I had maintained high motivation ever since April of the last year and was determined to try hard for the aim; passing the exam of last week. As a result I missed the chance. The mixture of depression was so intense than I thought. I went for a keiko on last Wednesday, but for the first time since I was a high school student, I did the keiko while shedding tears. Since then I became worse. I felt sick and had been in bed without appetite for a few days. I lost my drive and was like a shell of myself, and out of energy; there was not the soul. It was so-called burnout syndrome.
I need some more time before everything goes back up in recovery, especially to regain my motivation. If I take a rest a little, and physical condition is restored again, I want to do my best again.
At the same time, I was able to notice the gentleness/kindness of people around me. They tried to make me feel better. Some of them tried to help me with practicing to pass the exam for a long time. So I feel sorry for them. I bet it at the next opportunity and I want to repay their kindness. I want to be stronger with kendo.
I need some more time before everything goes back up in recovery, especially to regain my motivation. If I take a rest a little, and physical condition is restored again, I want to do my best again.
At the same time, I was able to notice the gentleness/kindness of people around me. They tried to make me feel better. Some of them tried to help me with practicing to pass the exam for a long time. So I feel sorry for them. I bet it at the next opportunity and I want to repay their kindness. I want to be stronger with kendo.