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どうも、rachie です。Hello, it's me again.

Yes, Life's been great to me lately, if you asked. He's given me everything I needed the past few weeks. The privilege to eat without gaining weight, arranging so that the sandman whisk me away just as I lay my head down on my pillow. Still, I think he's only doing so because I'm in the middle of a limbo period.

I've been quite depressed lately, thanks. Deep within the confines of my heart, there is a concoction of trepidation and determination, of inadequacy with a dash of joviality in a bottomless cauldron. I feel so anxious, a large vacuum where my sanity is supposed to be. I can scratch at it and I can try to pry it open and make it stop, but no matter what, the feeling will haunt me forever.

It's not any better that I'm somehow hooked on attention. Sweet, delicious attention in the form of comments and subscribers. I'm caught in a trap that entices me to stay longer. The notion is so... overwhelming. I suppose this is how other people feel. I've never been the sort of person to be envious of the spotlight on others, but lately that has changed. And not for the better.

What is this constant feeling of competitiveness in me? Why al I feeling it so strong? This is not like me.

I don't have a boyfriend to talk to. In fact, I don't like talking about it. Blog posts are much more versatile. As the clock ticks, I find it hard to believe I will feel better before valentines day. However, that will not be an obstacle. In fact, I will cry it all out on the day with my other friends, watching sappy sad movies and bawling Japanese napkins to a pulp.

I'll be fine, I reckon. Although I might be unsure of everything, I have one thing I'm positive about—my voice. I'll keep singing to cheer myself up, I hope. And when I do, maybe I'll try to write a happy post for once.