Awkward.

お元気ですか？しばらくでした。私は容易に忘れます、すみません。

Gosh its been a while since I've written on this. I hate that cause I write and write and then I forget I even have a journal, then I end up only suddenly remembering like a month or two later. Honestly think I use this for when I am going mento or come up with something that I have thought of or said that I really really want to remember.

The Loneliest Relationship...

Me and Sadie got into a huge fight a few days ago, we made up sort of, but since then I feel lonely, I haven't felt this lonely since my junior year in high school... It really sucks, she has to work everyday this week in the mornings and in the afternoons I have class so there is probably no way I will be seeing her as much as I would like to. I feel very distant to her, I think its mostly because we haven't had a chance to talk about happened at the park. I don't think she realizes how much it means to me that we talk about it, I feel so hurt still, especially because she's not noticing I'm miserable.... not at all.

Another late night fight.

I'm an asshole. I say things without thinking, being honest is not always the best way to go, more like I'm too bluntly honest. this time it was about picking her up from work. I do it all the time. tonight I told her that I won't picking her up as much and I said it wrong or she took it the wrong way I suppose. I feel like absolute shit, there is nothing anyone can or do to make me feel better. I'm in the living right now writing this, a moment ago she came out from the bedroom and asked me to come to bed... but I can't... I can't do it without at least writing it all out... this website is the only remedy and therapy I've got, I don't think she knows I have an online journal so she probably thinks I'm bitching to my friends about her online... I would explain to her what I'm doing but sometimes its just hard to talk to her. when I tell her what's up she just ups me one about how her current situation is worse then mines somehow... and I can't seem to figure out how to respond without sounding like a totally jackass about it. It just makes her more upset and me even more frustrated. I have a rash from stress and it was going away up until just now. Heres the worst part, I only get to figure what I should have said when it is way too late. And by then I can't do anything about it... it kills me that I'm so slow when it comes to relationships and what the fuck, LIFE in general. My head hurts, and I'm tired but I don't want to go back to that bed and hear her cry in the dark because of me.....FML