A million things is love.

Love is curious. ‘Cause if you can major in anything, it’ll be her, or him. So you start forgetting yesterday’s Anatomy lecture in the lymphatic system, but her favorite color, his favorite team, you can answer in your sleep effortlessly. You scrutinize each other’s minds like a piece of art work at a gallery. Magnifying glass, brush and everything. Love is the desire to know and understand everything behind her personality. What made her that way or what makes him react this way to a certain situation. Love is interesting. It shows our inner inquisitiveness. Love is diverse. Our fondness for each other’s similarities, as well as our differences.
Love is corny. ’Cause even though you aren’t a phone person, you find yourself being on the phone with someone until the break of dawn, talking about how you aren’t a phone person, until you find yourself falling asleep, listening to the rhythm of their breath. Breathe in, then out. Breathe in, breathe out. And when it’s time to say good bye, you find yourself waiting for the other person to hang up, and you realize you’ve both been trying to hang up for 30 minutes now. And you reminisce about the time you watched a schmaltzy scene on a chick flick, where you even made fun of them for being so cheesy. Love is feeling like you’re in that movie. Corny.
Love is relentless. ‘Cause even though your worked your 9-5, went to class from 6-10, no matter how tried and stressed, and fatigued you are, you wouldn’t miss a late night dinner at Denny’s. Why? Because love is indefatigable, it’s tireless. Love is walking to your car right after a long and boring Philosophy class, only to find a dozen of red roses surrounding your favorite flowers, pink lilies. Love is finding a three page letter on your dashboard, describing why “he can live without you, but he just doesn’t want to” ‘cause love, love is persistent. Love is waking up at 6:30 in the morning, cook him breakfast, make him coffee and even though you’re still half asleep, you find yourself cutting the chicken, slicing the vegetables to cook pad thai, just so for once, he doesn’t eat fast food for lunch. Love is tolerant, ‘cause love is patient.
Love is a drug. ’Cause all you want to do, every single day, every single minute, is shoot yourself with every chemical that races around your body, and your brain when you are in love. Love is an addiction. Love is a medicine. ‘Cause even if you have a sore ankle, headache, heartburn, when he’s there, or when she makes your laugh, everything seems to ease the pain. Shit, love might as well be a damn doctor. ‘Cause love is him holding you in his arms when you can’t get out of bed, watching sappy love movies, or Sportscenter while you sneeze and wipe your snot. Love is thinking that’s cute, when that shit is embarrassing. Love is wanting all the love drug - dopamine, norepinephrine and whatever chemical just to stay feeling the bliss of being in love. ‘Cause love, love gives you that natural high, without having to put 20 on a dub.
Love is misery. ‘Cause even after getting high off all that love, when you come down, you crash, ‘cause love can hurt. Love is sitting at a park with your best friend, or your grandma, or your next door neighbor asking them, “Tell me, where did I go wrong?” or “Why did we lose?” ‘Cause love, love is good, but it hurts so good. Love is wanting to die if you can’t have her, and wanting to pull a dumb broad’s hair, the next time she even says “Hello” to him or a mere bat of her eyes at him. Love is cooking for two, setting up the dinner table for two, even though you know he isn’t coming. But yet, you wait. Love is crazy. Love is pain.
Love is ugly. ’Cause even though you accept each other’s disparities, you can’t deny to disagree and raise into arguments. Love can bring unattractive traits. It can bring irrational anger, skepticism and even broken vases. But in love, you overcome it. That’s what makes it love. That’s what makes is a thing of beauty. Love makes you agree to disagree. To look pass those differences, those ugly attributes. ‘Cause when you love someone, you love all of them. Everything about them. Love is loving not just the good things, the good, the bad and the ugly things.
Love is progress. ‘Cause even though you don’t want to change for someone, or not want someone to necessarily change for you, you do it anyways. ‘Cause love, love is not guaranteed, but you try your hardest to secure that love. Love is wanting to become a better person. For you & your your loved one. Love is working out those indifferences and making them fit, kinda like an active site of an enzyme. “Over and over, until we get it right”. Love is building relationship with her, but also with the people around her. Love is falling in love with what she loves. Gradually. Slowly? But Surely. Love is work. Love is hard work.
To me, love are these things and love, love is a million other things.

Mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day isn’t enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open area between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things…your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions…and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your home and perhaps your car.

The sand is everything else…the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Enjoy a romantic dinner with the one you love. Play another 9 or 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the faucet.

Take care of the golf balls first…the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.

Distance and time.




“A Long distance relationship is better than a short distance relationship.”
I see people on Facebook compare these two a lot and the majority believes that long distance relationships are way better than being with someone closer. Well, I beg to differ.
First of all, a relationship is a relationship, nonetheless. Second of all, why would one be better than the other? I guess you can say people in long distance relationships like the test. But let me tell you this. Believe it or not, the real test in relationships doesn’t even come in until you start living with one another (or at least something close to that).
For example, you’ll experience how cranky he is when he’s lacking sleep, or how willing and able he is to get up at 2 in the morning to make you Theraflu because are feeling under the weather. Better yet, when you do not see eye to eye, so you argue, both mad, yet you still sleep next to each other as opposed to hanging up the phone on a long distance relationship (since you’re 2000 miles away anyways). You’ll realize that “Let’s sleep on it & deal with the bullshit tomorrow” is probably easier than, “Damn, I hate your face right now, but I am still here, right next to you, hoping you’ll give in, but hope I’ll give in too”. You see, that’s just the gist of it if you really want to start talking about relationship’s test.
Sure, it makes the trips to the airports or train stations more and more significant each time, because the longer you are away from each other, the more you miss them and the more they miss you, and the more the miles apart, the space, the distance, the stronger you feel the butterflies in your stomach as soon as you see them. But let me ask you this. Have you ever been with somebody for four years and still feel the same feeling when you pull up to his driveway, even though you just saw him yesterday? Have you ever felt that nerve racking feeling from time to time, with your heart racing, your chest pounding, your hands shaking right when she steps out of her doorstep, even though you’ve been with her for years & years?
When you love someone, distance and time is irrelevant. Hence, it doesn’t matter which one is better - long or short distance relationship. A relationship is a relationship. You say people in long distance relationships require a whole lot of trust & commitment. Well, here’s a fun fact. If your significant other wants to cheat on you, regardless if you are 2000 miles away or 2 feet away, they’ll still do it with every chance they get. Sad to say, I see it with some of my friends & even having a kid doesn’t stop them. You see, trust and commitment remains equal, nothing more or less, regardless how much space and time is in between.
Long distance relationships are stressful, expensive and frustrating. But so are short distance relationship. Both requires a lot of work. Yet, we put up with it for our significant other because we care & love them that much. And we are willing to put in that much time and effort to make it work. Also, to make it all worth it.
Personally, I don’t see myself being in a long distance relationship. For me, seeing someone often is getting to know more and more of them. It is knowing how they act around my family and friends, how they react to a certain situation when it arises. In these situations, you find out how reliable and dependable you both are for each other. Whether it’s you getting a flat tire in the middle of the day, or him losing his debit card & you are there to spot him ‘cause, well, it’s being there for each other. That’s a big part of a relationship, in my opinion. That’s part of being connected to each other in that way.
It’s funny ‘cause I would never hear this come from someone who is a little older. As far as my talks with my older friends, we do have quite the same mentality about distance in relationships. I guess it makes more and more sense as we grow up since I only see a lot of the younger ones who are inlove with the idea of long distance relationships. But hey, to each their own, right?
But for the younger ones, all I can really say is that, it is still early and you are still growing. You shouldn’t be stressing yourself over somebody who’s thousands and thousands of miles away, thinking whether or not he or she’s faithful to you or he or she’s sharing the same thing with other people. Hang out with friends. Go out with people. It is fun going to the movies, getting coffee or even just talking to people outside of Skype or doing something besides talking on the phone, stressing over how going about saving up every dime you have for a plane ticket just so you can spend a weekend together. Enjoy your life and your youth.
And in time, when you meet that person, regardless if you are 10 miles or 1000 miles away from each other, if they really interest you and you are both willing and able to make it work, make it all worth it, then, distance and time wouldn’t matter. When that time comes, everything will just fall into place.

Just a thought October 2013.

On building walls.
“People are lonely because they build walls, instead of bridges”
I have come to realize that no matter how I try, some people just do not want me in their life and quite honestly, it’s their loss. Either way, everything is going to be okay. For them, and for me. A relationships is a two way street & although I go over & beyond for the people I love, there comes a point where I just have to stop myself & think that it’s not always fair to be the one to try. And if I am not invited in their lives, then what makes them think they deserve to be in mine?
Sometimes, I care too much. And they just care too little. Shit, maybe not even care at all. And there has to be a stop to it & I am learning to put a stop to it. I am tired of people’s excuses, one of which when they say, “I tend to push people away, before they push me away from theirs”. To me, that complete bullshit. That’s just shows how much you distrust me & how cowardly you are to do so. And if you can honesty tell me that you can base a relationship without trust, then sure, I’ll play the hypocrisy game with you. But don’t expect me not to gradually resent you. And even though I might start to hate myself for doing so, and how messed up might be for my part, just to make it easier for me, too, I’ll gladly get my revenge… Even if it means I’ll hurt you.
But before that even happens, I’ll just stay away. The “care” and all that bullshit can fade and WILL fade in due time. You’ve already built your walls, so clearly, you don’t want me in your life. I get that. So go, keep building your walls & start burning your bridges. Until one day, you’ll feel secluded in your own little world, isolated without anyone to break them down for you. Without anyone to find the value of saving you. Keep building those walls ‘cause if that’s the case, I’ll build mine. Don’t you even have the slightest thought of jumping over it.

A bend in the road.

When I was younger, I once heard the saying, “A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn”. I can say I knew then what it meant, but I know now that I’d be lying if I said so. I didn’t grasp the concept entirely and you know what? That is absolutely alright. Even now, I can honestly say, I am still working on understanding this message completely - A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn. Unless I fail to make what turn?
Over the years, I accumulated several amounts of mistakes, ‘caused a few heartaches & brought about a couple heartbreaks. And with these, for a lack of a better word - fuck ups, I started to realize, damn, I really need to learn the value of the word “Sorry” and the significance of what an apology truly is.
I wish it was easy, but it is definitely worth the try. Little by little, I want to start learning to break the walls we call our pride. It doesn’t matter who’s at fault, or who to blame, but saying sorry for even arguing about a situation, makes us responsible for hurting one another. I pray to become the bigger person and start learning to apologize first, even though we might find it difficult in our hearts to do so. Actually, just start learning to apologize. Period.
As much as I feel as if raising the white flag before the other person does shows embarrassment, weakness or maybe even defeat, I want to learn, everyday of my life, that this is the exact opposite. Saying sorry simply shows maturity, strong character and having control of the situation, as well as your emotion. I want to understand that it is to gain more respect than disrespect, the fact that I can prove others, as well as myself, that I am man enough to cause you pain and in turn, I am manning up to look at you in the face to apologize.
I want to feel that weight coming off my shoulders. I want to feel that burden lift off my mind. I want to take away all that negativity and tension that weighs us all down. I want to learn how to do all those things. I want to learn how to apologize first & apologize sincerely. And lastly, I want to learn to apologize. Period.
When I was younger, I once heard the saying, “A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn”. Now that I am a little bit older, I may not know entirely what the meaning behind this expression is, but to say the least, I have a little bit of an idea what it means to me. It is not all too late to apologize for anything we have done - today, yesterday, last week, last year. ‘Cause like it says, a bend in the road is NOT the end of the road. There’s still a chance. There’s always that chance no matter if you wish to say sorry first, or wish to say sorry, period.
Just learn to make that turn.


Just a thought September 2013.

On wanting more.
Of course I have asked myself, “Why can’t I have more than what I already do?” Often times, I question my abilities, my possessions & or simply myselfand overlook the reality of their existence, as well as mine.
There are times, where I ask myself, am I not deserving enough for something better? For something or things much more than what I have in my grasp? I wonder, do I not deserve a better job, a better education, a better salary?
I deserve to be happy right?
Maybe on a more shallow end, there are moments I ask for a better car, or a better place to live? Or a ton more clothes to wear or more expensive make up, anything & everything better than what I am currently settling for. Everyday, I think about so many new wants & so many ways I try to convince myself that I need this, I need that to bring me joy.
Suddenly, I stop & think & slap myself for those so many moments I am being self-centered & dissatisfied. Why must it take so long for me to realize that spending time thinking about that things & want, I fail to give thanks to the things I have. Although there is nothing ever wrong with wanting more for yourself, but what if, just what if what you already have isenough? What if what you can have & what you can offer to yourself is enough to really make you happy?
Sometimes, I tend to use the ‘cause I can be happier’ excuse, but if you think about it, it is what you make it to be. I find that I can never truly find happiness unless I take the time to actually stop & stare at what’s right in front of me. How can I be satisfied if I continue to overlook what’s right there, in place of searching for something that isn’t?
Like Aristotle said, “Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient.” It’s true being happy does not mean everything is perfect, all situations & thing are flawless. Finding happiness is accepting the imperfection laid right in front of you, taking them in & loving them the best that you could.
So the next time I think aboutwanting a better paying job, or them new pair of boots, I want to stop & think the true essence of happiness, and appreciate the fact that I have food on the table & I have a roof over my head. I want to stop & be grateful for what I have blessed with. There’s a good reason why I have what I have & I don’t what I don’t & quite frankly, I have never ever been happier with my life.

The first.



It was the first time we had spoken in awhile. First time it felt normal. Without pain, without bitterness, without jealousy and anger. Friends. I used to dread the day that this would happen. Thinking if we could go from completely enthralled in each others lives, to simply a “Hello” and “How are you?”, that what we had hoped for together just wasn't enough for us to hold on.

I used to think that as long as we remembered how it all started and remembered how much we promised each other, that we would never have to have a conversation about what each other has been up to since we last spoke. Having small talk was never an option because in all our companionship there was never enough room for it.

They say people come and go in our lives for a reason, and that some stay for awhile for the journey together. You live, laugh and love together. But more importantly you learn together. I don’t think I’ve quite understood that till now. It seemed like such a struggle towards the end, that at times it felt like nothing good would come of it.

That it would all just disintegrate and leave us angry, hurt, weak and exhausted, left to mend and fend for ourselves. We spoke and although not much was really said about the past, we both knew that indeed we had come and gone in each others lives for a reason.

We lived, laughed and loved together and through it all; learned. A great deal. So that we could do better and be better for ourselves and anyone else who is to come into our lives. It was the first time we had spoken in awhile and it was the first time I realized that what we had was good after all.

Just a thought August 2013.

On saving love for yourself.
Twice, thrice, four times the charm? What happens when it just becomes a reoccurring thing and next thing you know, you’re lost in it & you will find it way too difficult to get out? Well, it’s already becoming that way, and you’re doing nothing but dig yourself a bigger hole. He blatantly hurts you over and over again, yet, what do you do, you openly take the hits and love him even more for it. Reverse Psychology? Uh, no.
Recently, I’ve vowed to try not to use profanity. But hey, sometimes, you got to do what you got to do to make people listen. So, to you: Wake the fuck up.
One thing that disappoints me about people is when they are stuck in an unpleasant situation, they complain. It’s one thing to bitch about your current situation, but it is another when you do nothing about it. Reality check? You can only bitch about it for too long. What makes the matter even worse is that you make poor, most thoughtless and reckless decisions and do what? Yes, complain about it even more. Why do you keep on taking him back in? Why do you keep on openly inviting back the problems in your life?
First of all, before you even put the thought of him loving you sincerely, think about it why he’s cheating on you, lies to you & worse, physically hurting you in the first place. That to me is not love. And if that’s what it is to you? Man, you might have some issues and I think you might just need to re-learn even just the definition of it. You let him in over and over again, for what? To prove to him that he’s right? That he can do all the wrong things and yet, at the end of the day, you’ll will still take him back in? If that’s what you want, fine. Just please, don’t complain about it. We also get tired of hearing the same damn problem, over and over again when the solution is crystal clear.
Did it ever cross your mind that maybe, the reason why he’s not genuinely loving you is ‘cause he sees you aren’t loving yourself? And when he puts that into his mind that you don’t love yourself, why would he? Love is complicated, but it isn’t rocket science. I am sure when the bad outweighs the good seven times more, it should be a red flag. It should have been a red flag before your “third times a charm”.
So I say do yourself (and us who has to listen to it) a favor and for once in your life, save love for yourself. If not love, the least you can save is some self respect. Damn.

France Summer 2012.

I just got back from my 2 weeks summer trip in France with my parents. It's currently 11PM. I'm still exhausted from the long plane ride but I wanted to show you guys the pictures before I go to sleep!!!!