The gift from my boy was an orange roll cake.
Let’s keep it by my pillow.
Because my families worried about me,
they gave me some suggestions regarding my appetite and pain.
But I said:
“I am the one who knows about my body well. Nobody but me.”
They just kindly responded:
“Yeah, of course!”
Now, I am here alone in my room.
I feel kind of guilty and empty about saying such things.
It must be sad for them to hear…
I am sorry.
“It’s hard, it’s painful, I’m tired”
Those words often come out of my mouth to my family.
Patients may be allowed to be negative sometimes.
But their family might be hesitant to say, “I’m tired”.
Hopefully, they whine to each other behind my back…
I find it helpful that patients and their family step beyond and share the frustration with each other.
It is okay to cry to each other.
Both need a hug.
I once did so with my mother.
We both hugged each other and cried together.
She seemed to get lost her weight.
I am not super healthy, but I could hold her tight in my arms.
The more I feel sorry, the more my families try to be positive for me.
It will never be resolved unless we accept the struggle with a disease as a part of everyday concerns.
It is not what I am hoping though.