indicisive

Can I go back to NZ just to see my bf?

I want it more than anything. But with all the job hunting and everything, i am not sure if I should. I mean all my friends are aparently working so hard to get a job. Should I just stay at home and do something for that? But then I won't see him until this summer if i don't go in this March. I really love him- I really wanna work on our relationship. Realistically, it is important to see your bf to keep it real, right? I don't know what to choose. He says he is gonna pay for me. He is eager to see me, too.

I thought I have already decided to go, but a part of me is stopping me from it. There should be more important thing for me now then being in love?

I don't know. I just miss him so much.

best friends

I went out last night to had some drinks with the best friends of mine from junior/senior school. We were in a brass band club together before, so I've known them for almost 10 years now. We've been really really close for the past 10 years even though we all have such a different sense in everything. One girl is gonna be a nurse, another a pianist, and the other will be a teacher. me..i dont know. haha ;(

They just were so happy that I came back and it made me feel really really good. They always sent me letters and emails when i was abroad. They say now they feel they are complete with me in it:)

I feel so blessed to have such friends.

After the dinner, we went to a sticker booth, PURIKURAAA, and i was like " man, I am still young!" haha It was heaps of fun!

I got recharged again and now I'm looking forward to going to disney land with them in March:D

Roller coaster

"Life is like a roller coaster."

"You can't go on the top of a mountain without going through a valley."


I know. I know these theories and that's true. I guess life is a full of ups and downs. But when you are in a valley, or at the most scary path of the roller coaster, you can't really see the top anymore. You know? You feel like it's not going any better or maybe you are going to a wrong way , which you can't really turn around anymore.

I don't really know what to do. I know for sure how HAPPY I am to live my life like this. I can't complain anything. I'm so grateful for everything what I had. I just feel like I've been changing....not necessary for the better. I don't know. I might have lost something...maybe a passion. I might be avoiding to face the reality.

My bf is not here with me when I need him, when I just need one single big hug from him. I know it's nobody's fault, but I can't help getting frustrated...maybe by myself.

Is there any way we can be together?

OMG

A friend of mine got married.

I got this text from the friend saying she moved and didn't really have time to contact me. and I was like "That's fine! You are moving in? You got married ay? Congrats, " half joking. and then she said "yeahhhhhh."

Oh my god. She is 3 years older than me and has been working this big American company for like 2 years. She met the guy there. I remember how she told me that she would marry him right after she started going out with him.

Actually she has been my role model. How we met was not really normal. I just respect her so much and (I hope) we have lots in common as well. I've wanted to be like her.

She is pretty young still but who cares? She is such a sweet and just amazing girl. I am gonna meet her next week so I will make her tell me about EVERYTHING! man I am so amazed!

This should be the happiest blog I've ever posted. I am really happy for her:)

useless

I woke up at like 11-ish. I was gonna write some regime and stuff but I just can't. I'm so stuck here. I feel useless. Today is my only off day.

Man what's wrong with this blog right? I am so negative and all I talk about is how lame and depressed I am... have to quit this.

Ok, something fun....hm..oh yeah I just talked to my ex roommate. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!