apologise and everything will be okay soon enough.

Next month is my long awaited promotion. I wonder how much increment I will be getting. Hopefully at least $200. Also, the game we're making are finally going to make its public debut. The coming months will be a very tough time for everyone in the team.

29 May

Angela cancelled on me yesterday because her work got cancelled. She would only go out if it's on the way. That's fine with me, but I can't stand repeat liars. I can't be bothered anymore.

I'm reading Stephen King's latest book, The Outsider. It's so good. After that I gotta go read End of Watch. And I think I would have read every major novels by him.

Sano Hinako is releasing a new photo book! That's the best news of the week. 

I have been watching Detroit : Become Human played by Brad lately. One of the most addictive games I ever watched. Even now I'm madly anticipating part 21.

May 2018

30 April

It's been 2 days since I moved out. Things are good, but there are rules unlike at home. As a guest, I must absolutely obey everything the owners want.

I'm heading out to meet Angela now. The girl who I sometimes like and sometimes don't. I suppose she feels the same way about me.

I was worried that our friendship was over when she went crazy the other time. She probably saw my screenshots of our chatroom and got crazy paranoid. Gotta be careful with her. Don't wanna lose her. She's fairly important to me.

She wanna watch umaru together, but we bumped into a problem. We can't visit each other's place. Her parents won't ever let a guy step foot into her house, not to mention her room. As for mine... I'm a guest, at the mercy of the owners. Don't wanna antagonise them.

Even with a ear phones splitter, we still need internet connection as well as a power bank for the laptop to stay alive long enough.

6 May

It's been a week. I have gotten used to the new bed. Still not sleeping very well, but definitely better than before.

I watched umaru with Angela by the swimming pool in the end. We had killiney curry chicken before that. She's also coming to visit me tonight to have dinner.

Auntie Sally took me to church in the morning. Had to wake up at 7:45 am on a Sunday. There was a nice surprise waiting for me at the end though. I found out that my junior at work, a girl I sang a duet song with earlier this year at the company dinner and dance, also attends this church. I chatted with her boyfriend for a while. We are acquainted because she brought her to visit my boss' place during Chinese New Year. After a while, the girl herself showed up and boy, the expression on her face when she saw me was priceless.

I have figured out my meal plan from now on. I am adjusting my work schedule so that I leave later, have dinner near the office or at Liang Court, and go home after that. For weekends, I have bread for dinner.

On Wednesday I had my first year's performance evaluation. My boss praised me to the high heavens. I can't remember the last time anyone said so many good things about me. The last person who did that was the Princess. I feel appreciated. 

I got full marks 5/5 for my capability score, and 4.10/5 for my results score. Overall I got 4.82/5.00. That's way higher than my university GPA.  That's only a tentative grade though. They are now weighing me against all the other employees, including from Japan, Vietnam, and China. Although I'm likely to get grade S in the end. I'm actually excelling at something. 

I will get a grade S increment and maybe performance bonus end of June. I might get promoted in July.

I shall have a nice savings of $100,000 by my birthday month. A tenth of a million. I should be a millionaire by my early 40s if I can keep this up. Will be able to retire by then.

Yesterday half my family went to celebrate Mother's Day with a meal. It's the usual Chinese restaurant and no conversation fare. Used to it, but appreciate it.

And that's about it I guess. The new life has been very good so far. Auntie Sally has been very nice to me, and the commute duration is so short now, I get to sleep till 8:45 am every morning. Life can't get any better than this.

Thank you God, for being so kind to me.

Peace

Tomorrow is the day I move out.

I can finally have peace. Nothing else even matters anymore.

Thank you God for putting Auntie Sally in my life. No one cares about me as much as she does.

I will try my best to be like her. To change someone's life for the better. If I can do that for even one person, that is enough.

I really can't wait for tomorrow.

Moving out of hell

I am in a dilemma now.

Two days ago, Auntie Sally offered me to live in her place for free, on the condition that I sleep in the living room and use the public shower.

I have stayed at her place before, and it truly is heaven. It is 330 sqm, which is 5 times bigger than my place. It's a big even for a condominium. And there's an almost direct bus to my workplace, or 3 bus stops to the nearest downtown line station, and five stops to bendemeer plus a short walk.

I feel an internal conflict about this. I don't want to impose on her family. I would be leeching off her, and I'm an outsider to her daughter.

She has done so much for me, and I have never done anything for her in return. It makes me feel so bad about it. What can a poor man like me so for a rich lady? She wants me to become a Christian, but I can't force myself to believe in God.

Sleeping in the living room doesn't sound so great to me, but how can I be picky when it's still a million times better than my own place? It's quiet, peaceful, and spacious.

She says she will let me stay for a year, until I get transferred to Japan. I don't know if that will happen so soon, but she says she can extend that until I actually get transferred.

I would be able to leave the hell I'm stuck in. With all its crazy people and lunacy. That has always been my dream for the longest time. To live in a proper place. I wish never to see my family again if I can help it. Just disappear from my life please.

The more I write about it the more I can't find a reason to not go for it. I should offer to pay for my share of the grocery and electricity at least, to make me feel less bad about imposing.

Edit : I messaged her today and asked if I could move in on Saturday. She said okay. I hope everything goes well.

April 2018

I bought God of War pretty much on impulse. Was almost gonna get the mason edition, but my better judgement took over in time.

I finished Valkyria Chronicles 4, and Ni no kuni 2. I was two weeks later in finishing them, but I finished in time for God of War and utawarerumono.

There's still a couple of big titles this year. In particular Sen no kiseki 4 and Kingdom Hearts 3 are games I intend to take leaves for.

I have gone back to being a gamer since around this time 2 years ago. It kept my sadness away fairly well, and after that it wasn't about the sadness anymore. It became my biggest source of happiness. I eagerly anticipate news in the game industry every day. This is what true passion is. With that I find I don't need much else in life. I'm a simple, easily fulfilled guy.

A good friend of mine is going to get married soon. He's the first person I'm close with who is gonna get married. I have complicated feelings about that. There's a bit of jealousy, and there's loneliness, and that's feeling that I'm not as good as someone capable of getting married. It means someone loves him enough to want to marry him.

Marriage is a test of a enduring love, and I don't have faith in that kind of thing. Life is a lot easier being single. Plus I get to retire early, and never have to deal with a disappointing child. Also, in case I turn out to be a lousy father, at least no child will ever have to suffer that.

These are my justifications. Although deep down I guess I want it too. To be able to see someone after getting home from work and on weekends. I think most people want companionship. Kids are like a by product of that desire.

On the other hand, I don't want it either. Life is easier by myself. Leo's loner tendencies are rubbing off me. I don't dislike it though. Being content with only one's own company is a sign of strength.

I'm hitting 30 in a year and half. Currently I have already passed the 1/3 mark of my life. With no children I will leave no legacy, although I can leave behind legacies in other forms. My current plan is to retire by 40, and help people. Or maybe help animals, or the environment. I'm not too sure myself. As someone who has a good grasp of happiness, helping is something I think I can do well. To give back to the society. Give back what I received from uncle David and auntie Sally. It's the only thing I can do, since unfortunately I don't have the intelligence or talent great people of the world have.

I wonder if I will keep to my word. I'm fickle-minded. Also, I can't even help my own family, how can I expect to help others? Do I only selectively help people who are easier to help? Maybe it's too early to talk about that now. I don't even know if I truly want to help people or just fulfill an obligation.

For now, I help myself by moving out and retiring. Anything else can come afterwards.