(originally posted on 2017-02-10 | 19:41:03)
It was cold with a little snow today.
Over the last few days,
I haven’t been able to control my body temperature well.
Sweating, feeling cold and shaking…
I was busy, just by myself, in a warm room.
My body condition changes a lot
at various times of the day.
An hour ago, I was…. but two hours later….
I’ve also developed some unpleasant feelings.
I started feeling jealous of people walking outside.
They may be able to go far without any breath problem…
I am jealous of mothers who hold their children’s hands…
I feel jealous because she can protect her kid by herself…
But, maybe,
I also seem to be normal and healthy to some strangers on the street.
Nobody knows the truth about you.
I knew it.
But I was making assumptions and feeling jealous of others.
This is not right…
I am very disappointed myself because
all my feelings that I have gone through
and the feelings that developed with me
had gone back all the way to the point where I had been
even before the starting point.
This is where I am now.
I will face this reality by writing down how I feel here.
I’ll be back to myself tomorrow,
being myself again.