Where are you now??

Then it's more than a week from the last day we met and losing contact as well ==;

Sometimes I'm thinking over bout us and found some fault, fun, and things I have to be sure more.

Like, that I've never introduce my friend to him although he do, and moreover that makes him a little uneasy or makes him feel I'm not that outgoing person... and that surely he'll leave here next spring and we'll get apart after all... and his days in here that he always tell me peaceful and nice even I'm not in his days lately... and think about him and his ex-girl friend and their close relation till now and feel like to cry and... and and and !!!!!!!!

And I'm caught up with this disgusting work at lab and he'll tell me "workaholic" again,

How can I be more better girl??

Since I met you, you've been always a part of my interest and, after the day I got realized to this feeling on the street of Shibuya, you've been the one. Even though you don' know.

found a little

The first one is a kind of my weird idea 'bout everything around me. Especially, about the time management. I've been longing for long to use time effectively but every time I failed. But this is a kind of wind minding. I recognized everything into succeed or fail. But look at the time. I try to wake up 6 or 7am and I always failing it but I woke up always in 9-11.30. What about that? Woke up on 9am is better than 11.30am and 11.30 am is better than 1pm. Everything is depend on cognition as it told in the past lecture. I don't have to be so disappointed for such little fail that I myself defined. And I think still I needing somebody's help but I think I can get out this depression someday. Hopefully.

And the second thing is the importance of writing diary. Last night I've cut my over glowed foot nails and looked at my toes. Still the color of green I put on my nails before I set out to Bangkok is remained less than half of my thumb. Thought it seems not better but I couldn't took them off. I just wanted to connected by those memories as long as I can. And I found my wishing last those association between memories and myself. I'd been experienced so many separation in my child hood and all the times, I cried and seriously be hurt inside. And it made me to feel those memories as the desperately important part of myself. Now I defining the memories as a core part of me. And I seriously scaring for losing them. Honestly longing them last as long as they can. So I have to keep some end of connection between myself and experience, memories somewhere somehow. That makes me so many identical act of me to do. And finally I found blogging or writing diary is the one way to last the trigger of those lines between us. Found the difficulty to describe the proper expression to record them though.

Yes, I'm still scaring for divorce and separation...

Suddenly

Felt wanna see him.
So as I can cry.
Heeeeeey, how come I become like this??
Totally fell in love again...
Though I was in that already...

write and draw!!!

How can we imagine that we can draw a picture with lines like this!!??

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

#include "colors.inc"
#include "texture.inc"
#include "glass.inc"
camera { location <0,4,-10>
look_at <0,0,0>
angle 80 }
light_source { <-20,20,-20> color rgb<0.6,0.3,0.3>}
#declare T=-360 ;
#while (T<=360)
intersection {
sphere { <-5,-1,-1>, 0.4
rotate 45*x
scale 1.1
rotate T*y
translate 0.03*T*y }
material { texture { pigment { color Clear }
finish { F_Glass1 } }
interior { I_Glass1 fade_color rgb 0.7
dispersion 1.1
dispersion_samples 20 } }
photons { target collect off
reflection on
refraction on } }
#declare T=T+45;
#end
sky_sphere {
pigment { wrinkles
color_map { [ 0.3 color rgb<0.3,0.4,1.2> ]
[ 0.9 White ] }
scale <1,0.2,0.2> } }
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

this turns into.... THIS!!!!


All owing to CG software "Pov-Ray" ^^
And the editors of plenty helpful tutorial online =)))
Hmmmm, amazing.
Actually I didn't have any interest in programming and Computer graphics.
But somehow, I got an opportunity to do that. Yes, finally I learned that the reason why I've been long time less interested in such kind of information technologies is the problem of the teachers... I think basically Japanese teachers are tend to have a kind of lack of aptitude in their job... noway... they are not teacher but, researcher !! :P

Too many tasks...

Why??
Just because I've been lazy till now... and still doing lazy... hahaha.
But I have to apologize to Ms. Mouri for my impoliteness.
Gomennasai...
And now I wondering for my schedule...
31th... should have fun??
should not have fun??
I know, I should do something but, I don wanna miss these chances...
3th.. it's the time that god provides to me...
yes... I'll gonna work harder for the holiday!!!!!