前回の手術は部分摘出で傷も大きくなかったけど、今回は全摘で傷も大きい分痛みも大きかった
思っても見ないところで痛みが出た
ベッドから起き上がる時、腹筋を使ってる時に胸筋も使っているのか
術後数日は自分で起き上がれなかった
ナースさんに起こしてほしいとお願いしたら、自分で起きて下さいと嫌なことを言われた
と入院中にできた友達に漏らしたら、その子が看護婦さんに抗議してくれた
正義感が強い子だった
残りの入院中は、胸に包帯を巻いていて、先生が術後の傷口を見るときだけ包帯を取った
まだ自分のなくなった胸と向き合える気がしなくて、先生が傷を観察している時は目を背け、一度も見なかった
The first surgery was partial mastectomy and my scar and pain was relatively small
This time I had full mastectomy - which mean I had my full breast removed
The scar and pain was more significant than what I had experienced before
Pain came in different ways
One of them was not being able to get up from bed myself - I must have been using my pectoral muscles together with my abs when I woke up from bed
I needed help for a few days after surgery
I asked the nurse to help me several times
One of the busy nurses told me to get up myself
My new friend was compassionate and told the nurses off - I wasn't asking for help for what I could do myself
During the rest of the stay at the hospital, I had a bandage around my breast
The only time it came off was when the doctor came to check
I didn't have the courage to face the non-existence of a part of my body yet