(originally posted on 2017-05-24|15:44:55)

My father bought some dry confectionaries for me.
Jelly might be a common gift for hospitalized patients.
So I was wondering why he chose these beautiful dry confectionaries today.
It seems unusual for him because he always likes Daifuku and Imagawayaki.


Maybe he wanted me to enjoy it at least visually
as he knows I may not be able to eat anything.

Or he was thinking of our good old memories like colorful Shichigosan or Hinamatsuri,
or maybe my childhood when we used to play together..

I was just wondering
but I felt his love for me.

I am just making assumptions here.

It’s not easy to see children being sick.
It’s also hard to see parents being sick.
I am worried about him because he seemed very tired today.
If he got sick, he may not be able to ask for help
as much as I do to my family now
because he is a father.
I doubt his personally would let him do so.

That is why I really hope he stays in good shape for a long time.

I’ve been always close to my father since I was small.
But after I got this disease,
he sometimes seems confused about what to do,
which makes me feel his deep love for me that I wasn’t aware before.
★By the way,
My constipation has improved after I stopped to drink medicines, and instead, I now use the pain-relieving pad regularly.
On the other hand, the pad makes me more sleepy.
Looks many people get the opposite reactions in terms of sleepiness.
As we know,
Medication effectiveness is different for each person.
It might work for you but not for others.
Or even side effects vary for each person.
I am sure some people are not good at managing sleepiness.
So, what I am experiencing is not necessarily the same as what you would be going through.
That’s what I learned through all of my experiences with anticancer drugs, operations, radiation, medicines etc.
Someone’s feedback does not apply to my case in the same way.
Likewise, mine does not equally apply to others.
Yet, sometimes we feel jealous or sorry despite the fact that we are all the cancer patients who share the same struggles. 
I have gone through that too.
now I know that I have to fight with my own cancer which has own uniqueness. 
My body is just like nothing else.