心のどこかで、自分が変わらなきゃいけないんだと思ってた

 

学びなく、同じ間違いを繰り返したら、人生は間違いを理解するまでハードルを用意してくる

日本に帰ってきて以来、仕事が辛くて毎日泣いていた時、病気になったら会社に行かずに休めるのに、という縁起でもない考えを持ったことがあった

そういう考えで、自分で病気を呼び寄せてしまったのかもしれないと思うこともあった

今回こそ、どうやってか、病気に別れを告げたいと思ってた

 

麻酔の針が入らなくて看護婦さんたちが苦戦する中、私は自分の病気との対話をし始めた

 

I think I knew in my heart, that something in me needed to change, to get over this

 

If you don't learn, life will continue to keep giving lemons to you, until you learn your lesson

After coming back to Japan from London, I hated work

I cried every night, and every morning I dragged myself to the office for another miserable day to tolerate

I had stupid thoughts like, "If I got very sick, maybe I wouldn't have to go to work"

I think maybe, that I may have manifested the sickness myself, whether it was intentional or not

 

As the nurses fumbled at my arm, to get the anesthesia needle in 

I started talking to breast cancer