Yesterday, I spend all of the day sheding tears. But it's no like crying. I didn't shout at all. Instead, teardrops and runny nose was always falling silently. Also I didn't come up with an idea to stop this phenomenon. It lasted until I got to sleep.
I didn't know why I was doing such a thing. But I have some ideas about its causes. On the day before yesterday, I had less sleep than usual because I had some anxiety about my Tanka homework and my task as a book comitee chief. I didn't think I had to take part in the contest which I applied last year with a grotesque Tanka and get a prize. The Tanka was so grisly that it compares a school uniform to a collar, an implication of restriction. In addition, I uses a cherry brossom as a expression of finity of school life. It is a Tanka I made thiking about my first sight, but it was so hard for me to dig such a memory up that I experienced a small depression. Anyway, I had some traumatic feeling about the contest. But I completed the task.
I want to have something I can do as a high school book comitee chief. I left everything about the task to the junior high comitee chief. I didn't even notice it is a time to work as a book comitee chief to protect this school from COVID-19 pandemic. I was not able to listen to the conversation properly. I couldn't say a word to him. It is natural for him to treat me in such a way because I ignored all of the phone I got in the last weekend. Of course I can use some excuse, but it is my fault to store lots of work including my depression and come to do them at a stretch. Probably the teacher in charge of this task thinks this as a shortage of connection between two chiefs and disbelieve me anymore. Even I cannot judge this fact completely, but I cannot disprove it. Even after I finished talking with them, my feeling was not stable.
Moreover, I had to finish math textbook as homework of summer vacation. Surprisingly and hopefully, I could complete it by dinner. It means that finally I finished all the task I had as a homework from school. But I have one more work from one of my extracurricular activities whose deadline is today. Even it is not so difficult work, I can't be underestimated. I want to believe I can finish it.
In today's dream, my mother was making for me a big bowl of simmerd meat and potatoes, which I don't have had in my real life. But there is a spider weaving a web near our table. Then the spider landed on my rice bowl. Someone said that spider is an omen of a good thing, didn't it?
Also, in my dream, there is another shoe box in my school for some reason. There were so many people including students, teachers, and even a little child that I can't see such a lot of people only in school event like sports festival.
Today's song:たぶん終わり / いよわ feat.初音ミク・flower （Almost Ended / Iyowa
feat.HatsuneMiku & flower） - YouTube
This song always reminds me of daytime on Sunday, but I sing this song even in weekday these days.
See you tomorrow!!