Last week, I invested a huge sum of money into the American stock market. Almost 60,000 USD, which at that time was $84,000 SGD. It's a lot less in SGD now since USD depreciated a lot against the SGD after the Fed interest cut.

 

It was a scary week that had huge surges and huge falls on alternate days.

 

 

I sank the entire sum into 8 different ETFs. Fintech, software, semiconductor, aerospace & defence, gold, one pretty well-performing active fund and two general index funds. I think they were bought shortly after the market opened on 3/4, when Dow was at about 26,450 points. I derived that based on the purchase price of my various equities, but it should be accurate to -/+ 50. The following two days the market crashed... and crashed again. When the market closed on 3/4, I was at +$1200 gains, and the next day I was at -$200 losses, and -$1400 when the market closed on Friday. All of my equities fell around 3%; one fell 5.40%.

 

I won't lie about it. Seeing those losses were bad for my heart. Even though the losses were only at 2.5%, these was a good chunk of my entire assets. When the numbers are huge, even a small percentage is a lot of money. I'm starting to understand the concept of panic selling better; I kinda feel like doing the same at the next upswing -_-;;;. Huge swings like these have way surpassed ordinary market noise.

 

I made a big mistake. I didn't do dollar cost averaging. Just threw the entire thing into the market in one go. God, what was I thinking. I probably can try to test the system by selling a bit at upswings and see if I can get anything back to buy at the next big crash. Doing it in small amounts should make any mistakes made hurt less.

 

Still, I'm not easily fazed. I do have the very important "emergency fund" of ...$4k!

It might seem like I am living life on the edge, but that's enough money to help me sleep at night since I'm just a simple, forever alone man. (And I reckon my emergency fund is more than some people's life savings)

 

It doesn't seem like the pandemic will end anytime soon, so this situation is likely to continue for many more months. The market might crash further. I have missed an opportunity to catch the stocks at a greater discount. Plus, there's likely another crash coming at the quarterly earnings report.

 

I decided to write this down as a reminder of my mistake. When the pandemic is over and assuming the market recovers to the point right before the market started crashing, I'm going to come out ~11% positive, which means a gain of at least $7000, which is almost $10,000 SGD at the current forex. But it COULD have been more. This is going to haunt me for some time. With my personality I would likely drag all of my life's "what ifs" to my grave.

 

From now on, I shall remember to dollar cost average it. Don't rush no matter what.

 

To be fair though, I think I am being too harsh on myself. I only started serious investing in December, so it's only been 3 months. 2 weeks ago I have liquidated a large chunk of my investments (around 84k out of 90k SGD) before the great crash, and locked in a gain of $5000 SGD at that time. (although I should have liquidated more...) 

 

$5000 in 3 months is quite good for a beginner. I have gained a lot of knowledge and experience in just 3 months, and I think this knowledge will greatly contribute to my early retirement. I suppose I did have a small head start thanks to my H1 economics back in JC. Gave me a grasp of how markets work. Funny how education works. They always help in the most unexpected ways.

 

Most importantly though, I can't believe how much I'm enjoying this investment thing. And, the potential gains are seriously huge. When the pandemic is over and the market recovers to pre-virus status, I would gain $13k~15k SGD. That's a almost half of my annual savings from my day job. It's just a matter of when the vaccine's gonna be out. Seems like it could be at least a year though.

 

The original plan was to have my first retirement 5 months later. I would need to be quite financially secure by then to pursue my other plans at peace. But at this rate it seems like I could only quit when the pandemic is over for good. Although on the bright side it means I will be able to keep investing at a discount until then. Maybe there's a chance to hit 150k by the time I quit? D:

 

Still, I can't believe that a pandemic happened a month after I started serious investing. I'm playing this game at hard mode right away, and this game is absolutely not for the faint-hearted during a global crisis. Sure wish I started investing earlier.

 

I am like a changed man now. The first thing I did in the morning used to be reading gaming news, but now it's become reading about the market. Literally, I google "stock market" every morning right after waking up, else after I step out of the door.

 

Hmm, I wonder what the me from a year later will think when he reads this. Might be all my predictions are off. That would suck. Ideally, I would be making youtube videos and/or running a shop at that time. Anything but being a corporate rat. Even though I am still filled with doubts, I know that nothing will ever come out of taking no action. All the best to me.

Two days ago I moved out for the fourth time.

The new place is so much better than the previous one. I feel a heavy weight off my shoulders. Seems like I can have some peace in my life again.

Two nights have passed, and I slept quite well. The room is big and clean, the fan is cool enough that I only need it at the lowest power. There's a gentle night light, which I'm thinking to use for an hour before I sleep so my body can get into the mood.

It's quite a long walk to the workplace. 1.6km, about 22 minutes. I do have the choice of taking a bus for 4 stops. That would cut the travel down to just 12 minutes, excluding time waiting for bus. Probably will take bus during rainy days.

I have a one year rental contract, so that is a little troublesome... But it's too early to worry about it.

My current plan of quitting in August hasn't changed. So I would have 5.5 months of staying at that place while unemployed. 

The future is so uncertain, but I think my mental health is going to be alright now. All I really needed was just good sleep... 

In other news, I recently reconnected with Edwin and Sean. This was so impromptu. I dreamt of Edwin several times one day, and decided to contact him. A few days later I paid his new home a visit, and now we're connected again. I need to dream more if such things could come out of it.

KAC happened over the weekend. After KAC, I got really motivated to improve at Pop'n. This always happens every year. Seeing girls with much smaller hands being so much better than me really lit a fire in me.

I managed to AA many 48s last week. I can confidently say I have completely surpassed my prime back in 2016. I came close to clearing my 8th and 9th lvl 49. Gotta keep pushing myself. I aim to clear the a lvl 50 by December! 

It's the new decade. 

 

Now that I have made up my mind to quit my job, the fog in my mind has started to clear up. There's no reason to continue doing something I no longer love. It's really affecting me way too much. I can't remember when was the last time I felt at peace with myself. This quarter life crisis thing has been going on for close to a year already. It needs to end.

 

I have been reading googling "how to find a life purpose" the last few hours. Reading articles didn't do much for me, but reading reddit surprisingly, did something.

 

There are many people out there who are lost in life, just like me. Just know these people exist made me feel a little better. Some of them have helpful things to say. I now know that I am living inside a bubble. A tiny bubble of video games, thinking about a retirement, and ... what else is there even in my life?

 

I will stop whining and start doing something. God knows it's tiring to have to hear a whiner non-stop. I can't bear to watch me any longer. I'm downright pathetic now.

 

After I quit the job, I will go travel for a year or so. Not just Japan, but countries I would never dream of visiting. Otherwise I will never break out of the bubble. And I will do my best, rather than just trudge about listlessly.

 

I don't need anyone's approval or permission to do anything, and it's high time I put that privilege to good use.

 

I have spent the last few days just thinking about what I want to do. Eveything seemed like a great idea at 3 am on the bed, not able to fall asleep... but mostly they seemed stupid in the day. I did have some ideas that could become something though.

 

But in the meanwhile, I do intend to properly learn video editting. I would need to document my travels.

 

Here's my only new year resolution - find a direction. May I have a happy new year.

Otoge introduction series

- Synthesia

- PS4 Taiko

- Something by Rayark

- FF14 bard performance

 

Full combo series including process (over the top reaction)

- FC various games

 

How to be Japanese memester series

- 2chan

- www grass

- NHK seisaku

 

Cheapskate series

- Shampoo

- Food and water

- Punishment theory

 

<3 Japan series

- How I learnt Japanese

- What's it like working with Japanese people

- How I got to work in Japan

 

Cute Japanese girls series

- Tomaru Sayaka

- Miyu

2019 was a bad year for me, all in all.

I lost my direction earlier this year, and after many months I remain lost.

I don't enjoy my job anymore. I really want to quit but I don't have the courage to. I feel like working elsewhere wouldn't make it any better.

For the last few months I have been thinking about just quitting without finding another job. How I wish to have freedom again, even if just for a while. On the bright side, at least I have made my mind now. Come July if I stil don't get that Japan offer, and I don't perform up to standard, I will just call it quits and relax for a year or so.

People don't exist to work do they? They work because they have, in order to feed themselves. Fortunately I have a good amount of savings so working is not mandatory for me for a good while. 

I opened my eyes to casual investment, and I have dear YY to thank for that. My savings are able to grow much better. I was the proverbial frog in a well for most of my life.

I really need a breather. Work has been too overwhelming lately, and there was another blow recently. Someone who was hired to help me told me that she wanted to resign. Not like I couldn't understand it, as I was thinking the same myself.

I have been so negative this year, and I feel like I have my job to thank for that. Once I stopped enjoying work, it started affecting all other aspects of my life.

This can't go on for much longer. I need to tackle this issue soon. Can't let it fester much longer.

Let this be the end of it. 2020 is a good time to work on improving my life.

It's a little early but here are my New Year resolutions.

Problem 1 : Don't enjoy work.
This should be a no-brainer. Ask for a change in team, or even better insist on that Japan transfer. They can't dangle that hope in front of me forever. If either one fails, just quit. I am afraid I won't find a better job, but really, what's there to be afraid of? I didn't struggle much to find this job, why would it be any different to find another one? Also, I suppose I could do some freelance work while taking a break. 15-20 bucks an hour isn't too bad, if if it's cash.

Resolution : Quit by July 2020. Or even earlier, but only if truly necessarily.

Problem 2 : Not enough money.
I have been letting my life goal of retiring at 40 stress me out way too much. I always feel like I don't have enough money, but the truth is I do. I force myself to life like a miser, fearing that I wouldn't be able to afford a house at 35 and still retire at 40. Why don't I just extend it to 45 instead? That way I could perhaps stop for a year or two instead of working a continuous 15 years. This was a compromise I came to accept recently. I ought to loosen the grip on my savings a little and just enjoy life more. I'm young, but not that young anymore. I really need to learn to spend money without feeling guilty all the time.

Resolution : Adjust retirement to 45. Allow expenditure to increase a little.

Problem 3 : Family issues.
This is closely related to the problems above. I feel like I can't quit my job in peace because of my financial obligations to mum. Even though it's close to negligible now. I can very well quit my job without telling my family and they would never find out about it though, which makes this worry an issue only in my head. And I did what I could guarding my life with sufficient insurance. If anything were to happen to me I wouldn't have to rely on them. I might be greatly responsible for ruining the family, but I can't let it burden me forever. I'm sorry, mum and sis. I have been taking mum out occasionally as a half-hearted measure of filial piety... And I will continue doing that. I don't know what else I can do, really. 

Resolution : Quit the job and sort out my life without letting family know.

Problem 4 : Living conditions
I don't love living here. I only sleep well occasionally. It's mostly thanks to the smoking landlord, and I think one of the neighbour smokes as well, so there's no escape unless I seal up the entire room. I really ought to move out to a better place. Although I would likely have to pay more for a truly satisfactory one. Having to pay rent really hindered my life goal big time, seeing how it more than doubled than expenditure. If I really look at the big picture, 5 more years of rent is 30k, which is an amount I can save in less than a year, which means it automatically resolves itself along with postponing my retirement.

Resolution : Shortly before quitting the job, look for a new place.

Problem : Various things I want do in life
I wanna try reselling. I wanna try making videos. I wanna continue learning the piano. I wanna go cycling. I wanna lose myself in Japan. I wanna be free, even for just a while.

Resolution : Just do it. Quit the job, do all of it. It's simple.

I actually felt a little excitement while writing some of these things. I hope 2020 will be a good year for me. I must come back to life again.