起きたら手術が終わってた
麻酔が身体に入っていく朦朧とした意識の中で病気にお礼とさようならを伝えた際、涙が出てきたんだと思う
起きて声をかけられた時、涙が固まって目やにになっていて、目が開かなかった
まだ喉からチューブを抜いた後で乾燥して声も出ない
聞こえてくる家族の声に、せめて目で大丈夫だよと反応したいのに、目が開かない
どうやって伝えようと意識がぼーっとする中で考えて目を開こうとしていたら、妹が察してくれた
「お姉ちゃん目開けたいのに、目やにで目が開かないんだわ、目やに拭いてあげよう」
何も言わなくても意思を読み取ってくれる
家族ってすごいと思ったのが、術後の最初の気持ち
When I woke up, surgery was over
I must have cried when I said thank you and goodbye to cancer, my eyes were sealed with discharges from my eyes and I couldn’t open them
Tubes that had been stuck down my throat during surgery made my throat dry, and I couldn’t speak
I wanted to reply to the voices I could hear from my family members, to let them know I was ok
If I couldn’t speak I wanted to tell them with my eyes but they wouldn’t open
As I wondered in my fuzzy consciousness how to get the message across, my sister noticed
“She’s trying to open her eyes but can’t because of the discharges, let’s wipe it off for her”
I didn’t say a word, I couldn’t even make eye contact - I had a family who still understood me
Immense gratitude and safety, love was the first feeling I felt after my surgery