I happen to chance upon a very old xx’s blog. I call her xx because I don’t know how to describe our relationship. I don’t know if she is a friend or acquaintance but she is not a stranger.
But she is not someone I think I have courage to greet if I see her on the streets. Or maybe it is a “them”.
They are the group of people I played and grew up with in my old church until I was outcast and isolated. Finally I decided to leave church at 17. (Where my parents could no longer stop me from leaving)
Though I never saw these people ever again, (ran into individuals from time to time though) they left such a deep scar in my heart that took not just time but several counseling sessions in order for me to be able to release it to God. I think the healing has started and is still in the progress because I was able to open my heart to people in church again. But I still wonder at times why was I left out from the group… was it anything I have done wrong? After all, you are talking about a group of people whom you have been friends since like when you were crawling on the floor and then had their backs turned on you suddenly
That was what I thought initially… until my only good friend left from the old church told me that wasn’t really the case. It seems like she herself was also a product of the isolation. In fact, the so-called “in-group” only had three people. They practically outcasted the rest of the world and formed their own exclusive sorority.
Hey. I never knew that. For so many years, I lived in the shadow thinking that I was the ONLY ONE left out of the group, disliked and hated upon. Of course, since they were the “Power-puff” girls, most people then tried to get into their good books instead of coming to side any of us.. But we were all still kids back then.
The lesson learnt. A very important one.
God helped me understood that if we indulge in self-pity and blind ourselves to our surroundings, we will eventually not be able to see the more important things around us. It is strange why people tend to focus more on the negative things than the positive ones. Including myself.
Come think about it, do you make more mistakes at work then doing things correctly?
You might think you make more mistakes but the truth is you are probably doing more things right but somehow Mistakes are just so glaring that one single one can make our day seem so gloomy.
But don’t forget that you play a part in whatever position you are in. It might be true that no one is indispensible in any company but there will definitely be a difference if anyone of us ceased to exist.
At least, to you who is reading this now. I am sure my life will be a lot different if I haven’t met you.
You make an impact; you changed something in my life. Most of all, you made me feel part of your life and you loved me.
I am going to give you back the same too =)