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𝚀𝚞𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜
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Part 1
“Fooling the body into thinking it's full on only a thousand calories can be difficult. The trick is to chew the food until it's pretty much liquid. This way, vomiting after burns less”
― J. Matthew Nespoli
I looked into the mirror, as I stepped onto that scale every morning, as I crawled into bed every night, stomach growling, mind racing, heart anxious, I laughed and I cried. I soothed the aching, empty belly, and I whispered, She is mine.”
― Rachael Rose Steil, Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
“Skinny jeans were only good if you had skinny genes.”
― Matt Dunn
“But calories won't conquer me. They are one thing I can control”
― Ellen Hopkins, Perfect
“She is madness, sanity. She is hell, and paradise.”
― Ellen Hopkins, Perfect
“She lay on her back and walked her fingers down her ribs, skipped them over her abdomen, and landed on her pelvic bones. She tapped them with her Knuckles. . . . I can hear my bones, she thought
― Steven Levenkron, The Best Little Girl in the World
“If losing weight was easy, we would all be skinny.”
― Steven Magee
“I began to measure things in absence instead of presence.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
“I was so thin I could slice bread with my shoulderblades, only I seldom had bread”
― Charles Bukowski, The Last Night of the Earth Poems
“I will not eat cakes or cookies or food. I will be thin, thin, pure. I will be pure and empty. Weight dropping off. Ninety-nine... ninety-five... ninety-two... ninety. Just one more to eighty-nine. Where does it go? Where in the universe does it go?”
― Francesca Lia Block, Echo
“And so I went through the looking glass, stepped into the netherworld, where up is down and food is greed, where convex mirrors cover the walls, where death is honor and flesh is weak. It is ever so easy to go. Harder to find your way back.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
“The anoretic operates under the astounding illusion that she can escape the flesh, and, by association, the realm of emotions.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
“Some people who are obsessed with food become gourmet chefs. Others become eating disorders.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
You become addicted to a number of their effects. The two most basic and important: the pure adrenaline that kicks in when you're starving—you're high as a kite, sleepless, full of a frenetic, unstable energy—and the heightened intensity of experience that eating disorders initially induce. At first, everything tastes and smells intense, tactile experience is intense, your own drive and energy themselves are intense and focused. Your sense of power is very, very intense.
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
I don't like to eat in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, on Tuesdays, when my nails aren't painted, when my shin hurts, when it's raining, when it's sunny, on national holidays, after or before 2 A.M..
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
