オンライン英会話講師のJennifer講師が書く
Women in the Workplace Series
10回目の今回は「Comments, Compliments and Insults」です!
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Women in the Workplace Series 10 - Comments, Compliments and Insults
Let’s begin with a golden rule: If you’re not sure (about something), don’t say it!
This means that if you are not sure whether or not something you want to say will be offensive, it is better not to say it at all. This is particularly important when you are dealing with a specific demographic of people. Whether you are talking to someone from a given race, religion, culture, sexuality, socio-economical status or gender, for example, it is important that you “watch what you say” in order to avoid offending them. In the case of women, there are many ways in which you can risk offense based on backhanded compliments, insults or even regular comments which might be mistaken for something rude.
Americans have a reputation for being direct, but something that is important in American society is that people must also be respectful and tactful in saying what they think. If someone asks an opinion on something you don’t like, there are more tactful, respectful ways that you can respond to them. Some good phrases to use are “I don’t (particularly) care for it myself” or “It’s not something I’m into” or “It’s not really my thing”. Here is an example:
Situation: Emily and Sheila are co-workers at ABC Company. Emily asks Sheila for her opinion about her new orange suit, which is an unflattering color on Emily.
Emily: Hey, Sheila, what do you think about my new suit?
Sheila: I like the style of it and it fits you well but I don’t know about the color.
Emily: You don’t like the color?
Sheila: I don’t care for it, myself. I think it would look better in pink or black.
Emily: Actually I wanted a pink one but they were sold out.
So, of course, it is alright to give your opinion when it is asked for, but sometimes the greatest chance of offending someone comes when you give your unasked for (and unwanted) opinions. Here is an example of what NOT to say:
Situation: Lisa sees Sheila and makes a comment about her new orange suit.
Lisa: [laughs] Wow.
Emily: What do you mean?
Lisa: Where did you get that suit? It’s so bright it hurts my eyes!
Emily: Excuse me? I didn’t ask your opinion!
As you can see in the second example, not only did Lisa give an unwanted opinion that Emily didn’t ask for, but because she was not tactful her words were actually insulting and likely hurt Emily’s feelings.
When dealing with women, ending your sentences with phrases like “…for a woman” or “…even though you’re a woman” or beginning sentences with phrases like “Even though she’s/you’re a woman…” are clearly offensive, because it makes gender an issue where others might think it should not be.
For example:
Situation: Eric Blake and John Green discuss Lydia’s afternoon presentation.
John Green: Great presentation today, huh?
Eric Blake: Yeah, I was really surprised.
John Green: Really? Why is that?
Eric Blake: Oh, it’s just that Lydia’s really knowledgeable for a woman.
John Green: Well, she is our staff expert so it’s no surprise.
As you can see, John was offended by Eric’s words because of the implication that women are not knowledgeable about business issues.
In order to avoid gender-based offensive comments, it is important to not allow gender to be a factor in your observations. If someone does a good job or bad job – if they are an expert or not quite skilled – it’s not because of their gender or race. Everyone is welcome to their own opinions and feelings, but it is best to take care when sharing those thoughts and feelings with others, in order to avoid offending them. To state it again: If you’re not sure that what you’re about to say will be considered to be insulting, don’t say it!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backhanded_compliment
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