何人かは直接話した。毎日会ってた会社の人で信頼してた人、よく会ってた友達。
メールやSNSで伝えた人も多かった。
ズルいかもと思ったけど、それが精一杯だった。相手が傷つくのを見るのも、自分が発する言葉を聞くのも怖かった。
反応は色々。涙を流す友達、寝てたのに急に起きる友達、動揺する人、沈黙になる人。
どの反応が楽だったとかはなくて、ただどれも大好きな人を自分の言葉で傷つけて、その人が一生懸命消化しようとして、反応してくれるのを見るのが辛かった。
Some I spoke to directly. People at work I trusted, friends I saw often. Others I used emails and chats. I knew I should deliver the news directly if I could, but that was the most I could do. I was scared to see my words hurt my loved ones, and hear my own words hurt myself as it sunk in.
Everyone had different reactions. Some with tears, friends who fell asleep suddenly woke up, ones who panicked and others who fell silent.
There were no reaction that I favoured. All I knew was that the words I spoke hurt them and it was hard to watch them put themselves together and find the right words to react to my news.
