「慎重な審査をしながら、生徒との面会を許可します」
ニューヨーク市が経済再開のフェーズ１に入って１週間後のこと。
アップステートにあるスペシャルスクールから連絡が入った。
３月上旬にスクールが封鎖されて以来３ヶ月、娘に会うことを禁じられてきた。
心身疾患の多い生徒が通う学校だから、子供たちの安全が最優先。
学校を信頼するしかないとはいえ、辛く寂しい３ヶ月間はとても長かった。
アポを入れた前日に、学校から問診の電話が入る。
当日は30分前に到着して、さらなる問診と検査が施される。
学校の庭に、面会用のテントが張られていて、そこで待機すること10数分。
寮に通じる小径、スタッフに手を引かれて歩く娘の姿が目に飛び込んでくる。
久しぶりに外の空気を吸った娘は、機嫌が悪く泣き顔で、歩みが進まない。
それでも手を広げて待つと、私の胸に顔をうずめた。
本当はハグも許されないけれど、遠くで見張るスタッフが黙認してくれている。
頬を寄せて、匂いを嗅ぐと、娘の感触すべてに、私の内面が興奮する。
オンライン面会では伝えられなかった温度を、親子で感じ合うと、
娘が嬉しそうに声をあげて笑った。
もうそれだけで、私の涙腺は崩壊した。
娘との人生の中で、３ヶ月も会っていなかったことは初めてで、
忘れられているかもしれないという小さな不安、会うのが少し怖かった。
それでも娘は、笑ってくれた。
手を繋いで、新緑の美しい校内を、ゆっくりと散歩する。
当初15分程度と言われていたけれど、１時間たっぷり密な時間を共有。
娘の教育を専門家に任せようと決断した８年前。
目の見えない娘の生活を、他人に託すために苦しんだことを思い返す。
見えなくても、知的障害があっても、親子の絆は存在する。
そこだけを信じて、また手探りで歩いていこうと思う。
初夏の日差しの中で、風にたなびく草花、たくさんの生命力を感じながら、
これをどうやって彼女に伝えようと、母親は悩み続ける。
人生にも、教育にも、正解はないだろう。
共に前に進める生命がここにある、それだけが紛れもない事実。
"With a careful reviewing, we will allow you to meet your daughter from next week."
It was a week after New York City entered Phase 1 of its economic reopening.
We received a call from a special school in Upstate.
I had been barred from seeing my daughter for three months since the school was shut down in early March.
Her school is for students with many mental and physical illnesses, so the safety of the children is paramount.
Even though we had to trust the school, it was a very long, painful and lonely three months.
The day before the appointment, the school called us for a medical interview.
Before the appointment on the day, we had to arrive 30 minutes early for further questioning and testing.
In the school yard, a tent was set up for visitors and we had to wait there for more than ten minutes.
On the path leading from the dormitory, I saw my daughter walking with a staff member.
She looked in a bad mood and had a crying face, and she couldn't walk smoothly.
I was waiting with open arms, and finally held her face into my chest.
We were not really allowed to hug her, but the staff watching in the distance gave us tacit permission to do so.
My insides were aroused by all of my daughter's touches as I put my cheeks to theirs and smell them.
When we felt a special feeling as a parent and child that we couldn't convey in online visits,
She laughed out with joy.
That was all it took for my tear glands to collapse.
This was the first time in my life that I hadn't seen my daughter in three months.
I was a little afraid to see her that I might be forgotten.
Still, my daughter smiled at me.
We held hands and walked slowly around the beautiful green school yards.
We were told it would only take about 15 minutes, but we spent an hour in close proximity to each other.
It was eight years ago that we decided to leave our daughter's education to the professionals.
I think back to the pain I suffered because we had to entrust my blind daughter's life to a stranger.
The bond between parent and child exists even if she cannot see or has an intellectual disability.
I will believe in that and walk on again, groping for it.
In the early summer sunshine, feeling the plants and flowers swaying in the wind, and a lot of life force.
Her mother continues to worry about how to tell her daughter this.
There will never be a right answer to life or education.
There is life here to move forward together, that is the only indisputable fact.
人気ブログランキングへ
海外永住 ブログランキングへ "
