Quarter life crisis

I am most certainly having my quarter life crisis now. Or maybe for me it's closer to a third of my life.

I have lost interest in my work. I also stopped talking to pretty much everyone at the workplace. I just want to quit and be free of all this crap.

I contemplated just selling things. I also contemplated moving to Japan for a while. Mostly I just want to stop working and have some downtime to figure things out.

The only thing I still care about in life now is games.

I know this... phase can't go on forever. It's a problem I have to sort out by myself, and sooner the better.

If I do choose to quit right now, I have enough savings to last 6 years, if I choose to continue renting a place. Could be 12 years if I move back home, but that is no longer an option. Not having a place to call home really stresses me out so much. 

I gotta fight on. It's too early to croak yet.

Now on to some positive tidings. I finally cleared lvl 5 more 49s in pop'n. That's a big achievement. Something I tried and failed for a long time back in early 2016. I did clear Astraea no soubei back then, but it felt like a fluke. With 6 clears in total no one can call it fluke anymore. Pop'n has become my ikigai, something that keeps me looking forward to tomorrow.

My savings are accumulating exactly as I planned in my personal finance excel sheet. I will have $100k by June next year. Still within 30 years old. Even though I started working at 27, much later than almost everyone in the world, I managed to catch up somewhat.

Also, not sure if this is good tidings or not, but Citibank has finally decided to show its true colours. I will be transferring almost all money over to Autowealth. I'm still young so it's still alright for me to put all my money in stocks. $100k in stocks is something I wouldn't have dreamed of a while back, but here I am looking forward to it, seeing how well it's doing right now. Life sure is interesting after all. I hope this investment will allow me to retire even earlier than I had planned.

Happy birthday

Happy birthday, Princess!

You are 26 now. A fair bit older than I was when we first met. Kinda hard to imagine.

Once again, I wish you another year of happiness.

Nelson

I finally met Nelson today, while playing Pop'n.

It's been what 3, 4 years? Missed him. First thing we did was a hug.

That deserves an entry in the diary.

Tears

I cried yesterday.

A colleague, A, whom I'm close with suddenly announced in the team meeting that he's leaving the company. He's the guy who always played keyboard for me when I sang for the company dinners.

When the meeting ended, we got back to our seats. His seat was to my right. He told me he would try to settle all his outstanding work by next week.

I said I don't care about that, I will miss him. And then I cried. He must have been very shocked.

Another colleague sitting behind me asked what happened, and A told him I'm feeling upset. I suppose the people around me all saw it. That's embarrassing.

I typed out a question from the CG director through tears. And then I said bye to A and left. I didn't realise he followed me until I got out the office door.

He told me people leave jobs and move on all the time. And he said we have worked together since I joined the company. Don't cry on my last day okay. And maybe a couple more things. Actually he didn't seem to have clearly thought out what he wanted to say.

I asked him some questions. Why is he quitting, where's he working at next, and so on. And I said again that I will miss him. I tried to say there would be no one to perform with me anymore, but all I managed to say was "no one, no one, no one". Couldn't speak properly when crying.

A junior from the company came to the lift lobby at that time. He must have wondered what the fuck was going on.

I told A "see you on Monday" and left. On the way home I read the game users line chat and saw them complaining about a bug, and messaged A to look into it.

Then I went home.

I haven't really chatted with him about non-work related stuff for a long time. We didn't have lunch together that frequently these days. But back in my first year we chatted a lot and always had lunch together as a team. The two of us even went to watch a piano recital together. It was just too sudden for me.

We are the only remaining planners in the current project now. He really couldn't have picked a worse time to leave. August is gonna be a difficult month for sure.

My afterthought about this... is that I'm really bad at farewells. And it's not even the actual farewell yet. I hardly ever cry from tear jerking shows, but when it comes to real people I'm pretty emotional. Figures.

Late night bug fixing

Yesterday I got home at 7 pm and took a nap, woke up at 10:30 pm, and saw a line message from the director. One thing led to another, and I went back to office at 11:30 pm to fix a bug.

The bug was quite likely caused by me, or half by me. It was only right for me to amend my own mistake. I was done at 12:30 am.

That's all. It's a rather new experience for me.

In other news, Kyoto Animation suffered a huge hit due to an arsonist. 34 people died so far... Why would anyone do such a thing. It's a tragic day in animation history.