This is probably my first time blogging in English, if I remember correctly.
I'm doing this because I have known I have several readers who would be much more comfortable in English.
Let me show appreciation for those who've been taking trouble to apply google translations regularly, by posting today's article in this way.
This might not appeal to a great portion of the audience, which is still super limited, but please be patient or just leave before scrolling if you think I'm just bragging.
Now I guess I'll start with telling my current situation.
Due to the Covid-19 outbreak, my school has been taking measures since April to accept only certain number of students and employees sharing a office at one time.
For me, this has actually worked in a positive way at the beginning.
My research does not include much cooperative works, and most importantly, I prefer working alone.
In addition, it takes like more than 2 hours to go to and from the office every day. I've been thinking this is such a waste of time and money.
So I told my supervisor to just let me stay home for some time, which he accepted.
I initially enjoyed this opportunity to the fullest.
Every morning I woke up later but managed to start working earlier than usual.
I was able to concentrate without distracted by exhaustion from being crammed in the trains in rush hours.
This is what's supposed to be my routine. That's what I thought.
Gradually, however, I've lost control over my motivation.
I definitely expected this would happen at some point, but didn't managed to find a way out of this.
To be honest, I had been thinking there were reasons.
Firstly, my supervisor has been busy lately and couldn't respond frequently to my questions.
Secondly, I used be doing great during the first half of the quarantine life in my standard. I thought I would take some days or weeks off for this.
All of them were enough to guide me to the misunderstanding: I'm not the one to blame for my laziness.
My research is not going well. I don't even know if I can finish the master thesis.
But I'm not responsible for this. I had 'reasons' for this.
To my embarrassment, it's only today that I finally realized they're all incorrect, and that they're just excuses rather than reasons
I've been neglecting the most important stuff.
I am the only one to be facing my problems.
I can't just throw the whole thing to someone or something else and just see how it goes. They're all my problems.
This is kind of funny.
The whole story sounds like a stereotype of main characters you see on TV dramas or in novels.
He is narrow-minded at the beginning and fails at something, and through his struggle, he finally realizes 'what's most important' and achieves something.
It's very weird I've never realized until today I've been walking on the same path that many characters I know have walked on.
As a watcher or reader, you immediately realize what's wrong with his attitude.
But believe me, it's far more difficult if you're the main character.
I apologize for being super redundant.
My point is, I want to speak out to you that I'm doing my best from now on.
I'll never make an excuse.
I only have 6 months before my master thesis to be completed.
Thinking of how my research has made progress in the past 6 months, I might not take a great step ahead in the limited time I have.
Nevertheless, I would not give up my initial ambition to achieve my goals till the end.
By making this statement to the public (or at least to my super limited audience), I'm having any paths to escape shut out.
My greatest joy in my life is to reward to those I owe and love.
Of course, 'those' in this context includes what I used to be before.
The way I live now is not what I pursued when I decided to continue studying and researching even after my happy undergrads life ended. I can't betray him.
My 'allowing things to happen to me' mode has now shifted to something else.
I'm the one to be taking actions to change situation and achieve goals.
Never letting my laziness intimidate my life.
Never letting excuses come in the way.